


When Bitches Collide (English Version)

by Petricor75



Series: Political Bitches [3]
Category: Political Animals
Genre: F/F, Feelings Realization, Femslash, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 44,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28252524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petricor75/pseuds/Petricor75
Summary: English is not my first language, I hope the translation will be ok. It will be a looong journey, in translating it, so please be patient.This story starts with the last dialogue between Elaine Barrish and Susan Berg and goes beyond the show.
Relationships: Elaine Barrish/Susan Berg
Series: Political Bitches [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2066784
Comments: 34
Kudos: 26
Collections: AU Political Animals





	1. When Bitches Need (each other)

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [When Bitches Collide](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7069267) by [Petricor75](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petricor75/pseuds/Petricor75). 



> If you feel, let me know what you think about it. Comments are always appreciate 🙃  
> Political Animals and its characters don't belong to me.  
> This story was written on a non-profit basis.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tomorrow night I'm gonna fly to France, to assist, however I can. Uhm... if you're not sick of the plane... you’re welcome to join me"  
> "I'm there"  
> "Good. I'll put you on the manifest"

**ONE: When Bitches Need (each other)**

Susan Berg stops in the doorway, straining to contain her tears, which once again, on this sad day, threaten to escape her control. She observes Elaine Barrish talking gravely with her assistant, there is no need to speculate on the topic, even if she’s unable to hear the words, there’s no doubt as to what the object oftheir whispering is.

She has the impression that the strong woman, whom she has come to know better, to respect, to admire, to support in the last few months, has suddenly become hunched over, and in spite of her height, clearly above average, she seems so fragile that she feels a dull ache expand in the pit of her stomach.

She is reminded, seemingly for no reason, of the words of her boss, and former, _"Is this what hanging out with Elaine Barrish does to you?", and also, "Name one time that you’ve spent as much energy on something for us as you have on this Barrish piece... blablabla..." ,_ she chases the unwanted intruder from her mind, calling the woman by her official appellation.

The Secretary of State’s assistant turns around, widening her eyes towards the reporter, her deliberately calm expression unable to hide a sultry threat, _\- take one more step and I'll kick your ass out! -_

Barrish seems only surprised, however, and soon after Susan notices the wrinkles on her face become less noticeable, and at the same time, she feels some of the weight she has been carrying on her shoulders since that morning slip away. As if seeing each other, in this difficult time, not only for them, but for the whole Nation, has a calming effect on both of them.

"It's all right", the politician whispers, dismissing the assistant, who hurries off earning her way out of the large room.

"I didn't think today would end like this", the younger one confesses, her voice broken with emotion, and in a flash she feels tears fill her eyes.

"It's been a shocking day for everyone," Elaine confirms in a tired and sad voice.

The other takes a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure she's not within reach of prying ears and moves a step towards the woman in front of her.

"I killed the story", she informs.

"Thank you.", her interlocutor replies caught off guard.

"How?" she then asks, serious.

"A lot of stories will be put on hold for a while", Berg replies, keeping her gaze glued on the other’s.

"And my boss helped", she adds still in disbelief.

"Your ex?", Elaine asks with participation.

"Yeah, the asshole who cheated on me turned out not to be such a total asshole", the reporter tries to joke.

"No one is as horrible as we imagine them to be", Barrish says with transport, thinking of how she has always appraised the woman before her, and hopes with all her heart that the she will catch the sincere and peaceful hint.

"Two weeks ago I wanted to crush Garcetti, this morning I wanted to run with him... and tonight…", unable to continue, she feels her face twitch and lets out a heavy sigh.

Susan can't help but shorten one more step the distance separating her from the stoic woman.

"I'm sorry, I haven't had time to process any of this", she stops, surprised by the touch of the young woman, who, almost invading her personal space, has gently placed a warm hand on hers and without stopping to look into her eyes, moves her thumb over her skin in a gesture that to Elaine seems incredibly consoling.

Reciprocating the intense gaze for a long moment, she finds herself thinking that, despite the formal handshakes, moreover rare, this is the first time they find themselves so close, and although her body suggests to surrender, in a moment she recovers from that spell, without knowing or wanting to give it a precise location.

She lowers her gaze, withdrawing from the gentle touch, "I’m, uh, going home, to be with my family. Uh, Douglas has chosen this occasion to elope", she changes the subject, to chase away the warm feeling in her hand, still alive and far too comforting, for the gravity of the situation.

Susan is furious with herself for the reaction that that latest news is causing her.

"Douglas and Anne eloped?", - _what is it that bothers her so much?_ \- She knows well that what happened on the flight home from the east coast was a terrible mistake.

"Yeah. You must have developed quite a bond with him", the Secretary states, caught off guard by Susan's reaction.

"Yes A professional one", the young woman hastens to point out, hoping the woman won't be suspicious.

The discomfort increases, but once again she is unable to locate the precise reason.

"Please extend my congratulations to both of them", she finally says, regaining control of her emotions, faking a smile.

"I will", the older woman nods, observing her for a long moment, after which, lowering her gaze, she overtake her, heading towards the large door.

Suddenly she stops, turns towards the young woman, stiffening up.

"Tomorrow night I'm gonna fly to France, to assist, however I can", she tells the journalist who turns around in surprise, not sure how to continue and embarrassment seizes her for a moment.

"Uhm... if you're not sick of the plane", she says, sketching a half smile, "You’re welcome to join me", she offers in sincerely after another long pause, trying to mask what to her ears seemed to be a pathetic embarrassed plea, with her attitude of a political animal.

Susan feels an incredible sense of calm pride, at the thought that the woman in front of her wants her by her side for that difficult journey.

She would not allow anyone to put a barrier between her and that request. The reason escapes her, but after everything that has happened between them in the past months, the vile blackmail with which it all began, her judgments spat badly in the newspaper over the previous years, the more than fair lack of trust from the politician, they finally sort of found each other, threw it all out and put it in order, which, paradoxically, required a certain amount of trust.

To analyze the facts all at once, it really seems impossible, where they came from, the older one thinks, unaware that the same thoughts are also lingering in the mind of the young woman in front of her.

Maybe that's why they need each other to face the immediate future, and for the first time, it's not a need tied to something concrete, like a bombshell article, or one strategically written to cover a more compromising news. None of these, it's just a sincere and mutual moral support, the one that binds them in the present.

In this very moment, Susan becomes aware of what has upset her so much before; she doesn't mind Douglas marrying Anne, she only regrets that he, like his mother before him, will find himself in a relationship that doesn't make him fully happy.

And she doesn't care if word gets out that the guy cheated on his bride with her, she only cares about not disappointing once again the woman who is now asking her, - _... her, Susan Berg, journalist until yesterday without scruples, who for years has ridiculed her, blaming her for being her husband's follower and living in his shadow-_ , not to leave her alone, because she knows she won't have any other chance, and it has nothing to do with the article she has been working on for months about her, it has to do with the charm she has discovered in her, after having underestimated her for years. She just doesn't want to lose her. Period.

She also knows that she will have to be honest to the end, sooner rather than later, but this news will have to come out of her mouth, only then will she not lose her, she’s sure about this, because she now knows how much the woman in front of her appreciates honesty. Right now, however, is not really the time.

"I'm there", she answers, spreading a sincere smile.

"Good", Barrish remarks, exhaling a sigh that seems to make her relax instantly. She hesitates for a long moment longer, smiling and maintaining eye contact.

"I'll put you on the manifest", she declares keeping smiling. Then she takes her final leave, once again, with a hint of embarrassment and she walks away forcing herself not to look back.


	2. When Bitches Fly (together)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Always ready for your articles, I see!"  
> "Well… Actually, I'm still looking for an apartment... my sister has been very kind to take me in, but I don't think I can bear a forced cohabitation for much longer… we're pretty too old to share space..."

**TWO: When Bitches Fly (together)**

She is relieved to see that the politic has restored her usual impassive attitude as she watches her encourage the other presidential staff members who will follow her on the flight to Biarritz.

She is reminded of the first time they flew together, shortly after she threatened to write the news of the attempted suicide of her eldest son, TJ, unless she’d had a week to follow her for the engagement party of her other son, Douglas. Yet, despite some bitter jibes, perfectly justifiable, moreover, given the circumstances, the woman had not lacked her usual fairness.

 _"Most of life is hell",_ she had told her in a calm voice, removing her glasses and planted her gaze on her, _"It’s filled with failure and loss. People disappoint you, dreams don't work out, hearts get broken, innocent journalists die. And the best moments of life, when everything comes together, are few and fleeting. But you’ll never get to the next if you don’t keep going. So that's what I do, I keep going"_

"Madam Secretary", she greets her as she finally watches her approach. The woman curls the corners of her mouth into a tugged smile, unexpectedly extending a hand in a firm but gentle grip.

"Susan… I thought we'd cleared that up by now…", she encourages her, joining the palm of her other hand as well.

"Call me Elaine", she offers politely before letting her go.

After nodding hastily, the two sit across from each other in the white seats of the aircraft. Susan closes the lid of her laptop, sending it to standby, and moves it to the side of the coffee table.

"Always ready for your articles, I see!", the secretary remarks with a hint of amusement, in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

"Well… Actually, I'm still looking for an apartment...", she informs her with a slight embarrassment, "...my sister has been very kind to take me in, but I don't think I can bear a forced cohabitation for much longer… we're pretty too old to share space...", she continues in a joking tone.

Elaine raises an eyebrow, surprised by the news, who knows why, she had convinced herself that the young woman would be back with her ex.

"Ah, I don't even think about it!", Susan raises a hand and shakes her heading unison, guessing what is going through the mind of her interlocutor.

"It’s none of my business!", Barrish justifies herself as if to apologize, despite not saying a word.

"I just don't think I can.... put it behind me... what happened, I mean... I couldn't get over it...", she admits, turning her gaze to the sun shining, low on the horizon, beyond the window.

"Even if the other person has realized their mistakes, sometimes it's just too late... when something is over, is just over, and when you get there... you know", the young woman confides without embarrassment.

The Madam Secretary can only nod in approval, following the other's gaze. The plane's engine revs up, as it slowly settles on the runway, Elaine fastens her seatbelt, watching the young woman getting up and sitting next to her.

"I hate taking off and landing in the opposite direction!" she explains, as she fastens her seatbelt. A moment later they are both squished into their seats as the aircraft rolls onto the runway and ascends diving into the darkness towards east.

"We always realize it too late, our mistakes…", Elaine tells her after a while, leaning sideways towards her so she doesn't have to raise her voice too loudly over the roar of the engines under strain from climbing to cruising altitude.

The Berg snorts a bitter, understanding smile, throwing a quick glance at her traveling companion. She is reminded of the first evening they met at the zoo, in front of her so beloved elephants.

_"Beautiful creatures, aren’t they? Majestic, fearsome… but still gentle. They move slower than most animals, but they they travel just as far. But that isn’t what I love most about them.... They are a matriarchal society, and when the males reach their mating age, the females kick them the hell out of the herd"_

Unable to wipe the smile off her face, she unbuckles her seatbelt and returns to sit across from her. Suddenly she becomes aware of the topic of their flight and the corners of her mouth line up horizontally, turning off the expression she had just showed. With a bewildered look she turns to the Secretary, leans toward the small table that divides them, resting her forearms on it and intertwining the fingers of her hands together.

"What next, Elaine?", she asks apprehensively, the older one mimicking her posture, leaning out towards the smooth, opaque surface as well. She looks at her with a good-natured, understanding expression.

"I don't know, Susan," she confesses, shaking her head slightly.

"You can't let Collier keep the power", the journalist states at a barely audible volume.

She watches the older woman lowering her head in a nervous gesture as she lifts her hands slightly from the table, she seems to say 'let me breathe'.

Slowly Susan backs away, sinks her back into the chair in a crunch of leather, her arms fall heavily into her lap in frustration, and instantly she understands the weight Barrish must be feeling on her.

"Sorry… I really have no rights to speak to you like this… much less suggest what you should do", she apologizes with slight embarrassment.

Elaine hastens to shake her head, still facing downward, then suddenly bursts into a hysterical half laugh as she rises to a position more befitting an official of her caliber.

"You now what?", she starts in disbelief as she runs long fingers through her hair, to push it away from her face, "My ex-husband, just last night, was trying to convince me by using almost the same words", she says, trying in vain to become serious again.

Susan is infected with the same hysteria and both stifle a laugh.

"Of course he also tried to convince me to get back with him", Elaine regrets adding the comment as soon as it comes out of her mouth. She clamps her lips shut in an attempt to silence herself, instead she thinks 'fuck it'.

"It looks like he finally realized his mistakes and wants to be a good hubby", she speaks, finding herself eager to see some reaction from the young woman.

After years and years of heavy criticism, she really wants to see if she has changed as much as she seems to. She sees a candid smile spread across her mouth, there is no longer any judgment in her expression and she is pleasantly surprised.

"I’m very happy for you both, Elaine. I mean it", she tells her, and she really means it. The older woman raises a finger.

"Too late!" she points out. She relaxes in her seat, absent-mindedly turning her view outside the window, exhales a deep breath, senses Berg's attention on her, and she’s glad to have her there with her.

_"How much longer are you going to carry around that bitch of a reporter?", Bud had asked her the night before, after her last rejection. "Turns out she's not that much of a bitch", she had answered him in a patient voice, thinking of Susan's words for her ex._

_"Sweetheart, she denigrated you for years, the whole time we were married, because we were married, and he denigrated you afterwards, because we weren't married anymore, she threatened you with TJ past, and then she got it out anyway, and it was this close that she didn't also make a news about your will to run for against Paul, before you had resigned!", Bud had insisted._

_"Well, you know what? I can't blame her, about what she thought of me for all the years I stood by you, I get it now, Bud…", the former consort had replied calmly._

_"And about TJ, I know now that she would never ever let the news out, even though she used it as a threat for her article about me. She just made the mistake of trusting the wrong person, and as soon as she found out she badgered me for a meeting, she put his face on it when she could have pretended nothing happened by now. And the story of me running against Garcetti came from an oversight of Anne's, and you know it, if that article had come out it would have been signed by Georgia Gibbons, just like the one on TJ!", she concluded, marveling at her own willing in defending the journalist._

"Let's just focus on the next few hours, Susan", she suggests calmly, returning to the young woman's previous question.

"They still looking for him, let's try not to anticipate facts, there is still hope", she concludes trying to believe her own words.

"Now let's just try to put something in our stomachs and take some rest for a few hours, it's going to be a long day, tomorrow", she says addressing her a reassuring smile.

———————————————————

For the umpteenth time, he struggles to remain conscious, despite the excruciating pain that runs through every inch of his body, so much so that he fears he may not have a single bone left intact. And then there are the nausea and migraine!

How long has this been happening? Minutes? Hours? Definitely hours, or has he gone blind? No, he's not blind, it's just dark around him, and cold. He recalls on all his experience as a former member of the Special Forces, to keep calm and make up his mind.

One minute everything was fine and they were flying over the Bay of Biscay, shortly they would begin their descent to Paris. He was enjoying his breakfast when the alarms started going off like crazy. He remembers getting up instantly to reach the cockpit, and before he could put his hand on the handle, that tremendous crash. His assistant pinned him down to force him to wear on the emergency equipment, then absolute chaos.

He tries to lift himself up by leveraging his abs, but the effort knocks him out.

———————————————————

Cursing herself for forgetting to pull down the window shade, Susan wakes up to the first light of the European dawn, which from the southeast caresses her face and makes her eyes ache. She stretches in the chair and pulls it back upright, wondering why she didn't agree to spend the night with the Secretary on one of the vacant couches in the suite next door.

Her face flames as the little voice in her head reminds her of what happened the last time she spent time in there. She hides her face in her hands, chasing away the image of herself, half-naked and completely drenched in sweat, after having sex with the son of the woman who might still be lying on that same sofa right now, wishing they had cleaned it up properly before the flight.

A hysterical laugh shakes her for a moment. How could she have spent the night in that cabin? The image of Elaine lying asleep there sends her into confusion. _\- Fuck Doug! -_ she says silently to herself as she tossed the soft blanket aside and stood up, retrieved the bath set from her luggage and headed for the bathroom to freshen up.

"Ms. Berg, Madam Secretary is waiting for you for the breakfast in the main suite", the assistant greets her as she emerges from the bathroom.

"Of course, thank you", she replies to him nonchalantly. _-C’mon Berg, let’s do it!-_ she says to herself.

She fumbles for a while longer, pretending to fold the blanket she used for the night, but after a few minutes she realizes she has no way out of this situation. She inhales two deep breaths, approaches the door to the suite and knocks shyly.

After a few seconds, the door swings open and the Secretary smiles at her friendly, stepping aside to let her in, "I hope you rested well, Susan" she says politely.

She quickly brushes the center of her back, inviting her to sit at the small table, set for two, one pitcher of milk and one of orange juice, Elaine's ever-present blueberries and cereal. More fruit already cut into two large crystal bowls.

Her gaze can't help but leap quickly to the "famous" sofa and noticing a folded blanket identical to the one she warmed herself with right outside the suite, she blushes for the second time in half an hour.

"I've rested enough, thank you, and you Madam Secretary?", she bites the inside of her cheek, aware of the appellation as she is of the fact that Elaine won't let it slide, "Again with these unwieldy titles?", Barrish admonishes her by sitting across from her.

 _\- Here we are, good job Susan! -_ the young woman thinks, feigning indifference, rolling her eyes, "Forgive me, Elaine, I wasn’t thinking, I still haven't gotten used to it", she confesses sincerely, and at the same time she suspects that that last 'Madam Secretary' slipped out of her mouth in an unconscious attempt to distance herself from the memory of that fucking sofa.

Elaine looks at her halfway amused and halfway touched, she is a little taken aback by this clumsy justification that doesn't convince her much, moreover she realizes that the young woman is blushing, _-Something is missing- she_ thinks, but decides not to insist further. The thought of the day ahead brings her back to her sense of duty and with a serious expression she decides to instruct the woman on the day's program.


	3. When Bitches Serve (the nation)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Susan, you do have the informations for the hotel reservation, don't you?"  
> "Sure Elaine, don't worry, I'll be fine"

**THREE: When Bitches Serve (the nation)**

The man opens his eyes once again, disturbed by the gross acrid smell coming from the ground a few inches from his nose and immediately realizes that he has threw up while unconscious, he slowly crawls away from the yellowish puddle, to control the pain, fearing to lose consciousness once again. He brings a hand to his face and finds that it is encrusted with something he imagines is blood, he follows the path of the dried blood and when he reaches the back of his head he finds the source of the leak, the wound however does not appear to be very deep.

He brings a hand to one shoulder, remembering his emergency backpack, but guesses that he must have lost it during the fall. The fall... suddenly he gets flashes of the accident, someone clutching his equipment on his waist while the aircraft is shaking terribly, alarm sounds can be heard over the roar of the engines and others loud noises, not well identified, while he tries to talk to the two pilots inside the cockpit, powerful hands push him towards the emergency door, he seems to hear a terrifying word, 'drone', then a wave of freezing air invades him, 'you have to go, Sir! A bodyguard shouts at him, then pushes him forcefully into the awfully cold void.

Sucked up by gravity, he falls on his back as he watches the Air Force One speed away, another explosion breaks off part of the plane, and he is hit by a series of debris that sends him sprawling sideways and whirling furiously around himself, he struggles to regain the buoyancy he needs to use his parachute, and by the time he finally manages to pull the lever, he realizes it's too late. He furiously clutches at the handles in an attempt to further break his fall and maneuver the bulging fabric of air, but the trees too close are the last thing he remembers.

He glances around, looking for the parachute that must have been ripped from him by the thousand tree arms that bumped him before reaching the ground, and he sees it caught on a low branch, but not enough to reach it, the emergency backpack hangs swinging, moved by the light gusts of wind, the rockets inside are unreachable, but the GPS works anyway! - _then why haven't they found me yet?-_ he asks himself.

His attention finally focuses on his legs and what he sees is horrifying, from the torn black fabric of his expensive suit, multiple exposed fracture bones sprout and this reality hits him like a runaway train.

———————————————————

As they wait for the plane's white door to open, Susan puts her mind at rest about the limitations of her presence there. She knows perfectly well that she can't stand beside the Secretary of State in this emergency; she has to step aside and let her do her work, settling herself to join the mass of reporters who are huddled on the shoreline near the remains of the plane, which they have been able to watch in horror during their landing.

She finally hears the hiss of depressurization and the crisp french morning air greets her, the woman next to her inhales heavily and she turns to look at her, deluding herself that she can be supportive, somehow."C’mon", the politician whispers, as if she has sensed her thoughts. At the end of the staircase, President Harbin and her staff wait motionless as marble statues, "Margot!", Barrish exclaims with her arm outstretched toward a handshake. Susan steps aside, moving a few feet away, leaving them to the appropriate pleasantries. After a few minutes watching the two power women whisper gravely to each other, her traveling companion invites her to approach for introductions.

"Ms. Berg was preparing an article about my family, so I invited her to join me, she will follow the developments along with the press already on site", she states with a tugged smile. "President Harbin", the reporter shakes the French President's hand, then feels Elaine's touch on her shoulder.

"President, if you'll excuse me for just a minute…", the woman gently pushes her away, followed at a distance by two members of her staff.

"Susan, you do have the informations for the hotel reservation, don't you?", the older one asks hastily, "Sure Elaine, don't worry, I'll be fine", Berg replies trying to calm her down."We'll keep in touch, anyway", Barrish promises. The young woman nods and after a moment of hesitation, briefly smiles at her and heads for the terminal.

———————————————————

The conference room on the ground floor of the Hotel du Palais is swarming with people walking quickly back and forth, carrying bundles of papers who knows where, and Elaine feels as if she has entered an immense anthill. She follows the French President to the large oval table that has been set up at one end of the large room, where other members of the Gallic presidential staff are waiting for the briefing. Without too many pleasantries, the two politicians sat down and simultaneously turned their gaze to the head of the recovery operation. 

"Twenty-seven bodies…", the man in full uniform begins tiredly, "The President is not among them", he hastens to clarify, "We know that there were thirty-four people onboard, including Garcetti and the two pilots... in this type of emergency is supposed that the President is ejected with the emergency backpack as soon as possible, among the recovered debris there are some missing emergency units, so, the hope that he may have launched before the disaster are not to be underestimated", he announces with a hopeful expression.

"There is a chance that President Garcetti was able to launch himself before the crash, but something must have happened, because the vest contains the flare gun, two spare rockets, and is equipped with GPS, which we can't track though, and this is very strange...", Elaine agrees logically, "Madam Secretary, there is a suspect that there was some tampering", the man admits in a professional tone. Elaine feels herself faint for a moment, aware of the gravity of the news. She leans across the table in disbelief.

"Are you saying this was not an accident? ", she asks trying to maintain a firm tone.

"The evidences gathered so far suggest that this was not a simple accident, unfortunately...", the man states, "I have had the search extended by expanding the radius by fifty kilometers in all directions, well beyond the range of a possible... emergency launch, according to our ballistic experts, we will find it, Ma'am", he assures firmly.

———————————————————

Susan feels herself being pushed for the umpteenth time by a colleague from an unspecified nation, as she follows, from the shortest distance allowed, the recovery operations that have been going on since the very first moment after the crash, the Coast Guard boats gliding over the calm waters, some, slowly, assisting the divers in the immediate vicinity of the Air Force One carcass, others, faster, moving back and forth on an imaginary grid composed of equally imaginary straight vertical and horizontal lines. They remind her of the method used by the police during investigations, to analyze crime scenes... _-That's what it looks like, an immense, endless crime scene-_ she thinks with anguish.

The authorities have set up a huge shed on the flat part of the beach, where the debris recovered from the waters is collected and classified, a second smaller shed communicates with the main one through a corridor that gives the impression of being a giant umbilical cord, the noise of the generators reaches her ears, despite the confusion all around her. She imagines what those generators are for, to keep the smaller shed cold, so that the contents of the long black bags she saw carried inside, when she arrived several hours earlier, do not deteriorate, before the examination.

Her thoughts race to Elaine, wondering how she's doing, if she knows whether or not the President's body is also in one of those bags. She slips a hand into her purse, looking for her cell phone, in the faint hope that there is a message from her, as if it were a habit of theirs, exchanging text messages, _-How nonsense!-_ she thinks, touching the device and then forcing herself to leave it in place without checking it.

———————————————————

The smoking room is shrouded in such a thick fog that Elaine is tempted to turn on her heels and give up the little break. She hasn't had time to light a cigarette since she left Washington and now she really can't take it anymore. With this in mind she wanders into the room, nervously opening the packet in her hand, puts her fake sedative between her lips and blindly rummages through her purse for a lighter, her hands ending up on her cell phone the instant an official not far away offers her a flame.

"Thank you", she slurs absentmindedly as she pulls out her phone and sucks in the first puff. The message on the display informs her that there are two calls from Bud and no less than five calls from 'President' Collier. A cloud of smoke dissipates in front of her face as her gaze searches for the nearest ashtray.

Her thoughts go to Susan Berg. She knows she can't divulge the suspicions that were expressed at the briefing that will continue shortly, even though she now feels she can trust her as both a human being and a professional, but it has been hours since she left her at the airport and she feels compelled to give her some news about her day. She retrieves her number on the display and thumbs the green icon onscreen. She finds herself counting the rings that reach her ear, and on the tenth ring she struggles to close the connection, irritably tossing the device into her expensive purse.

She crushes the only half-smoked cigarette in the faceted crystal container with the same attitude and heads for the hotel reception desk, to check in, while she waits for the meeting to resume. "Would you please tell me if Miss Berg has arrived yet?", she surprisingly finds herself asking as the receptionist returns her ID. The young man checks the computer and after a time that seemed interminable to Barrish he replies in unaccented English that no, Miss Susan Berg has not yet registered and asks her if she would like to leave a message for her. The politician refuses and walks away thanking him.

She heads back to the conference room and reaches back into her bag for the cell phone. She typesa text and quickly presses the send button, fearing she will change her mind if she lingers a second too long.

———————————————————

For the first time he curses the day he decided to quit smoking, seven years before. It seems that he has spent hours gathering brushwood, dragging by his arms through the thick vegetation around him, his body is as if anesthetized and he cannot feel that pile of bones and flesh that are his legs now.

He had the guts to check, tearing off the remains of his pants, and verified that he had no damage to any major arteries. But he knows it's just a matter of time, and the lack of sensibility his lower limbs is not a good sign. On top of that, he hasn't had a drop of water in hours and knows he's thrown up at least once, the danger of dehydration adds to the rest. The famous three surviving rules comes to his mind:

_Three minutes without oxygen, and you're dead._

_Three days without water, and you're dead._

_Three weeks without food, and you're dead._

He knows that the rescue team is looking for him, although they aren't flying over the area yet. The problem is that the trees above him make him virtually invisible, and the only hope he has is to start a fire.

But he doesn't have a shred of anything with him, and building a bow to ignite it in these conditions and gathering enough wood and foliage to make enough smoke to be visible takes time on its own, let alone if you're practically paralyzed from the waist down.

———————————————————

Leaving the crowd of colleagues and onlookers behind, Susan makes her way to the Hotel du Palais, where she knows there is a room booked in her name. She’s had enough of being among the sweaty, smelly riff-raff.

The situation in the lobby isn't that different from what she found not far away, but at least, people are more composed and quiet. For a second, the idea of looking around for some acquaintances crosses her mind, but she decides it's better to take a break. The day is not over yet and has been filled with anxiety and worry, better to stop.

Without wasting time, she gives her name to the receptionist and waits impatiently. Turning her head to the side, she notices two security guards standing on either side of a large, dark, polished wooden double door. She knows instintively that it is the main entrance to the conference room and that behind that door the tragic events of the last few hours are being discussed.

She jerks absentmindedly when one of the two doors suddenly swings open and a group of government officials hastily emerge in single file. She can make out the unmistakable figure of Secretary Barrish, gesturing with her typical calmness, looking very fatigued, hoping that she has had time to put something on her stomach, as she realizes that she herself has been fasting since the morning. One of the two guards gently closes the heavy door and the vision disappears.

_"Our time together is done, get out", she had stated her in a flat, calm tone."Madam Secretary, I can assure you, I had nothing to do with this", she had replied, taking a step in her direction._

_"I don't care, get out", the woman had harshly insisted."I wasn't even aware there was anyone at my paper even looking into", the young woman had insisted, aware of the opportunity that was slipping from her hands."Really... I am as upset as you are", she had added in desperation._

_"You couldn't possibly be as upset as I am", Elaine had retorted with a grimace of pain on her face, "Was it your child you found barely alive? Was it? No. It seems the story missed a few details! But what do you care? To you people, my son has always been just another drug-addict cautionary tale, responsible for all of his own misfortunes"_

_Susan wanted to bury herself, but she forced herself to remain still, facing the woman who was slowly crumbling in front of her. That was a more than justified outburst and she had to deal with it._

_"But he was the first openly gay son of a president!", Elaine had painfully continued, striving to maintain an acceptable volume, "You will never know the vitriol, the evil he suffered when he came out, against his will, as a boy in the White House! And yet, you trade on his pain and suffering to coerce me into this interview! Where is that in this story? Uh? Where in there does it say what kind of person you are?", the woman had heaved a deep sigh in an awkward attempt to regain control of herself, under Susan's chilling eyes._

_"The only good news I’ve gotten all week is that I don't have to share the same space with you anymore", she had gasped, "And now get the hell out!", she had finished ranting all in one breath surrendering to anger._

The receptionist who hands her the magnetic card of her room redeems her from this painful memory, she thanks him with a nod and heads towards the elevators. She notices that she is breathing heavily in an attempt to banish the unpleasant sensation caused by these painful memories. Determined to let Elaine know where she can find her when she's done, she pulls her cell phone out of her purse as she closes the door to her room behind her.

Elaine's unanswered call flashes on the display, she instinctively curses herself for not hearing the phone, then notes with surprise the message sent a few minutes later.

«Susan, it's crazy here. I hope to find you later. Elaine»

The young woman hurried to answer, then absent-mindedly threw the phone on the bed and started to open the luggage delivered directly from the airport.


	4. When Bitches Dine (despite all)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was still a little girl then, but seeing that shed on the beach set up as a mortuary... it reminded me of the footage they were sending out all over again on TV at that time"  
> "I don't know why I asked you to join me on this bloody day, Susan. I can't tell you what's going on entirely, much less the details of what's going on down there. I should have foreseen how horrible it would be, I'm sorry...  
> "Believe me, I'm well aware of your limitations. And you don't have to apologize, I'm not a child anymore, Elaine… it's just… crazy..."

**Four: When Bitches Dine (despite all)**

She feels her cell phone vibrate inside her purse, just as the team is taking their leave. It's been hours since she sent that message, and although she doesn't know why, she's certain it's the reporter's reply. She finds herself strangely impatient to be able to read it.

As she exits the large hall and heads to the elevators, she grabs the mobile device.

«My apologies, Elaine. In all the confusion I just didn't hear the call. I just went up to the room. When and if you want to, you know where to find me. Susan.»

Elaine feels exhausted as she inserts the key card that unlocks the door to her suite with a click. She just wants to slip into the shower and then hide under the covers, which at first glance look decidedly comfortable and warm.

However, she managed to eat just a couple of sandwich es provided by the catering service, and the idea of sharing a non-busy dinner, in the quiet of this cozy room, in the company of someone she never, ever a few months earlier would have dreamed of bringing along, she didn't mind at all.

«I guess it wasn't a joke out there either. If you're not too tired and haven't had dinner yet, I'll wait for you in my suite in an hour.»

As she places her cell phone back on the coffee table in front of the large window, she pauses to look at the remains of the presidential plane and the non-stop work five floors below. A chill runs down her spine. A second shiver shakes her when the sound of an incoming message breaks the silence.

«Gladly! See you in a bit then.», reading the message makes her relax a little.

———————————————————

The hot shower has invigorated her and allowed her to discharge the excess tension accumulated during the heavy day, making her regain some energy. She is perusing the room service menu when she hears a knock on the door.

Susan is relieved to see that the politician has preferred, like her, to wear comfortable clothes. She thinks it's quite strange to see her wearing a simple shirt and a pair of faded jeans, used to seeing her always dressed in clothes that are in proper with her social position. She definitely looks more human this way.

Elaine lets her in and immediately hands her the menu, "I don't know about you, but I haven't had a decent meal since this morning on the plane" she tells her, inviting her to sit at the small table that, in the light of the impending sunset, has taken on a warm orange hue.

The overbearing image of the white sofa in the plane's presidential suite distracts Susan for a moment, and she hurries to close the menu and deposit it on the edge of the table.

"I was thinking of ordering the steamed fish and a salad" the Secretary states, "I think that will work for me, too", the young woman agrees with a smile for her benefit.

After ordering the courses, Elaine sits across from her. Distractedly she looks at the horizon line over the Ocean, which is preparing to welcome the sun. Susan mimics her, "They haven't found the body yet...", Elaine begins after a long moment of silence.

"I know...," the reporter replies in a participatory voice."I saw several helicopters flying over the area... It's crazy…", she adds as if talking to herself. "I've seen some horrible things out there today... I've never covered crime stories, maybe I'd be used to it otherwise", she confides as she turns back to look at the profile of the woman in front of her. Elaine turns around out of empathy and when she sees Susan's bewildered look her heart clenches and in a moment of protective instinct she regrets having asked her to join her.

"Do you remember the massacre in Guyana?", the reporter asks her. Elaine immediately nods, "Reverend Jones.", she confirms in a grave tone. "I was still a little girl then, but seeing that shed on the beach set up as a mortuary... it reminded me of the footage they were sending out all over again on TV at that time", she confesses shocked.

Elaine can't help but cover one of her hands by laying her palm on it in a gesture of comfort very similar to the one the same young woman had offered her two nights before, "I don't know why I asked you to join me on this bloody day, Susan", she confesses to her as if in apology. "I can't tell you what's going on entirely, much less the details of what's going on down there. I should have foreseen how horrible it would be, I'm sorry...", she reasons, turning a fleeting glance at the beach lit by the powerful halogen lights set up all around.

"Believe me, I'm well aware of your limitations", Susan raises her hands, removing herself from the woman's warm hand. "And you don't have to apologize, I'm not a child anymore, Elaine… it's just… crazy...", she reiterates, shaking her head wearily. Elaine crosses her legs and places her hands in her lap, studying her for a few moments, "Yes... yes, it is..."

———————————————————

The light is fading faster than he would have expected, he hears the roar of the rotors of the helicopters circling high and even though he can't see them he knows they are there for him. He's exhausted and his throat burns terribly from dehydration, his head has been throbbing for hours now and he suspects it's not because of the wound, but that this too is another symptom of the lack of fluids.

But by now he has almost everything ready, he just has to mentally prepare himself for a last effort that he already knows will be incredibly painful, his greatest fear is to lose consciousness again and let the right moment slip from his hands, because he doubts he will get alive the next morning.

He rips off one sleeve of his silk shirt, wraps it around a small broken branch and hunts the bundle between his teeth, then without further thought inhales a deep breath and reaches down to his own feet, clenching his jaw as hard as he can as he feels the pain in his legs spurt past his threshold of endurance.

With the tips of his index and middle fingers he manages to untie the bow of his leather shoes. With extreme effort and in pain, after a time that seems interminable, finally the lace of his right shoe is tightened in his palm. He spits the bundle out of his mouth and lies down a few moments to rest, panting loudly.

He prepares the bow with the sturdy lanyard and attaches the hardest wood stick to it. The leather belt protects his palm from working the wood on the bait. A few seconds and a light smoke billows out. _\- Come on Paul, we're almost there! -_ he says to himself as he blows on the embers and carefully adds the dry leaves, in a blaze of orange, finally a flame is released between his hands and he hurries to place the fire under the pile of wood he has prepared earlier.

As the fire grows in intensity, Paul Garcetti feeds it with everything he has gathered in the previous hours, until the time comes to use the fresh vegetation and finally a thick white smoke rises beyond the dense forest, beyond the tips of the trees, towards the sky and the helicopters.

The President drops back with an animalistic grunt, and closes his eyes, now all he really has to do is wait.

———————————————————

They ate with little pleasure, and in silence, occasionally giving distracted glances at the colorful spectacle of the sunset that played out in front of them. The room service waiter had already come by and cleared the table of the remains of their dinner.

Their gaze now lingers wearily on the illuminated area of the beach, where the workers continue to work non-stop. On the table rest two glasses with amber liquid that neither of them feels like tasting.

Elaine absentmindedly gets up, taking the pack of cigarettes from the nightstand, walks over to the other window in the suite and opens it, resting one shoulder on the frame as she inhales the first puff of smoke. "Can I borrow one?", Susan asks as she approaches. Barrish looks at her in amazement with a raised eyebrow. She thinks about saying something, but by now she's so absorbed in the silence of the last hour that she doesn't really know how to improve it and gives up, offering her the packet.

The journalist has always felt awkward with a cigarette in her hand. She thinks it's time to take her leave, but she doesn't feel like retiring to her room just yet.

Elaine has not yet finished her sigarette when she notices some beach workers heading quickly down the street, entering two ambulances which are leaving in a hurry. She realizes that she hasn't heard helicopters nearby for some time. With a quick gesture she leans out of the window to look in the direction where the rescue vehicles have headed.

Susan recovers from her stupor noticing her sudden change in energy, approaches her and leaning out into the cool evening air, places a hand on her back. "What is it, Elaine?", she asks anxiously, "Something's going on", the hopeful woman informs her.

Then, the sound of someone knocking on the door of the suite. The Secretary hurries over and exchanges a few words with the man across the threshold. She brings a hand to her chest and hastily dismisses the staff member.

Susan approaches her, waiting, "They found him!", announces the other one shortening the distance, "Is he okay?", the young woman asks with concern. "I don't know, but he's alive, they're taking him to the hospital...," she informs her excitedly rushing to retrieve her purse. "I have to go!", she concludes.

"I'm coming with you!", Berg tells her firmly. "Just give me time to get my things from my room", she says as she sees the woman raise her hands and shake her head in a gesture of refusal. "Susan, it's been a grueling day! Go rest, at least you who can!", she advises her.

"You said you don’t know why you asked me to join you here…", Susan protests cutting her off. "Let me come with you, then. That's why I'm here", she says softening the tone of her voice.


	5. When Bitches Assist (one another)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I have no clue how it will taste, but it's the best I could find around…"  
> "I was already ready to give you a good scolding, fearing you'd sneak off to snoop who knows where!"  
> "I think that's the meanest thing you'd ever said about me!"  
> "Susan... It's horrible..."

**Five: When Bitches Assist (one another)**

The wait is nerve-wracking. As soon as they stepped out of the government car and into the hospital complex, they were greeted by eight members of Security, who escorted them to a private waiting room, and Barrish was told that as soon as possible, the Chief of Operations would update her on the President's condition.

It seems to Elaine that hours have passed since they sat in the comfortable chairs waiting for news. Tiredness is really starting to set in, even taking into account the jet-lag.

The Berg had left a few minutes earlier, apologizing hastily, and just as the suspicion was forming in the woman's mind that she had gone snooping around somewhere, the young woman re-entered the small room with two coffee cups in her hands.

"I have no clue how it will taste", she exclaims, "But it's the best I could find around…", she ends, handing over the drink with a sympathetic smile. "I was already ready to give you a good scolding, fearing you'd sneak off to snoop who knows where!", the older one replies, masking her surprise as she willingly accepts the cup.

"I think that's the meanest thing you'd ever said about me!", the reporter jokes as she sits down next to her, happy to see a sincere smile open up on her interlocutor's mouth. Elaine follows her with her gaze while continuing to smile and raises the container with the hot liquid in her direction, "Thank you.", "You're welcome!", Berg replies removing the lid and inhaling the steam that disperses in front of her face.

"Oh, God!", she whispers in disgust, pushing her nose away."Susan...," the other one calls her at the same time. She turns distractedly towards her without opening her mouth, "It's horrible...", Elaine states in a flat tone. The young woman can't help but burst into one of her typical muffled laughs, and the woman next to her, for the first time, realizes how much she likes that sound.

The moment is interrupted by the Chief of Security, who calls the attention of the Secretary of State. The two stand up at the same time, Elaine turning to Susan not quite sure what to say or do. The Berg gently takes the still half-full cup from her hand."Go…", she invites her, nodding, "I’ll be right here, c’mon", she encourages her smiling fondly.

———————————————————

"They gave him several IVs of fluids, he was very dehydrated, they're going to keep him under observation for his head wound, and of course he has several more or less superficial abrasions...", the imposing man who only until just now personally watched over the President informs her in a professional tone, "...but the most serious damage is the one he suffered to his legs from the fall. They've kept him in the operating room until now to put in place the multiple fractures, he's now sleeping off the light anesthesia they gave him to treat his injuries.", he ends under the Secretary's watchful gaze. "What about the First Lady?", Barrish asks. "She'll be here shortly, Madam Secretary" he states as he waves her way with a hand gesture.

Elaine almost faints when she sees Paul Garcetti, ashy complexion, lying down and still unconscious. Part of the back of his head has been shaved off to suture a cut at least four inches long. The excoriations she can see on the exposed skin are innumerable. His right leg is in a cast from the knee down, while in the left the white constriction rises almost to the groin. The woman can't help but think about the long rehabilitation the man will have to face.

She turns around to locate the nearest chair and, after lifting it to make as little noise as possible, places it at his superior's bedside and sits in it as a wave of fatigue returns.

Suddenly mindful that she hadn't yet had the time or thought to notify the family, she pulled her cell phone out of her purse, determined to get Bud a little update.

"I can't talk. He's fine. Just keep it to yourself. I'll be in touch as soon as I can", she texts hastily and immediately puts the device back in its place.

The rustle it causes brings Garcetti back into the real world and after a few seconds of struggle he manages to lift his eyelids heavily. Elaine slips her bottom onto the edge of the chair and gently touches him on an area of his forearm that is not covered with abrasions.

"Mr. President!", she greets him, welcoming him with a smile. "Your wife will be here any minute", she informs him in a gentle voice. "What about the others?", the man asks with effort. Elaine twists her lips and shakes her head, "I'm sorry, Mr. President…", she speaks him watching him sag with a pained expression, "...you were very lucky", she adds, "We were all worried about you", she concludes.

"Not all of you, Elaine…", the man exhales after a few moments. The woman raises her head, captured by the man's words.

———————————————————

After half an hour waiting, Susan surrenders to the evidence that the long night is just began and decides to boot up her laptop. In the stillness of the quiet little room, she immerses herself in writing her piece on Elaine Barrish and quickly loses track of time.

Caught up as she is in typing her stream of words, she doesn't notice the door quietly opening and the Secretary tiptoeing in. "I had hoped to find her resting, Susan!", she tells her in a quiet voice, surprised that the young one is awake and operational instead.

Berg looks up distractedly, "Oh, hey!", she smiles at her, Elaine's face is so tense she decides not to ask any questions and immediately hurries to save the open file to her desktop, her eye falls on the word count. _\- Twenty-two thousand? - ,_ she's shocked, wondering how will she be able to synthesize the article without leaving out anything that she feels is in the way. She begins to put things in her bag, feeling the other woman's gaze on her.

"We need to get some rest, we’ll come back home tomorrow", she informs her in a rehearsed tone. "Let's go then", she replies joining her at the door.

"How strange...", Elaine begins with her eyes closed, resting the back of her head on the car’s headrest. Susan looks away from the night lights, shining on the road to the hotel, to rest them on her, "What?", she asks in a flat tone. Elaine turns to meet her eyes and a half smile escapes her, in spite of the gravity of the situation. "You haven't asked me a single question yet", Barrish points out to her. "I don't need to, Elaine…", she replies sympathetically with a gentle smile, "And not after a day like this", she adds, leaning her head back on the dark leather fabric.

Elaine realizes that the lack of questions is more to the her own benefit, rather than the reporter’s one, and instinctively her palm rests over the young woman's hand, "Thank you…", she whispers softening her voice and barely tightening her grip to emphasize the concept, before ending the contact. "You don't have to thank me, Elaine…", she reassures her as she returns her gaze on her.

Half an hour later, the two bid each other farewell without much pleasantry and retired to their respective rooms.

Exhausted, Susan slumps sideways on the bed, intending to take a moment, before undressing and slipping under the covers. Her blank stare is lost in the whiteness of the ceiling above her.

What happened to the President?

How is it possible that Air Force One crashed?

Where did they rescue him?

What, exactly, is his medical condition?

Will he heal?

When will he return to his homeland?

Why does Elaine want or need to leave so quickly?

\- _And more importantly, why the heck didn't you ask her all these damn questions? -_ , she finally asks herself incredulously. She lets out a deep sigh, _\- Because it was a crazy day for me, let alone for her! -_ , she answers herself in a justifying tone. _-Now, since when you’ve gone so soft around her?! -_ , she finally questions herself.

She puffs hiding her face by crossing her arms in front of her face."Susan Berg, you're going mush!" he recites loudly.

———————————————————

Two floors up, Elaine slips out of her clothes and decides she needs another shower before she goes to bed, even though it is now the middle of the night and the time for a decent night's sleep is getting shorter and shorter. She mentally thanks her traveling companion once again for taking pity on her earlier. She imagines it wasn't easy for her, holding back her tongue and questions. A very unexpected gesture, she smiles as she enters under the hot water spray.

Yet some part of her had felt the need to open her mouth and tell her everything she had come to know in the previous hours. But even if she had wanted to, she couldn't have done that, and that realization annoys her.

And in the squiggle of this brooding annoys her as well.

She shakes her head, as if to stop herself from keeping with this absurd lucubration, as she slips into comfortable pajamas and finally slips under the soft covers."Something is eluding you, Elaine", she tells herself after huffing a deep sigh.


	6. When Bitches Play (and have fun)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry, Susan…"  
> "I get it, Elaine... I just want you to know that I'm not going to write a piece on it, at least for the time being"  
> "Then why did you come with me?"  
> "Because you asked me to"

**Six: When Bitches Play (and have fun)**

For the first two hours on the return trip, Elaine locked herself in the jet suite apologizing for having to make a series of phone calls, Susan then decided to pick up her article on the Secretary of State to see if she could streamline it a bit.

She scrolls it up and down, but instead of simplifying it and removing paragraphs or details, she finds herself adding more, and although she currently knows little or nothing about the journey that is about to end, she knows for sure that there will be the summary of the next few hours to add to the rest, _\- not to mention the next few months! -,_ she thinks, with the knowledge that Garcetti's accident will lead, if nothing else, to a redistribution of government positions, throughout the whole time of his convalescence.

Also thinking about the hours immediately before the plane crash, Barrish's future ambitions, everything that had happened in the months leading up to it, the reporters in Oman, the Chinese submarine stranded off the coast of San Diego, she realizes that summarizing is not a good idea at all, and so she makes a decision that makes the corners of her mouth curl upward.

Finally, the politician emerges from the suite and sits down in front of her, placing two glasses on the table, filled to the brim with lemonade, which reminds Susan of the time she found her waiting outside the office of her newspaper.

_"Hi!", "Hi!", the reporter had replied surprised as she exited the building."Brought you something", Barrish had started by handing her the drink, "I just wanted to thank you in person, you stuck your neck out for me. And that is a rare gesture in this town", Susan had shrugged her shoulders as if it was nothing._

_"You know... it's uh… it’s hard to make new acquaintances here in Washington... you know... to meet people you can trust…", she had told her as side by side they took a few steps away from the main entrance of the building._

_Susan had followed the woman's speech with some puzzlement and skepticism, but had let her continue. "And for some reason it’s even harder with other women, although it always seemed to me it should be the opposite, right?", "Yeah", the young woman had agreed._

_The confidence of the woman in front of her displaced her. She had such a natural way of expressing what was on her mind and her desires that she wished she had the same skill, instead of feeling embarrassed._

_"Anyway... I wondered if you'd like to join me for a walk tomorrow", she had asked with that typical confidence of hers. "Like, one of your famous power walks?", the young woman had asked with an amused look. "Well, it's just a walk, really, but uhm... is that a 'yes'?", "Yes!", Berg had confirmed immediately._

_After telling her that Garcetti had been sending her around the world for months to keep her away from the country for fear that she was planning to run against him, Susan had told her that if his intentions were indeed those and she didn't write it first, she would surely lose her credibility with everyone at the paper. Actually, there was morethan that. A part of her wished Elaine would trust her._

_Secretary Barrish had taken a step towards her, almost invading her personal space, "I am not running for president", she spoke. Susan knew that wasn't the truth, but she couldn't tell her. All she could do was let it go, and feel disappointed. "But I’m looking forward to spend more time together", the older woman had said, before taking her leave._

_\- You could have saved that one! -, Susan had thought, masking her bitterness and the strange lump in her throat behind a smile. But then again, what could she expect when she herself was not honest and loyal with her?_

Things are very different today, she thinks fondly, as she clamps her lips over the straw and savors the sour liquid, _\- except for one, small, white, soft leather detail! -_ whispers her inner little voice, making her drink go sideways at the image of the damn couch forms into her mind."Sorry!", she raises her hands reassuringly to her traveling companion, composing herself and straining to smile.

After watching her for a while, expecting a few questions, Elaine leans over to the small table that separates them, waiting to get her full attention. She exhales a deep sigh and places her eyes in those of the young woman."The President will be discharged in a couple of days", she starts in a serious tone. "It's going to be a long recovery… he's going to need a lot of rehabilitation… but it's not life threatening.", she informs, aware that she can't add much more.

"Then I suppose that we are heading at some very busy months ahead for the entire staff...", Susan reasons, "Yes, that is very likely, Susan", the other confirms without getting unbalanced."Look...", she leans over to get closer, "I sense that the situation is more serious and grave than it seems, and it seems very much so...", Barrish opens her mouth to say something, but Susan stops her with a quick gesture. "Elaine, I know... that's all you can tell me, even in confidence, really, I understand…", "I'm sorry, Susan…", the politician tells her in a seriously.

Susan smiles, "I get it, Elaine... I just want you to know that I'm not going to write a piece on it, at least for the time being", the woman tilts her head to the side, doubtful, "Then why did you come with me?", she asks curiously, "Because you asked me to", the younger one smilingly answers her, happy to see herself imitated by her interlocutor.

"That's actually a very nice thing to say, you know?", Susan snorts in one of her choked up laughs."It was also very nice to be asked to join you, after all that's happened between us, don’t you think", she retorts sincerely."Yeah..." the woman agrees, nodding slowly.

"You know... sometimes I wonder how we got here...", the journalist confesses to her, not quite knowing how to express the concept in her mind. "Yeah... it happens to me too…", the other one replies while maintaining eye contact with a smile, confirming that no clearer explanation is needed.

"It's often by how an initially stormy relationship is handled that you can tell the value of the person in front of you… whether or not it's worth holding on to", "Should I collect all your wise thoughts and make it a whole piece on that?", Berg jokes."Oh, please!", the other dismisses her, holding up her game.

Susan comes serious again, thinking about the decision she made just moments before. "I'm not going to write any articles, for the time being, about you, Elaine…", she announces, "Unless you want me to…", she continues so as not to be interrupted, "There really is so much to tell, so much material... I'd like to write a book about it!", she confesses enthusiastically looking into her eyes.

Barrish presses her back into the chair, startled by the news. "About me?!", she asks incredulously and amused."Yes! What do you think?", the journalist asks all in one breath with a hint of momentum."Miss Berg, you know very well that you don't need my permission to write a book about me...", the politician tells her in a good-natured and somewhat joking tone. "I don't need your permission, Madam Secretary, but I do need your blessing", she points out respectfully.

Elaine looks at her intently for a long moment, unsure how to respond and flattered by the show of respect."And… in the title do you plan to include the word 'bitch'?" she jokes, tearing out of her another one of those adorable laughs. "You’ll have it", she finally replies, deciding that it really is time to leave the cumbersome appellations behind once and for all.

"Good!", Susan exclaims trying to contain her excitement. "Now…", she adds on, reaching into her purse and pulling out her iPad, "When we were coming back from Oman, the former President and I spent some time playing Scrabble, how about a little game to kill some time?", she proposes with a disarming smile on her face. Elaine can't help but burst out laughing, "If you ask me with that look I'm in!", she replies keeping smiling.

———————————————————

"D - A - Z - L - I - O - U - S," Elaine recites as she touches the screen of the device to place the letters within the digital grid. Susan looks at her amused with a raised eyebrow and crossed arms feigning disapproval. "Why won't she take it from me?", the woman questions in frustration, watching the letters on the screen move until they return to their original position.

Berg scratches the tip of her nose, "Uhm... maybe just because it's not a real word?", she replies trying to keep a stern tone."I don't like the digital version of this game! Can't I explain to this gizmo the meaning of my word with an example so it will accept it?", the politician jokes.

"YOUR word?", the young woman asks chuckling."Well actually it's not really mine… I discovered it in a movie, SNOW CAKE, the main character is an autistic woman, good movie, the actress really good, we might watch it sometime", Susan recomposes herself, "Good idea, you've got me curious, I really want to know what DAZLIOUS means!", she chants amused.

"So?… what are you doing? Are you passing?", she asks impatiently after a while. Barrish snorts raising her arms to the sky. "It’s all yours!", she replies belligerently.

Susan giggles and begins to move the letters she has in her hand. One, two, three... and magically all seven letters she uses, added of the two already on the game stay where she placed them when she presses the green confirmation button.

Elaine snaps forward in disbelief, "What word is that?" she asks in amazement, "You're cheating, aren't you? This thing is rigged!", she accuses her in a jokingly disgusted tone. The young one’s choked laughter warms her heart, but she still plays the offended party. "What a heck of a word is PETRICHOR?", she asks incredulously.

Berg can't hold back another laugh before settling comfortably and gloating in her seat, relishing the moment of victory, before launching into her explanation."PETRICHOR is the scent of rain on dry earth…", she instructs her, purposely pausing for effect. Elaine is speechless.

"Some plants, during periods of drought, produce a kind of... essence, which is used to delay the germination of the seeds...", the tone of her voice has become softer, and as she speaks she sees a smile slowly widen on the woman's face.

"This substance is absorbed by the soil. When it rains, it disperses in the air and produces that characteristic smell. Do you know that that smell is one of the most recognizable ones for the human being? It’s like an atavistic imprinting, something reliable of when we still lived in caves", she concludes, smiling fondly.

The Secretary reflects by nodding her head, "Really interesting...", she agrees, "I had no idea there was a name and a scientific explanation for this bizarre phenomenon. Thanks for sharing", she glances at her, smiling, "How did you learn that?", she then asks curiously.

"Ah, the Doctor taught me that! And, you’re more than welcome", she promptly replies with a joking air. "The Doctor… who?", Elaine presses bewilderedly. Susan points her finger at her, "That's the one!", she confirms, winking at her friend. Confused, Barrish doesn't immediately take the hint."Ah, that Doctor!" she brightens up after a while, "Well… you got me beat! Even at unearthing unlikely words from TV shows!"


	7. When Bitches Strive (in their tasks)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I told you it was a bad idea to bring that reporter with you"  
> "You know what? You’d better get used to her, 'cause I really think you're going to be seeing Susan a lot from now on!"

**Seven: When Bitches Strive (in their tasks)**

"I'm going to be very busy the next few days, it's going to be a massacre...", Elaine says as the car pulls up in front of Susan's sister's house, "You know what I mean...", "I wouldn't want to be in your shoes! ", the reporter replies with a grimace, "But you'll do just fine, I know it!", she encourages her with a couple of slaps on the knee and widening a big smile for her benefit.

"You'll be out looking at houses?", the politician asks with interest, "Yeah! Most of the time!", the young woman confirms. "But as soon as I get settled, come to dinner! Massacre or no massacre! Okay?", she proposes seeing her showing her teeth in an open smile. The driver gets out to unload the suitcase from the trunk and Susan grabs the door handle.

"Thank you for asking me to join you. I... appreciate it very much", she tells her with serious indecision whether to offer her her hand or not."Thank you for joining me, thank you for not being a reporter, that's what I really appreciated. You've been supportive, and it's been a good experience, getting to know you better...", the woman confesses to her, "...in spite of the circumstances!", she hastens to add."See you soon, then!" she concludes, leaning over and touching her cheek to Susan's, thus removing her from the burden of deciding how to act.

She watches her approach the illuminated house, while she sees a little girl come out onto the porch and running towards her, jumping in her arms. The journalist lets go of her luggage to welcome the little girl into her hug.

A smile spreads across her face, then the child points a finger in her direction and Susan turns around, the car driving off as the two of them wave at her.

After almost a minute, Elaine noticed that she still hadn't stopped smiling as she noticed Clark glancing at her from the rearview mirror from time to time. Normally, when they're alone she sits next to him, but she was so engrossed in enjoying that tender scene that she didn't think to move before driving off again.

———————————————————

"Come on little shit, go help your mother with that suitcase, stop feeling sorry for yourself and grow a pair", Margaret Barrish urges him, masking her affection with her usual exuberant manner.

The 30-year-old gets up from the couch with a bored face, desperately needing a strip, but there isn't even a drop of alcohol left in that house after his grandmother decided to quit for his sake, let alone cocaine.

"Hi sweetie!", his mother smiles, hugging him tightly, taking his face in her hands and studying him carefully with a happy expression. "How's rehab going?"

"Our little bugger is trying hard, dear…", the elderly woman interjects, "...me too. Just saying!", she adds in a low voice as she sets the table for dinner.

"Did Doug call?", Elaine asks slumping down on the couch and closing her eyes. "He and Anne landed a few hours ago in Singapore, I told him not to worry about what's going on here and enjoy their honeymoon", the matriarch answers quickly. "Bud says everyone in the House is in a tizzy, that's a big deal!", she states then. Elaine decides not to comment, first because she can't reveal anything in her knowledge, and second because she's too tired to open her mouth.

"Jesus, hon you look like shit!", she says studying her daughter thoughtfully. "Thanks, Mom", Barrish replies quietly."I told you it was a bad idea to bring that reporter with you", "Mom!", the politician admonishes her, electrocuting her on the spot."What?", the other one blurts out impatiently.

"You know what? You’d better get used to her, 'cause I really think you're going to be seeing Susan a lot from now on!", she advises as she gets up and leaves the great room.

"I like her…", T.J. ventures with a smile. "Ah, yours is just a sympathy by... sexual orientation!", the grandmother dismisses him. "A what?", TJ turns trying to understand. 

"You only like her because she's a lesbian!", Grandma clarifies. "Is that true, Mom?", he shouts to his mother who is walking away. "What?", she questions as she pulls off her earrings.

"Is Susan Berg gay?", "Who says she is? Your grandmother?", she asks without flinching, "Ah well... then...", she comments shortly after, before disappearing back across the hallway, a smile plastered on her face at the recent memory of Susan and the hours spent pleasantly in her company.

———————————————————

Barrish greets and thanks the three Secret Service men with whom she has spoken over the past four hours. Garcetti himself, from his bed at the White House, sent them to her pointing to her as the only trusted person within the current administration. She has been told that all administrative positions will remain in place for the entire period of the investigation. As far as the rest of the world knows, Air Force One tragically crashed due to unknown causes but a malicious act could be ruled out.

As far as Paul Garcetti, Elaine Barrish and the men handling the investigation know, it is now certain that a drone from an enemy country is involved. A team of computer technicians, ballistic experts and experts in other forensic techniques are digging into the deep web and the private lives of the most likely suspects, namely, everyone in the current administration who knows the correct procedure for accessing the codes of Air Force One's defense and concealment system.

It has already been four days since she returned from France, and she has been forced to endure the presence of that creep Collier the whole time, just to 'watch over her administration', Garcetti had told her.

"Elaine, the confrontations we've had recently have made me realize that you are far more rigorous, fair, and capable than I already knew… I couldn't entrust this task to anyone else, I need you to watch over Collier, as you did over me, when I took paths that weren't fair", he had patched her up a few hours before he had returned from Biarritz.

"Mr. President, I'm afraid Collier isn't as reasonable as you are", the woman had looked doubtful, "You were the one who curbed his enthusiasm when he intended to declare himself the new President, bypassing standard procedure, am I right?"

So, there she is, babysitting that thing, as she sits smugly in chair number one in the Oval Office, as if she were the King of the fucking World.

———————————————————

"Ms. Berg, this is Purcell from Potomac Estate, do you have time to see an apartment… let’s say in an hour?", Susan agrees with the agent and finishes cleaning the kitchen of the remnants of her niece's breakfast, before getting ready and rushing out. She doesn't feel like she's done anything but visit houses since she got back, several times finding herself undecided whether or not to call Elaine, but always telling herself that she would surely be busier than she herself was, even in her head, with her political affairs. Now, as she waits for the agent, she decides to text her, rather than phone her, to make sure she doesn't catch her at a difficult time.

«Hey Madam Secretary! Just thinking of you. Hang on, okay? Susan»

———————————————————

For the third night in a row, Elaine Barrish is forced to skip a decent dinner thanks to those two slugs she has as 'schoolboys', good old Freddy and that insulting Barry. They seem to do it on purpose, to overstay their welcome in the Oval Office to pry into matters that are not their responsibility, but those of the Governors of individual States. It's more complicated to rein them in than to have to think of everything by herself.

The only good thing is that by coming home so late she doesn't have to put up with the bickering of grandma and granddaughter. With a house this big, is it even possible that they have to step on each other's toes all the time?

The lobby is shrouded in darkness and silence, she exhales a deep sigh as she listlessly removes her coat."Sweetheart, you need to cut yourself some slack, you know that?", the Secretary gasps caught off guard, then rolls her eyes, gathering the last crumbs of patience she has left for the day.

"What are you doing here, Bud?", she asks in a hasty tone as she lights up a cigarette, "Honey, is this your welcome? I haven't seen you since our son's wedding day!", the former President swaggered back to her as always, as he got up from the couch and walked over to her, wrapped his arm around her waist and placed a kiss on her cheek, lingering voluntarily, with an attitude the woman perceived as vaguely unctuous.

"TJ and I watched the match", he informs her."Bud, the match's been over for at least an hour and a half!", the woman points out in a piqued tone. "Yeah, well, I wanted to see how you're doing... you know... maybe there's something I can do to get you to relax…", he smiles confidently at her with a wink as he strokes her back.

The ex-wife evades contact by feigning politeness, "Bud, how many times do I have to tell you?!". she says with a annoyed look."It's okay, you're too tired."

"Yes Bud I'm too tired! Of you!", she replies exasperated. "I already told you, it was an isolated incident and I was in a vulnerable moment, put your mind at rest! It won't happen again!", she says crushing the cigarette angrily in the ashtray. She pours herself a bit of whiskey turning her back on her former spouse. "You know how much I hate to repeat myself. It’s late. Go home, Bud."

After a few moments she hears the front door closing gently. She hopes the man will quickly realize that he's now out of her love and work life once and for all, even though part of this 'blowback' was her own doing, and she still resents herself for going after him that time. She should have expected it to stick around, especially now that he seemed to decide to 'retire' his most sprightly body part.

But she's not going back, it's over and now she knows it. That thought brings her new friend and ally to mind, she wonders how she's doing in finding her new home for a couple of days already, or, if by chance she's decided to come back to her former boyfriend of hers.

Annoyed, she realizes that it is too late for a phone call tonight and promises herself that she must make time the next day, even if it means interrupting herself in the middle of her government business.

Refusing to check what time it is, she retires to her room and hurries to get ready for bed.

———————————————————

"Auntie, I can't sleep with that light, I'm sleepy!", the little girl complains from the bed above hers. The room is enveloped in a sickening pink glow, given by the computer light reflecting off the colored walls.

"You're right hon, Auntie's almost done,", she replies in a sweet voice as she finishes writing the chapter that tells about the awesome speech given by Elaine Barrish for law school graduation and the ten minutes of applause that followed.

After turning off her laptop, she checks her phone once again, being slightly disappointed that the woman didn't answer. She pushes away the unpleasant feeling and covers herself up to the bottom of her chin.


	8. When Bitches Meet (surprise surprise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It takes me a lot to find you, you know that? Here, for the 'moving'... and to make it up to you for not replying to your text"  
> "Now that's a surprise!"

**Eight: When Bitches Meet (surprise surprise)**

"I totally forgot to check my phone last night!", she apologizes to her driver while offering him a steaming cup of coffee. "I wonder how long it had already been dead!", she wonders aloud.

"Don't worry, Madam Secretary, that's what I'm here for", the man replies politely. The President asked me to inform you that you can take the afternoon off", he informs her. "Ah, thank goodness! Just what I needed!", she exclaims relieved at the news.

She immediately gets the idea to surprise Susan and decides that she will go to the newspaper and ask her to join her for lunch. What could be better than spending a few hours in the company of someone such pleasant, intelligent and fun?

"I want to be out of the House by noon…", she says firmly for the benefit of his subordinate, "...so if you don't see me coming by noon and a minute, make up an excuse and just call me", Clark bursts out laughing with a relaxed manner. "Just be on your cell phone, Mrs. Barrish", he retorts jokingly, spreading his arms wide.

Elaine raises a finger in his direction and grimaces."Touché!", she admits, and walks over to the phone it’s charging on the kitchen counter to turn it on. After a few moments of waiting for the startup to complete, a number appears on the message icon in red, showing that a new text message has arrived.

"Sometimes coincidences…", she thinks, widening a smile, but when she sees the time of the message she turns angry with herself. It's almost twenty-four hours old! - _what a boor can you be, Elaine! -_ she scolds herself.

———————————————————

She can't believe she already has the keys, despite the fact that the house isn't hers yet. She has notified the newspaper that she will take the day off and is now loading the car with the help of her sister.

"I don't understand, why don't you have the appraiser come first for the inspection and then, eventually move all your stuff?", her sister asks panting as she hands her yet another box still sealed since she broke up with Alex.

"Because it's not necessary! Do you think they would have let me in before the sale deed was done if they had anything to hide?", she explains with conviction, omitting the fact that she really can't stand being at her sister's anymore.

"At the very most, I'll wait to empty all these boxes, just for good luck, until the appraiser gives the okay", she reasons, "but it's a matter of a week or so", she assures her enthusiastically. After all, she's been living at her sister's for months with little more than two suitcases and the things she needs to work, she can last another two weeks!

She thinks about calling Elaine and telling her about the news, but flushes the idea out of her mind, remembering that she hasn't heard from her yet, and decides with a hint of sadness to wait a little longer.

———————————————————

Howdy Doody and his sidekick spent most of the morning pretending that they wanted to balance the budgets of the Capital's homeless program in order to avoid dealing with the upcoming service for the thirty-three victims of Air Force One.

They probably resented the fact that the President delegated the Secretary of State for the commendation speech and the presentation of medals to the relatives of the victims.

Elaine tries to concentrate on composing that very speech, barely managing to isolate herself from the quacking of the two… quacks. She already has the structure of her speech in mind, not wanting to rely on something standard.

She realizes she checks her watch a lot, but she can't help herself. She can't wait to get out of there. It's been a while since she's been to 'her' elephants and she thinks it would be a nice idea, given the day, to eat some simple sandwiches there, with Susan Berg.

She managed to get away from the Oval at 11.55, hoping that her two companions would not be able to do anything seriously dangerous for the Nation till the next day.

"They told me she took the day off", the driver informs her, leaning against the window, waiting for new orders."Oh…", Elaine is disappointed, picking up the phone in her hand, undecided what to do.

———————————————————

The house doesn't look very big from the outside, but it is newly built and the materials appear quality. The neighborhood is quiet and surrounded by greenery.

She had to settle for a quick bite to eat in the company of the man driving, because after going by her sister's to find her, it was now too late for lunch.

So they had mutually decided on a quick meal, and before heading to their destination, they made a stop to grab a bottle of wine, to celebrate the move.

It's almost mid-afternoon when they pull up in front of the property. Heartened by the presence of her car in the driveway, Elaine has let Clark off the hook for the rest of the day, confident that her friend can drive her back home later.

———————————————————

Susan rolls her eyes, cursing, "No! Not the nosy neighbors!", she mutters to herself, unsure wether or not to pretend she didn't hear the doorbell. _\- We’re off to a bad start! -_ she thinks, absent-mindedly opening the front door.

"It takes me a lot to find you, you know that?", Barrish jokingly chides handing her the bottle. "Here, for the 'moving'... and to make it up to you for not replying to your text", she says in a soft voice.

"Now that's a surprise!", Susan exclaims still in disbelief, but happy. She moves to the side to let her in and takes the wine from her hands, to place it on the kitchen counter. With their arms finally free they approach to greet each other, exchanging a quick hug.

"I'm sorry I didn't reply to your message...", Elaine tells her, pulling away and looking at her with a smile, "...I'm so caught up in there that when I get home at night I'd forget my head somewhere if I didn't have it attached to my neck! It had completely drained out and I could not tell you since when! I’ve read it this morning and I wanted to surprise you, but you weren't at the newspaper, at your sister's either, I've been running after you since noon!", she explains all at once, bursting out laughing for no apparent reason.

"You're making me feel guilty, and let me tell you, that's not very nice of you!", the reporter admonishes her in a joking tone. "You could have called to find out where I was!", she protests, giving her a gentle slap on the arm.

"Yeah! And what a surprise would that have been then?", the politician replies.

———————————————————

"When will it be?", Susan asks her, as she bites into the last slice of the pizza they had ordered. "In four days", the other one answers her seriously.

After giving her a tour of the house and explaining how she was able to get it so quickly, they spent the afternoon telling each other about the previous days. Without them realizing it, evening came and Susan insisted that she keep her company. They opted for a quick meal and opened the wine.

Now Elaine is asking her what she thinks of her idea for the speech at the funeral service. "I think it will be greatly appreciated… I would appreciate it", she declares seriously. "I wish I could attend, I wish I could hear your speech", she then adds without hesitation.

The Secretary curls the corners of her mouth in a genuine but tired smile, "It's a public function, so you're free to attend…", she declares, realizing that unintentionally she has made a rather sterile statement, "I'd really like to have you there with me... it's going to be a tough talk", she adds taking a last sip of the ruby colored liquid.

Berg notices that the woman is really tired and decides it's time. "Come on, Madam Secretary… I’ll drive you home", she tells her in a caring voice as she stands up and extends a hand to her in a gesture of encouragement.


	9. When Bitches Mourn (nation's heroes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Okay, I admit, I'm still shaken up by your speech, Elaine... Can I have the text of that poem? You know... as material for the book…"  
> "Certainly! I'll make a copy for you, maybe I can hand it to you one of these days?"

**Nine: When Bitches Mourn (nation's heroes)**

Elaine Barrish wanted to meet with the family members of the Air Force One victims in the days immediately before, to get their blessing regarding her speech at the funerals. Collier tried more than once to dissuade her, highlighting the fact that they were not required to have the consent of loved ones, but the Secretary was adamant… or perhaps, just human. Now, as the military in high uniform laid the Flag-covered caskets before the families, she took the floor before the eyes of all present.

She begins with a reflection on the lives honorably lost in times of war and peace, to introduce the poem he has chosen to recite as a salute to these thirty-three heroes.

Susan Berg sits with the other journalists, slightly defiladed, from the rest of the audience.

_"Your hand trembles as you reach for mine,_

_and I know you're beginning to leave me._

_Your cloudy eyes flatter as you look through me,_

_and ask for a drink…"_

The Secretary of State reads the poem in a soft, gentle voice, punctuating the words and giving them perfect intonation at each of them.

_"Your pitiful pack of belongings_

_is placed upon your chest, on lieu of flowers…"_

Susan knows how thoughtful the decision to use this composition was. Just the day before, on the phone, her friend confessed to her that she was a little afraid of giving in to emotion, but she refused to anticipate the text of the work.

_"I close your eyes, and hold them shut,_

_so I can't see The Question"_

This is a poignant poem by a nurse who served in Vietnam. Now she knows. Elaine's voice is so gentle and comforting, that despite the rawness of the words coming out of her mouth, and the gravity of the context, it makes her feel glad that she can witness it. That she can be here, at this very moment.

_"I determin that you leave with everything you brought._

_Except your life"_

For a moment she wonders why the woman standing in front of the lectern, her head bowed and her glasses almost on the tip of her nose, who at this moment holds everyone's silence for the benefit of her words, chose a political career.

_"The doors slam shut._

_The locks click._

_The gears grind._

_The tires rumble down the road._

_The chopper blades tell me you’re on your way home"_

The journalist clearly imagines the sounds described by the harmonious voice as she continues in its cadenced monologue.

_"I hear the hymns sung in your remembrance._

_The choking sobs of your family._

_The shuffle of feet as friends pay their last respects"_

The lump that has taken up residence in her throat since the first few verses becomes more and more painful as she feels tears welling up in her eyes.

_"And the soft flap of cloth,_

_as the Flag is folded and handed to your family._

_These are the final sounds, for those who knew you._

_But for me there is no final sound_

_There will always,_

_always be the echo of your voice,_

_asking me Why?"_

Elaine inhales a deep breath, looks up from the lectern and nods her thanks to the families, before stepping back to stand next to Vice President Collier, who betrays a bored expression.

She turns towards the group of journalists looking for Berg and witches as she hastily wiping away a tear, while looking at her intensely from a distance and it seems to her that she is saying _'I see you, I am proud of you'._

An it’s as if there is no distance between their two souls.

The crowd slowly disperses, Elaine and Collier are surrounded by reporters, pressing for news of President Garcetti's health condition, and while the man smiles viscously for the cameras, she leaves it to the Secretary to repeat what has now been stated for days.

"As you already know, the President has a long recovery ahead of him, he has undergone major leg surgery, but thanks to rehabilitation and his excellent physical fitness, he will be fully recovered within a few months", she announced with her usual professional look, before thanking and taking her leave of the press.

She just wants to say goodbye to Susan Berg, before returning to the White House, and with a quick nod of agreement, she indicates to her in the crowd to approach her car, while assertively proposing to the clown next to her to precede her into the Oval without waiting for her. Strangely enough, the man does not argue and marches proudly towards his car.

"Okay, I admit, I'm still shaken up by your speech, Elaine", Susan confesses with a tugged smile. "Oh…", Barrish is bewildered and doesn't know how to respond. "Can I have the text of that poem? You know... as material for the book…", she justifies herself."Certainly!" the woman replies with a relaxed smile, "I'll make a copy for you, maybe I can hand it to you one of these days?", she questions tensely.

"Yes! Whenever you want. That was really very touching, Elaine… this Country is lucky to have you", she says reverently. "It’s just my job, Susan", she retorts modestly."Um... I'm supposed to have a couple of hours off tomorrow for my lunch break, how about you join me at the zoo?", she proposes masking some enthusiasm.

 _\- What the heck! Just tomorrow? - ,_ Berg curses to herself. "I can't, I'm busy all day with the surveyor, I'm sorry Elaine...", she tells her with dismay, noticing a hint of disappointment in her gaze.

"Maybe the next after tomorrow?", she proposes with a hopeful smile, joined by Elaine’s. "I reckon to be able to free myself, can I give you confirmation tomorrow morning?", the politician asks her.

  
"Sure!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem i partly use in this chapter is part of a longer composition entitled "NO BACKGROUND MUSIC", an adaptation for BBC radio 4 of a stage play by Normi Noel, itself based on poems, letters and conversations with former Vietnam field nurse, Penny Rock.  
> Sigourney Weaver gives voice to this radiodrama.  
> I could not find a text, neither of the entire composition, nor of the poem itself. But i have the audio, and, for who were touched and would like to read it, I made a transcript right below.
> 
> Your hand tremble as you reach for mine,  
> and I know you’re beginning to leave me.  
> Your cloudy eyes flatter as you look through me,  
> and ask for a drink.  
> That is the sound of your final words.  
> Your pale hands and feet grow colder,  
> as you slip into a deepest sleep.  
> Your chest retracts at every breath,  
> like an imploding volcano.  
> Your body suck desperately for air,  
> until the gurgle in your throat gives notice of the coming end.  
> The thump of your heart slows to nothing.  
> Your Adam’s apple thrust forward with a clicking,  
> chocking cough that is the sound of your final breath.  
> Your pitiful bag of belongings is placed upon your chest,  
> in lieu of flowers.  
> I close your eyes, and hold them shut,  
> so I can’t see the question.  
> The slush of water as I bathe you,  
> and the rip of tape as I change your dressings,  
> one last time.  
> And then, the slap of heavy plastic,  
> as I shake open the big black body bag.  
> No matter your size, you look frail and tiny,  
> as I slide you inside.  
> With a final look to check your records with your belongings,  
> with your wristband, your toe-tag.  
> I determin that you leave with everything you brought.  
> Except your life.  
> And now,  
> the loudest sound.  
> The zip of the body bag,  
> as I shut you in your final cloak.  
> But the zipper is not the final sound.  
> There are the squeaking weals of the gourney.  
> The clash of the metal against metal,  
> as you are pushed through the big steel doors.  
> The grating wood of the litter,  
> as it’s placed with a thud on the truck.  
> The doors slam shut.  
> The locks click.  
> The gears grind.  
> The tires rumble down the road.  
> The chopper blades tell me you’re on your way home.  
> The sounds are relentless,  
> halfway around the world.  
> I hear the hymns sung in your remembrance.  
> The choking sobs of your family.  
> The shuffle of feet as friends pay their last respects.  
> The scrape of your coffin against dirt,  
> as you’re lowered into your grave.  
> And the soft flap of cloth,  
> as the Flag is folded and handed to your family.  
> These are the final sounds,  
> for those who knew you.  
> But for me there is no final sound.  
> There will always,  
> always be the echo of your voice,  
> asking me,  
> Why?


	10. Ten: When Bitches Care (what friends do)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm so sorry, Elaine, I'll drive you"  
> "That's not necessary… Um… I'll call Clark"  
> "Don't be silly, it's the least I can do, do you want to be there as soon as possible or not?"

**Ten: When Bitches Care (what friends do)**

"Hey Ma!", the boy greets panting and sweating as he re-enters from outside, "Hi Mrs. Hammond!", his sponsor echoes. TJ gives him a glance, "Sorry, Mrs. Barrish!", he quickly corrects himself.

"Good morning guys, would you like some breakfast?", Elaine asks as she grabs the essential from the fridge. "Not right now, mom", her son answers already far away. "I do", Margaret interjects making her entrance in a slurred voice going to sit at the counter not far away.

"Honey, how long do you think you can continue at this pace? We've hardly seen you since you returned from France", her mother scolds her. Elaine rolls her eyes as she whisks eggs into the bowl.

"Mom, I'm just doing my job"

"And Garcetti's", the matriarch points out.

Elaine bites her tongue to force herself not to start an argument, she has a long day ahead of her and the last thing she needs is to start it by arguing with someone.

"It'll pass mom, don't worry"

"Of course I worry, dear! You're starting to get old too! You should start coming to terms with your limitations!", she finally declares.

"Your cuddles are unique, Mom!", blurts out the woman ruefully abandoning the bowl.

"Well?", the elderly exclaims raising her eyebrows.

"Do it yourself, Mom!", she replies marching back to her room.

Half an hour later, she is eating a donut in front of her elephants. There is not a soul around and the peace instantly regenerates her. Watching the elephants in their routines is like being soothed by the sounds of the ocean. The adults are so gentle and protective of their young, she has never had the pleasure of knowing what it's like to have a loving mother. By now, it's been a lifetime since she's suffered through it and has come to terms with this gap. But sometimes she just can't stand it.

———————————————————

Finally, the appraiser puts all his tools away; he has checked the systems, inspected the attic, checked the pipes and boiler. He thanks Susan for the coffee she has offered him, while he fills out the usual paperwork.

And here he is, mid-afternoon, leaving the property that in a few days will officially be hers. Before starting to unpack the boxes, relieved and happy that everything is in order, she calls Purcell to set the date of the property acquisition and immediately sends a message to her friend to tell her the good news.

«Madam Secretary, the house is perfect and it will officially be mine in a few days! Yay! Susan»

She likes to 'travel light' and has never been one to accumulate items over the years. This practicality of hers makes her life easier when it comes to moving from one place to another. The useless objects, those that have a sentimental value and that she jealously guards, can be counted on the fingers of one hand.

By late evening she has found a place for all her belongings, tired and dusty from cartons left unopened for months, she throws herself into the shower. She smiles finding Barrish's response shortly thereafter.

«Now, this is a wonderful news, Miss Berg! And since I won't be able to get away for lunch, how about trying your new kitchen for dinner?»

———————————————————

"A tiny good luck present!", Elaine smiles at her handing her the gift wrap. "Thank you!", Berg mimics her by stepping to the side and letting her pass, "I'm curious...", she adds with a veil of embarrassment tearing off the golden paper wrapping. She's not surprised to find out what's inside, but that gift really does give her a lot of happiness, it almost makes her feel like Elaine considers her part of her family.

"An elephant!", she smiles admiring the silver miniature in her hands. "Yeah, well... you know I have a thing for them", the woman justifies herself by curling the corners of her mouth upwards. "A 'personal' gift is always the best gift you can receive from someone, Elaine, thank you very much," the younger woman tells her sincerely, hugging her naturally for a brief moment. Then she looks around to decide where to place it and has no doubts spotting the perfect location.

She approaches her organized desk, where on one side rests a stack of papers and on the other a small printer, an elegant pen holder in one corner and the laptop right in the middle. "It's perfect here, it will always remind me of what the past was and what the present is today", she proclaims as she gently places the item on the surface. Elaine is pleased and smug at that respectful gesture, "So... what are you making?", she recoils shortly after, following her to the kitchen counter.

———————————————————

"TJ was impossible! He always wanted to bake when he was little, I couldn't let him out of my sight for a second that I would find him covered in flour, eggs, he was such a mess!", he tells her smiling in front of their dinner. "Just think, one time I was so exasperated that I picked him up and threw him in the bathtub fully clothed!", she continues bursting out laughing followed closely by Susan with her own distinctive laugh. Every time she hears her laugh it makes her want to hear her laugh again.

"And he laughed!", she continues spreading her arms wide with an offended expression. "He laughed! That… little shit, as my mother calls him!", Susan smugly observes wiping away two huge tears that have escaped her control and thinking that despite the day, this is priceless.

"Tough day?", the young woman asks as she watches her sit wearily on the couch, pours a half dose of liquor into two glasses and goes to sit next to her, handing her one. "You can say that!", the woman confirms huffing, "Started off bad even before leaving my house! ", she blurts out.

"My mother doesn't have such a clear idea on how to encourage her children, she never has...", she explains watching her interlocutor nod, "Yeah... not that she's wrong...", she hastens to admit, "I really could use a break, but it's a luxury I can't afford at the moment... but it certainly doesn't make things easier for me, by breathing down my neck and reminding me of something I already know very well on my own!", she concludes in an irritated tone.

"I'm sorry, Elaine, you should have told me, we would have postponed dinner," Susan tells her in a sympathetic tone, seeing her hastily shake her head, "Oh no! Instead you don't know how much I needed to disconnect from the rest for a while, believe me, it was a great way to breathe…", she assures her. "It's hard to remember to be yourself when you're constantly tossed around by other people's expectations, sometimes it feels overwhelming…", Berg says after observing her for a long time.

The Secretary turns in her direction with a surprised look, tilts her head to one side in contemplation, "Sounds like you know something about it too…", she remarks softening the tone of her voice. "Yeah, well... my mother was never very... how should I put it... nurturing either", she admits as she watches the other nod thoughtfully. "But you know what? I learned to do without her a long time ago, and as you can see, I'm still here, I learned to rely only on myself, she taught me not to compromise, and I think that's more good than bad", she concludes firmly.

"Well… you know what?", Susan adds after some moments debating herself if to say it or not, "When you feel you need a break, please, come. You’d be welcome and I won’t bother you, promise", she states smiling openly.

She watches as Elaine looks at her astonished, and immediately regrets her offer. She smiles awkwardly, averting her gaze.

Elaine senses the distress, and she realizes she didn’t answered yet. She hastens putting her hand on Susan’s, smiling fondly. "It’s okay, thank you, it’s very kind of you, Susan, and I will"

The moment is interrupted by an insistent sound that Susan does not recognize; it is Elaine's phone, and she hurries to her purse in search of the device. She watches her features change into an indecipherable grimace as she inhales deeply and brings the phone to her ear. "Where are you? ... I'll be right there", she announces after listening to the mysterious interlocutor through the ether.

She casts a serious look at her, "Um… my dear friend's partner just passed away… I… I have to go… I'm sorry", she announces bewildered. "I'm so sorry, Elaine, I'll drive you", Berg marches to the front door to get her own coat. "That's not necessary…", the politician replies more out of kindness than anything else, "Um… I'll call Clark", she continues indecisively looking absentmindedly at the still lit display, "Don't be silly, it's the least I can do, do you want to be there as soon as possible or not?", Susan adjusts her coat and helps her put hers on.

"It's Judge Nash, isn't it?", she asks with her gaze glued to the road, she senses the older stiffen, "Elaine, it's not news, relax", she reassures her without the slightest sign of being offended by her friend's attitude. "Sorry…", Barrish whispers, aware of her own overreaction. "She was sick for a long time…", she says in a choked voice, the young woman squeezing her hand affectionately.

"I'm really sorry, Elaine", she tells her as she pulls up in front of the clinic's main entrance. "Thank you for the ride…", she says gratefully. Susan wraps her in a supportive hug, "You’re welcome… just stand by your friend now", she encourages her with a smile. She watches as Clark, who has joined them at their destination, gently opens the door and escorts the Secretary of State into the building and only when the woman disappears from her sight does she start the car and drive away.


	11. When Bitches Nurse (friend in need)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well, I'm glad to hear that, Elaine, I just hope this doesn't come back to bite you… I remember very well the nasty things she wrote about you…"  
> "You say and think a lot of things until you know firsthand what you're talking about. I had a very bad opinion of her too, and yet..."

**Eleven: When Bitches Nurse (friend in need)**

The elevator doors open and Elaine spots her immediately; she is sitting, hunched over, on a small sofa about ten steps away from her, right in front of Corinne's room. She stares into space, dumbfounded and absent from the movements around her. Two nurses silently come out, carrying the white sheets where the woman had passed away only a short time before. Barrish takes a deep breath and reaches for her mentor, sits down next to her, gently resting a hand on her shoulders.

"Thank you for coming so quickly", the elderly woman tells her in a flat tone. Elaine doesn't respond, she rubs her back in a comforting gesture and takes her hands in her own. She draws her to herself, silently, seeming as fragile to her as ever before. "You know… in a way it's a relief…", Nash admits shamelessly, "She was never afraid of death, her fear was… ending up like this… without me or her or anyone else being able to do anything about it..."

———————————————————

It was a long night, at the clinic, Corinne was bathed and dressed in the dress the couple had chosen the year before, before dementia took over. She now rests three floors below in her finely carved and polished coffin, still open, awaiting the funeral to be held later in the evening. Elaine has taken care to decline the priest's offer and keep him away from the grieving woman. It won't be a Catholic funeral, she wonders shocked how it could have occurred to the religious man to even propose such a thing.

The politician silently approaches Diane, "Come on, I'll take you home", she tells her, helping her up and taking her under her arm. The woman doesn't protest and lets her protégé take care of her. The driver waits for her, professional as usual, makes the two women sit in the back and quietly starts driving. The elderly woman looks absent-mindedly at the city that slips by her eyes, while Barrish watches over her with an attentive and caring gaze. She thinks of the naturalness with which Susan immediately offered her support and feels like thanking her and letting her know something.

«Susan, I really appreciated your presence last night, it was a rough night, but I wanted to say once again, thank you. Elaine»

After not even a minute, the cell phone vibrates in her hands.

«I didn't do anything special, I just did the basics. And by the way, you are always welcome. Stay by you friend’s side, and rest when you can. Hugs, Susan»

_-Hugs-_

After asking Clark to go home and get her an outfit for the funeral, she escorts Diane Nash into the house and forces her to lie down for a few hours. She calls her mother and asks her to prepare the necessary items for the driver to pick up, and then lies down next to the woman after lovingly covering her.

———————————————————

The clinic made arrangements for the short service, according to arrangements made earlier with the couple, some of the most devoted nurses joined the small group of relatives and acquaintances. Elaine stayed by Diane's side the entire time, as if she were her guardian angel.

"Elaine, go home now, you need to rest and get back to work", the judge orders her after they return from the funeral service. "Now don't worry about that, Diane, they can do without me in the Oval, at least for today", she reassures by sitting down next to her and offering her a cup of tea. "Elaine, I'm serious, I don't need a babysitter…", the elderly woman jokes sadly, "I was prepared for all this, but thank you", Barrish peers at her thoughtfully, "Let me cook something for dinner, at least", she retorts raising one hand when the other is about to protest. "I insist", she says firmly.

———————————————————

"Well… I won't deny that it was a stormy relationship at first, but it wasn't just because of her. I had already decided that I couldn't trust her by denying my intention to run again. Doug had told her everything, she could have passed the news along anyway, but she held her back. We both made our mistakes, then when it came to the incident… well… I found I had a sincere and selfless ally, and i like it", she tells her as they eat unwillingly.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that, Elaine, I just hope this doesn't come back to bite you… I remember very well the nasty things she wrote about you…", Nash calmly points out. "You say and think a lot of things until you know firsthand what you're talking about", the politician replies, "I had a very bad opinion of her too, and yet..."

"What do you think about her right now?", her mentor asks her. Elaine takes a deep breath, mentally questioning herself. "I think that years and experiences shape us all the time, and that it is often through unpleasant experiences that we understand the value of people", she says.

"I think she looked up to me all the time, and she never got over the fact that I underestimated myself next to Bud. All of her articles were in a way a way of ... tell me to wake up… it was kind of a letdown for her, she thought I was living in Bud's shadow.... and in a way it has been true for many years. She would provoke me so that I would react. We learned to respect and trust each other as we got to know each other better. I think she realized that I really am what she imagined me to be, despite the years of marriage, and decided to respect me, in spite of all the disappointing conclusions she had previously come to. It was a pleasant discovery for me as well, realizing how pleasant and stimulating her company can be"

"It takes a certain degree of humility and intelligence to be able to revise one's opinions when necessary," the elder states in a thoughtful tone. "Exactly, that's the point, Diane," Barrish confirms her with a smile.

"Diane…", the woman hesitates after a long moment, "I can find you a valuable replacement if you want, but I'd like you to consider staying a few more months", she tells her, thinking about the investigation into the attack to the president. "Elaine, I know exactly what you're asking me and I understand that you can't talk about it, I'm tired, I won't deny it, I just hope it's done soon. It would be a good starting point to have a collaborator to work alongside me for a few months before I let him or her take over", the judge suggests.


	12. When Bitches Talk (too much)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can I ask you a question? Um... is it true what my grandmother says about you?"  
> "Well… let's see… she says I'm a bitch, a lesbian, and that I'm a hell of a hummer lady... which one of these?"

**Twelve: When Bitches Talk (too much)**

"Mr. President, glad to see you up and about at last!", Barrish begins in a joking tone in Garcetti's presence. The man has gotten rid of the bulky casts on his legs. He underwent another major surgery a few days earlier, in which his lower limbs were freed from the rigid restraint, replaced with external cast to allow a minimum of movement to facilitate rehabilitation. The titanium rings, placed at regular intervals, that wrap around the politician's legs, and secured with multiple pins screwed directly into the bones, are nevertheless cumbersome, and the man casts a dirty look at his subordinate, while with his forehead beaded with sweat, he takes one last step clinging to the supports, before the physical therapist helps him rest in the wheelchair.

"Elaine, is your son Doug back yet?", he asks in a friendly tone. "He's on his way back", the woman replies courteously. "Mr. President, have you considered Judge Nash's request?", she asks watching him nod promptly, "I have made a list of five names...", he replies opening a drawer from his desk, pulling out a sheet of paper, placing it on the surface in front of him and sliding it in front of his interlocutor, at the same time inviting her to sit down. "Your opinion is very important to me, Elaine, so I would like it to be a decision for both of us", Barrish nods smugly. "Just pray your friend doesn't abandon us right now, we're close, Elaine, and we need her experience and her morals, more than ever right now", the Secretary nods examining the sheet with the candidates Garcetti proposes, "She's not going to leave out of the blue, especially since keeping busy helps her right now", she explains to him thinking about the last three weeks.

Having been a death long announced, the elderly woman was already abundantly prepared for the eventuality, as much as one can be in the face of loss, and resumed her rhythms more positively than her pupil had expected. But she is still an old woman, and several times in recent months she has expressed some enthusiasm at the thought of no longer having to set her alarm clock in the morning.

———————————————————

"Douglas and Anne are returning tomorrow night from Spain. Thomas is all about throwing a party in their honor, his sponsor is really encouraging him…", the politician tells Susan, as they dine in the quiet of her new kitchen. It's becoming a habit, meeting up a couple of times a week for a chat, or dinner, when they can find enough time.

Susan has always been a loner, she attributes this to growing up being able to rely only on her own strength. Being comfortable in solitude allows her to choose if and when she enjoys the company of others. You might think she struggles with socializing, but it's quite the opposite, when the company is pleasant, Berg is just as comfortable as when she is happily immersed in her solitude. In addition, she loves to cook and, as she has joked several times with the woman, periodically needs a guinea pig willing to risk her palate for her.

Elaine, on the other hand, has never really been alone, she has always been surrounded by someone in the family. First it was just her mother, then Bud came along and the children followed, she has no idea what it's like to 'be alone', but being in the company of a 'non-member' of the family, especially someone as independent as her friend, gives her an idea of what it can be like. At the reporter's house it's quiet, there's no constant babbling from her mother, no bickering between Doug and TJ, no rooms and hallways to walk through to get to her own personal space. Everything is cozy here and even though the space isn't hers, she feels as comfortable as if it were. Coming here and spending a few hours in Susan's company is a bit like a breath of fresh air, like going to her elephants, like sitting on the beach in front of the ocean.

"...Anyway, he specifically asked me to let you know that you're invited too!", she adds leaning in her direction as she shoves a forkful of food into her mouth.

The girl tilts her head to the side, surprised, "Really? That's so cute! I'll gladly accept!", she confirms with a big smile.

———————————————————

"What are you doing here?", Douglas asks her in a heated tone.

"Don't worry, Doug, I'm certainly not here to ruin your party, in fact, I offer my sincere congratulations", the reporter replies slightly amused.

"Was that really necessary?" the guy insists between his teeth. Susan exhales heavily.

"What's your problem, may I ask?", she asks impatiently, "Your brother was kind enough to invite me, your mother is pleased I'm here! Even your grandmother welcomed me more friendly than ever! I felt like we had cleared the air!", she concludes.

"Yeah! But it's not like my grandmother slept with you!", the young man replies sourly. Susan can't hold back a laugh, knowing Margaret's general opinion of her.

"Just relax Doug! I'm not here for you!", she dismisses him, automatically thinking of Elaine.

While sipping a glass of champagne, she carefully observes her friend's body language as she interacts with her ex-husband. She is pleasantly surprised to find that she has a completely different demeanor than the one she had witnessed months earlier during the engagement party. On that occasion she had been disturbed by what she had seen.

_"I'd say she was still in love with him", she had told Alex that night, "The way she dressed up, kept avoiding his gaze, I mean, honestly, it was like she was a nervous schoolgirl around him!", she had added shocked. "They were married for over 30 years. Is it that surprising she still has feelings for him?", the man had replied to her. "It's not surprising, it's just sad!", she had replied. "When Elaine Barrish graduated law school, she gave the valedictorian address and got a standing ovation for ten minutes. I mean, ten minutes, can you imagine that? What happened to that girl?"_

Now there's no longer that spark in her gaze, all she can see is affection for all the years they've spent together, but there's no trace of melancholy when she looks at him, no looking for something lost. Susan is genuinely happy for her.

"Hey! Are you having fun?", TJ asks leaning with his elbow on the counter nearby. "TJ! You look good!", "Well finally it looks like this rehab program is working", he smiles at her raising his glass. "Orange juice and tonic", he points out. "Thanks for inviting me TJ, that was very nice of you!", the reporter adds.

"I mean… I haven't been at all… no, I've been such a bitch, to you, I don't think I deserve it", she admits honestly. "It's okay… really. Besides, why wouldn't I have invited you? Mom is happier since you guys stopped bitching", he jokes smilingly. Susan bursts into one of her choked up laughs to mask some pride at hearing those words. She senses the boy turn to her to observe her better.

"Can I ask you a question?", he finally asks her impatiently. The reporter turns to give him her attention, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. "Um... is it true what my grandmother says about you?", TJ asks her with amusement. Put off, Susan decides to respond in a joking tone.

"Well… let's see… she says I'm a bitch, a lesbian, and that I'm a hell of a hummer lady... which one of these?", she smiles, amused by her interlocutor's shocked expression, "She was pretty nice tonight though…", she adds, enjoying the silence she herself provoked.

Across the great room, Elaine has just returned Bud Hammond to his rightful owner. She spots her oldest son talking friendly with the reporter and decides to join them. As she walks across the large room she realizes that Susan must have said something that left TJ speechless, and a curious smile escapes her face.

"Okay…", Berg finally decides to get the young man off the hook, "Well... that I'm a bitch is now common knowledge, but I've mellowed out lately, thanks to your mom, partially, no, much more than partially, definitely. I've never liked labels, to be honest, however I can safely tell you that I've had a couple of relationships with women, although the last person I partnered with was a man, so..."

"And all this time you never told me?", the politician interrupts her, joking about what she just heard. The two turn their heads in surprise at the intrusion. After a second of indecision, Susan played along, "Oh God, thank goodness you came to my rescue, I was really ashamed to answer the third question! And anyway, well you never asked me!", she retorts in a joking tone. Elaine fakes a reproachful expression turning to her son, "TJ!", she admonishes him. Finally the son recovers by raising his arms. "What did I do?", the two women give each other a knowing look before bursting out laughing.

"You sure know how to put your kids in their place!", Susan chuckles as she sits with Elaine on the porch. "God! He' s just like his grandmother when it comes to meddling in other people's business!", Barrish jokes as she lights a cigarette. "Did he make you uncomfortable?", she asks, regaining seriousness. "No way! I'm the one who made him uncomfortable!", she replies winking at her and stealing the cigarette from her fingers. "Not for women, of course, I think it's for the other thing your mom thinks of me…", she says thinking back to the last point listed to TJ. Elaine waits curiously, "Nah, forget it!", Susan gestures to chase away the memory of that ridiculous conversation. "Oh no, you started it! Now finish it!", the other prods her by taking back her cigarette, "You think I don't know how… bitchy my mom can be? Where do you think I get it from?!", she asks bursting out laughing once again followed by her friend.


	13. When Bitches Tire (in their duties)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Paul! Come on! You wouldn't believe…"  
> "Only the sitting President has the power to appoint the new Supreme Court Justice… sure, it would still have to be approved by the Senate… "

**Thirteen: When Bitches Tire (in their duties)**

Paul Garcetti did not rest well at all tonight, and the cause of his restlessness is not his bad legs. The pain is still bad, but he's adjusting to the armor that are the external cast and it's not long before they're removed. The worst is yet to come, when he will have to learn to walk again. He's lost almost all muscle mass and it's going to be painful and tiring… and incredibly long.

Think of the meeting he had a few hours ago with Secret Service officials, who have been investigating for months, full-circle, to frame those responsible for his attack. First of all, the fact that they tend to call it 'his attack' disturbs him not a little. Thirty-three people died that day trying to protect and save him. It was a massacre, other than an assault on his person, successful or not.

"Elaine Barrish?", Garcetti was furious the night before. "Mr. President, we had a duty to check everyone, no one excluded!", the investigating officer had justified himself. "But we discarded it right away, as did most of the other members of the administration!", the man had pointed out. "It's perfectly natural!", the most powerful man in the world had replied, still in disbelief.

The Secret Service agent finally explained the course of the investigation, explaining that they had been working on two fronts, which had ended up meeting in the middle.

On the one hand, the forensic team had been busy analyzing the fragments found at the crash site and had come to the conclusion that the presidential plane had been attacked by a drone. At least two 'hellfire' missiles had been launched against the aircraft. The analysis of some electrical portions of the ballistic devices had shown a certain origin, they were US-made weapons. The weapons in question had been sold years before to Pakistan.

On the other hand, the team of computer technicians had first checked the accesses to the security system of Air Force One, identifying the exact moment in which the defenses of the plane had been deactivated, directly with the codes currently in use. By ruling out the use of 'brute force' to gain access, all figures not in possession of these codes were automatically excluded. Only three names remained, including the President.

The third phase involved an in-depth analysis of the Internet traffic, it was the most challenging and long work, but in the end, one of the two suspects was definitely excluded. Although the evidence collected was sufficient, a blitz by NATO forces in the Middle East was also conducted. It had not been difficult to identify the material executors of the attack, who were already growing in fame among the various active terrorist groups, although the mission had not been perfect, it had nevertheless inflicted a hard blow on the States.

Although they had not been able to produce a name, they had provided a valid motive. They had been promised to lighten the sentences of a number of compatriots convicted on American soil for terrorist conspiracies. They had been more than happy to ridicule the United States, claiming it had such a powerful traitor directly inside.

———————————————————

"Paul! Come on! You wouldn't believe…"

"Only the sitting President has the power to appoint the new Supreme Court Justice… sure, it would still have to be approved by the Senate… but you know as well as I do that it's details! That's why you were in such a hurry to self-appoint yourself to the position! If it hadn't been for Elaine Barrish putting you back in place...", Garcetti interrupts him in a stiff tone. Fred Collier opens his mouth, but is unable to articulate any sound as the Secret Service takes him away from the Oval with some discretion.

His suspicions had turned out to be right, but who knows why, this thought gives him no relief. It's time to call together all the staff members and get ready for a damn tough press conference. But first he wants to talk privately with Barrish.

———————————————————

Elaine tosses her cell phone on the couch, slightly put out by Garcetti's request. He first tells her to take the morning off, then he calls her back in the middle of the morning ordering her to get to the House as soon as possible and clear her schedule for the rest of the day, because they'll have to work late. She sighs in surrender and goes to get ready as fast as she can. As the driver drives to the President's residence, she pulls out her cell phone and dials Susan's number. When it goes to voicemail she remembers the scheduled meeting at the newspaper and hangs up unnerved.

«Hey Sue, I can't tonight, Garcetti hooked me up with something and I have no idea when I'll be free! But if you forgive me, next time I'll bring you the best ice cream in DC! Kisses!»

She rereads the message moved by a sense of tenderness, which makes her smile. Clark notices the change in mood and the corners of his fleshy mouth curl upward.

———————————————————

The Secretary of State slumps down on one of the two couches in the Oval, shocked but not surprised by what her boss has just finished telling her. She now understands why there was such urgency and why Garcetti kept all the other Cabinet members away from the Oval this morning.

"Before I seat the others, I wanted to thank you privately for the support you've given me since the first moment of this crisis, Elaine…", the woman nods, still shaken by the news she's just acquired. "And I can finally remind you that you still owe me an answer...", he tells her in a gentle tone, making an effort to smile for her benefit, in spite of the atmosphere. Barrish looks up at him, confused and mute.

"We haven't talked about it anymore, Elaine, but my offer still stands, I'm not going to withdraw because of.... this…", the man says, pointing to the lower part of her body, "And you'restill my first choice, now more than ever", he concludes, scrutinizing her impatiently. "We'll talk soon, Mr. President, thank you for your trust", she replies with a tugged smile.

———————————————————

Susan enters the elevator and presses the button for the first basement floor, she absentmindedly rummages through her purse looking for her car keys and her hand finds her cell phone instead, she pulls it out thinking to warn her friend that she will be home soon and that she can reach her earlier if she wants. She smiles openly as she finds a new message to read, but her expression of joy gradually fades as she reads its contents. She reads the last sentence a second time, moved by a sense of tenderness, thinking of Elaine's thoughtfulness.

«Come on don't worry about it! I'm sorry there were some roadblocks, and I'm sorry to hear you're going to have a rough day, rest up when you get out of there! We will see you soon, with or without the best ice cream in DC! Feel free to take that as a threat! Kisses!»


	14. When Bitches Rest (on a couch)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was at Susan's, Mom, we fell asleep. I'm in a hurry, they're waiting for me at the Oval"  
> "Why did you sleep at Susan's? You never slept at Susan's!"  
> "I did wrong, Ma! Every now and then I need to distance myself from this madhouse!"

**Fourteen: When Bitches Rest (on a couch)**

Susan Berg sips her hot herbal tea, rereading the poem about Vietnam that her friend brought her some time ago. She still seems to hear her reciting the verses, reading it, just as when she was bent over the lectern that day. The emotions she feels are the same as then, only more intense, she realizes, smiling at the thought of Elaine. The sound of the woman's voice, in her head, comforts her, relaxes her, simply makes her feel better.

She closes her eyes, resting the back of her head on the edge of the sofa back and lets Elaine repeat the composition to her once more, in her soothing, melodious voice that she now knows so well.

A sudden sound startles her and as she recovers from her trance she realizes that she has poured some of the now warm drink into her lap, wetting her pajamas. The sound is repeated, gentle. There is someone at the door, Susan checks the time on the wall clock, it's almost midnight. She gets up, feeling the wet part of the fabric, approaches the door and checks through the peephole. She hurries to open it, shivering from the cold.

"It's late, I know, sorry", Barrish raises her hands moving a step inside the apartment. "What happened?", the reporter asks without the slightest reference to the late hour, guessing that the woman must have just left the House. Her face is tired and tense. "Have you eaten?", she asks her instinctively. The other shakes her head, more to shut her up than to answer her, "I'll give you a news preview, but you can't get it out until the press conference tomorrow"

"Okay!", Susan replies promptly, "Come on, I'll make you something warm to eat", she tells her laying a hand on her lower back and guiding her to the kitchen counter.

Elaine sits on one of the stools and watches her gratefully as she makes her herbal tea and a hot cheese sandwich. She sighs, trying to shake off hours of briefing to agree on what to say and not say to the press the next day. She wants to have the other's full attention, so she waits patiently for her to take care of her.

When they finally move to the couch, Elaine feels ready. "Fred Collier was arrested by the Secret Service this morning, for Biarritz", she begins in a serious tone, avoiding the long list of crimes with which he will be charged. "Are you serious?", her friend asks incredulously. "Yeah!", she leans towards her interlocutor.

"There won't be many details we'll divulge just yet. The official version, for the moment, is that the Secret Service has traced him back after months of close investigation and that there will be a directorial hearing soon", she informs her. "We won't be answering any questions during the press conference", Berg nods readily, not insisting.

Elaine leans back, resting her fatigued back, rubbing her face with one hand. On the coffee table in front of her is the paper she printed for her shortly after the state funeral of the Air Force One crew. A smile escapes her face and she decides she doesn't feel like keeping what she learned that day to herself, she knows her friend is now just a friend, a dear friend, not a journalist.

"What I do know, and can't be divulged yet, is that he had contacted some terrorist group in the Middle East, to whom he provided the codes to remotely disable the plane's security devices so that it could be attacked by a drone. In return he promised them to soften the penalties for terrorists detained on American land...", Susan listens to her carefully, silently, mimicking her posture in a relaxed manner.

"Obviously, the President of the United States has no power over laws, but he does have appointment power over Supreme Court justices, and even though it's a lifetime appointment, we know how much Diane paws at the thought that she might retire anytime soon," she continues in detail.

"She would appoint a new judge of her own choosing...," she concludes, handing the now empty cup to her friend as she closes her eyes, exhausted.

The journalist does not feel like washing the last dishes and carelessly leaves them in the sink, returning to the sofa she has the doubt that the woman has fallen asleep, she watches her for a long time, the regular movements of her chest that rises and falls. She heads to her own room and grabs a pillow and two blankets from the closet, and though she's sure her friend will protest, she's not willing to argue.

She silently lays the cushion to one side of the couch, gently slipping her shoes off and brushing her arm, she barely squints an eye. "Come on... Lie down, you need to rest", she whispers, gently guiding her into a horizontal position. For a moment Barrish thinks she should get up and go home, but she's too tired and her friend's care seems like something she can't do without, so she goes along with it by closing her eyes and resting on her side while she's thoughtfully covered.

Susan is pleased and surprised that she didn't object. She smoothes the blankets over her. "Night", she whispers, but Elaine is already asleep.

———————————————————

After a few moments of indecision, Susan realizes that she has to get up and wake her friend, she will have to go home and change before she can start her day and she doesn't want her to be late. Looking out into the living room with the irrational fear that in the course of the night she will be gone, she is relieved to see her still resting with a serene expression. She decides to give her another five minutes while she makes coffee as quietly as she can.

With the steaming cup she sits on the low table undecided. The aroma of the brew does the trick and the woman makes a few movements before opening her eyes, confused, she pulls herself up to sit, looking down at her wrinkled dress.

"Good morning", she mumbles, trying to smooth out the creases on her blouse.

"Good morning to you!", the Berg replies, handing her the cup. "Thank you", whispers the other gratefully. "Breakfast is almost ready", the young woman announces as she returns to the kitchen and sets to work efficiently.

"I put clean towels and a new toothbrush on the bathroom cabinet for you", she warns her as she pours the eggs into the pan. "Then I'll drive you home so you can change before you go to work", she reassures her as he spots the woman approaching.

"You really thought of everything, huh?", the politician jokes in a raspy voice. "Well, if I had known you were planning on crashing on my couch, I would have gotten your cereals and most importantly, pajamas in that size of yours!", she replies to her promptly with a foul tongue. "Ha ha, funny!", Elaine retorts stealing a slice of toasted bacon from the pan, she can't avoid the slap that hits her on the back of the hand and bursts out laughing, followed closely by her friend.

Despite having slept little and on a couch, which certainly isn't as comfortable as her bed, the Secretary feels surprisingly rejuvenated. And she really needed a decent breakfast. She looks absentmindedly at the road ahead as the Berg drives in silence. "The press conference is set for ten o’clock", the politician reminds her as they turn one last time before pulling over.

"Thank you Sue, you’re a good caretaker, you know?", she tells her as she places a hasty kiss on her cheek.

"Don't thank me, mi casa es tu casa!", Susan retorts with a smile, hoping not to blush.

———————————————————

"Where the heck have you been?", her mother storms her upon seeing her walk in. Elaine doesn't feel like arguing, "At work, Mom", she cuts in. "All night?", the elderly woman asks looking at the wrinkles on her dress. "Thank goodness no!", she replies distractedly. "So what? Where have you been?", the matriarch insists laying her hands on her hips. "I've been walking! I didn't feel like driving!", she improvises in amusement as she makes her way to her own room. She looks up sensing her mother's footsteps behind hers.

"I was at Susan's, Mom, we fell asleep. I'm in a hurry, they're waiting for me at the Oval", she dismisses her by locking herself in the bathroom. "Why did you sleep at Susan's? You never slept at Susan's!", continues Mama Barrish spreading her arms in confusion.

"I did wrong, Ma! Every now and then I need to distance myself from this madhouse!", she shouts from inside the bathroom, while smilingly turning on the shower tap. The mother finally walks away looking confused shaking her head.


	15. When Bitches Feel (deeper)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In an hour! At your elephants"  
> "Hey! Look, I said I changed my mind!"  
> "Yeah, I heard you! See you later!"

**Fifteen: When Bitches Feel (deeper)**

"You've changed!", Susan whispers to her playfully right after the press conference. Elaine's eyes squint into two playfully threatening slits, "How long do you think you're going to tease me?", she replies promptly, forcing her to clench her jaws to keep from bursting out laughing.

"Well, and I was going to buy you that famous ice cream for lunch, I guess I changed my mind…", Barrish states, crossing her arms in amusement.

"Okay!", the reporter replies, "In an hour! At your elephants", she announces confidently as she looks up at the clear sky and walks away. Elaine can't help but huff out a laugh, she spreads her arms, "Hey! Look, I said I changed my mind!", she reminds her, Susan turns around nodding, "Yeah, I heard you! See you later!", she confirms winking at her and continuing to walk away.

That exchange of banter was strange, unusual, but pleasant. Very pleasant. She's glad that despite both of their busy schedules, they manage to find time to see each other often. Most of the time they prefer to stay at Susan's house, where they can talk quietly, perhaps over something they've cooked together, or share a movie. And she doesn't mind the idea that Elaine might make a habit of stopping by her place once in a while. Maybe she should actually get her pajamas in the event.

———————————————————

The new puppy has slumped uncomfortably right in front of the pond and plunges its snout almost completely into the water, its mother protectively watching over it, waving her trunk and splashing water in his direction. Elaine turns to Susan, who is watching the scene in fascination and amusement, realizing that one of the things she likes most about her is the curiosity and wonder with which she experiences new things.

She knows she's about to ask the question and decides to anticipate it, "Did you know that puppies drink this way?", she turns around surprised, her eyes still lit up from the tender scene. "He doesn't know how to use his trunk yet, it will take him months, before he learns", she explains smilingly. "I didn't know that", the journalist confesses, continuing to look at her smiling, caught by a sudden slight embarrassment.

"So…", she recovers shortly, pushing away the strange feeling, "How are the preparations going at the bistro?", she asks referring to the place TJ and Doug have decided to take over and relaunch together. Elaine smiles, wishing her children would finally find their place in the world. "Slowly, but Doug is a perfectionist, and I think it's only fair anyway. TJ needs time to fully recover, thank goodness he's really trying, I think it's thanks to psychotherapy, you know, he has to learn to deal with defeat and loss. The preparations are challenging for both of us", she tells her, undecided whether to joke with the next question.

"You're going to write it in your book?", "Of course!", the young woman confirms enthusiastically, "It will be a detailed chronicle concerning the working and private life of Secretary of State Elaine Barrish!", she explains excitedly, her gaze suddenly becoming more serious as she catches her breath, "When I used the story of TJ's suicide to snatch that interview from you, what you told me when the news got out of control, the near nomination to the Supreme Court, your role in the emergencies of the journalists in Iran and the submarine off the coast of San Diego, your decision to run for president again, your alliance with Garcetti, Biarritz, all that can be said", she explains to her, "If that's okay with you", she adds.

"So you're going to write down what kind of person you used to be?", the politician jokes slightly embarrassed, "Yes, it's to explain what kind of person I've become by getting to know you better, it explains what kind of person you really are, in spite of how many I've told you behind", she justifies herself by watching her nod thoughtfully. She sees her sit down better on the bench they both sit on. "And what will the title be?", Barrish asks curiously. Susan smiles and twists her mouth, unsure if she's revealing what she's been thinking about more and more.

"Um... 'When Bitches Collide'?", she tells her, widening a fake smile for her benefit. Surprisingly Elaine doesn't seem bothered, in fact a soft smile spreads across her lips as she nods slowly, "I think it's the perfect title to tell the story of how we ended up from that very first day to.... this", she concedes as she spreads her arms toward the bench.

As she recomposes herself, one hand, almost in an instinctive gesture, affectionately clasps her friend's. "I feel very lucky to have you in my life, Sue", she says to her in a gentle tone, as her heart seems to skip a beat. "And I feel very lucky to have you in mine, Elaine", she smiles back at her, as her hand turns inside his, until their palms match and their fingers tighten their grip, as if to give even more meaning to those last words.

———————————————————

As she sits next to Clark, who escorts her back to the President, Elaine still feels the warmth of Susan's hand in hers, it is a warmth that expands within her and gives her a feeling of well-being and tranquility. She feels truly blessed; she feels that her company makes her life better. She clenches her fist, as if to keep the feeling on her skin as much as possible, and lets a deep sigh escape as her friend's lovely laugh echoes in her mind.

She thinks back to the night before, to the naturalness with which she let her take care of her, as if it was their habit, she thinks back to when she woke up with her nostrils flooded with the scent of freshly brewed coffee, and opening her eyes she found her caring gaze and her beautiful smile. Think back to when she absent-mindedly placed her new, barely used toothbrush back in the glass, along with her toothpaste and hers. Maybe the world wouldn't fall apart after all, if every now and then, maybe when they were running late, she would stop and sleep.


	16. When Bitches Greet (each other)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You pamper me too much!"  
> "You think so? Yes... maybe you're right!"

**Sixteen: When Bitches Greet (each other)**

The man in front of her is sweaty and fatigued as the physical therapist follows him onto the rehabilitation platform, Elaine watches with relief as he is regaining muscle mass on his legs covered by a pair of short shorts, the scars from the accident still visible at the points where the skin and muscle were torn away from the bone and at the points where the pins of the external anchors were placed. _\- He won't be able to perform ballets like last time, he'll have to be content to sit quietly behind the lectern most of the time, he'll be a bit Roosevelt, but maybe that's a good thing -_ , the Secretary of State thinks.

"Elaine!", he greets her smilingly as he sits down at his desk with a grimace, "Are you ready to go?", he asks energetically. "Ready, sir!", she confirms with a tugged smile. "Good! Because we have a very tight schedule ahead of us, we're running late, you know that, besides, I don't want any of you to tire yourself out more than you need to, I'll have to deal with my limitations too, I've scheduled everyone's attendance based on the states we'll be visiting, for the first part of the trip I'll need you, since you've accepted the nomination as my deputy, we'll be touching the hardest states", he reminds her, as if she hadn't spent the last few weeks in the Oval with him and the rest of the Cabinet drawing up the campaign milestones.

"Certainly, Mr. President", the woman confirms in a polite tone, "We'll start with Georgia and move east all the way to California", the Secretary confirms. "That's right Elaine, then I'll relieve you, partly because I want you here when the trial against Collier begins", he explains. Barrish moves a step forward, "If I may, Mr. President… I think you should relieve me in Nevada, in your best interest... The California voting public is already oriented on your side, Sir, also, if you remember the interview with my ex-husband in the previous primaries, it would be better for you to leave me aside", she reminds him.

The man is thoughtful for a few moments, then he lets out a deep sigh, "You know, I don't think it matters anymore what happened back then, however... I trust your instincts and advice, I'll have the second jet pick you up in Las Vegas then", he concedes with a smile.

"Thank you, Mr. President", she says to him nodding, "Now go home, get ready, spend some time with your folks, I'll expect you in the morning", he dismisses her in an affable tone.

———————————————————

"Are you going to be okay, alone all this time, with TJ?", Elaine asks her mother, "Honey, of course I'll be okay! It's not like I'm not an old fart yet! Besides, I'm not alone! TJ's always got that handsome piece of meat of a sponsor attached to him, thank goodness! And then there's Douglas and Anne…", she assures her slyly, "...or rather… you know what they say, don't you? While the cat's away… I'm going to have the time of my life without you! I might even throw a big party to celebrate your absence!", she announces pretending to be serious.

"Mom!", she admonishes her watching her burst out laughing. "We'll be fine, dear… now stop pretending to worry and go pack your things. You're leaving straight from Susan's house in the morning, right?", she asks her. "Well it's crazy to come back here just to get my bags, since I'd be halfway there by now"

"Right! Oh, and tell her I'll expect her for lunch, Sunday, like always!", "Really?", Barrish asks amazed, "Of course! It's a tradition by now!", her mother assures her, "That's a kind thought, Mom, thank you!", she says gratefully, "Go on, go ahead and pack your bags! No more traipsing around!", spurs her in her mama bear way.

Elaine shuts herself in her room without being able to stop smiling, she is deeply grateful that especially her mother has accepted and enjoys the reporter's presence. The invitation extended even without her presence is proof that she's not just acting out of kindness to her, but because in a way she's become attached to her as well.

———————————————————

"Did you see? I've got an eye for these things and you're too self-judging!", the reporter says with delight, as she checks that the pajamas she's got for her fit her perfectly. "Okay, it fits, but… the color… I look like an inmate at Wentworth Correctional Centre in Melbourne! Come on!", Susan bursts out laughing with amusement, "Nah, you don't! C’mon! Teal is a beautiful color! Would you have preferred a… I don't know… pig pink? Striped pajamas?", she jokes smoothing the fabric over one sleeve, "Besides... as a physical presence... I could see you more in the parts of The Freak!", she insists snidely. Elaine opens her mouth wide pretending to be furious, "You little bitch!", she recites pointing her finger. Susan cheekily mimics her, "See? Just like Joan Freak Ferguson! But don't worry, next season she'll end up as an 'inmate' too!", the reporter reasons, pinching her nose affectionately, "Yeah, but in a nice white blouse with looooong sleeves!", Barrish echoes before bursting into laughter.

"So, what's the plan?", Susan questions as she seasons the salad, "Believe me, you don't want to hear this, I hate campaigns, don't make me think about it again, please", Elaine pleads jokingly. "You know what? You're right! Let's just enjoy the evening!", the young woman confirms, handing her the bowl for her to put on the table while she takes care of the steaks.

Elaine watches her move, exhaling a sigh. She'll miss these evenings of theirs, she feels like she needs to watch her more intently than usual, as if to memorize her every movement, every little typical gesture or sound, so she can take it with her while she's away. They spend most of their dinner time choosing a not-too-depressing movie for the evening, and eventually find themselves sitting next to each other on the couch watching a documentary about African elephants.

"Then it wasn't a tease! They're really kicking them out of the herd!", the reporter exclaims bursting into laughter. "Of course I wasn't making fun of you, dummy! What do you think?", the politician retorts offended, slapping her on the arm. " I don't know! Maybe you were still upset about the news and wanted to get back at me by making fun of me in some way!", she justifies herself playfully. "Okay! That's officially the meanest thing you've ever said about me, Ms. Berg!", she jokes pointing her finger at her.

Susan raises an eyebrow, amused, "Are you sure about that?", she challenges her. "What do you mean?", Barrish asks with a sour look. Her friend bursts into one of her strangled laughs, "Oh God I really think I'm going to miss this, you know?", she confesses in one breath with a big smile, betrayed by a pair of strangely bright eyes.

In a second Elaine feels the lump in her throat and her eyes moisten, she grimaces to push back the emotion, wraps an arm around her shoulders and draws her to herself in an affectionate gesture, "Ah you won't be able to make me cry, little bitch!", she says in a broken voice depositing a quick kiss on her temple.

———————————————————

"You pamper me too much!", she accuses her, putting a blueberry in her mouth. "You think so?", the other one asks thoughtfully, masterfully turning the mixture in the steaming pan, "Yes... maybe you're right!", she admits without particular emphasis, after a while she slides the pancake in a serving plate and serves it to her friend.

"Okay, now try this one", she gloatingly proposes, resting her elbows on the table and leaning towards her awaiting her judgment. Elaine looks at her doubtfully, "Are you trying to poison me so I'll have to delay my departure?", she jokes, "Um...maybe..." the young woman holds her up.

From the outside view, it looks like a regular pancake to Elaine. She feels her friend's eyes on her and it amuses her and warms her heart. She picks up the fork on the side of the plate and uses it to cut off a piece. She pokes it and lifts it off the plate, looking at the inside, it looks undercooked, slightly creamy, and she is a little afraid to put it in her mouth, but she is also curious, something is obviously eluding her and she wants to find out what it is. So she plucks up courage and bites the pancake.

"It's good!", she says, pleasantly surprised by the creamy texture, after a while her tongue perceives a particular aroma, unmistakable. "Did you add the almond flour?", she asks almost sure she's right.

Berg grimaces thoughtfully, "Added almond flour… to what?", she asks mysteriously. "To regular pancake mix!", the other replies as if it should be an obvious fact. Susan smiles raising an eyebrow, satisfied, "But it's not regular pancake mix! No eggs, milk, flour or sugar!" she states.

"Oh…", the politician exclaims in bewilderment. She watches in astonishment as her friend assumes a 'I got you!' attitude, and waits patiently for the ingredients of that treat to be revealed.

"Chickpea flour, almond flour, acacia honey and water!", she announces proudly. "Well...let me tell you, it's really good Sue! Thank you!", she sweetly replies, adding the blueberries to the center of the pancake and closing it like an omelet. She separates a bite with her fork and offers it to her. "Try it!"

———————————————————

"Okay, you're ready", Susan remarks flatly, facing Elaine, fully dressed, at the front door still closed in front of them. "Keep me updated, okay?", she tells her, avoiding her gaze. "And have a safe trip!", she adds, moving a step forward, then rising up on her toes and hugging her affectionately, inhaling the scent of her skin and hair with her eyes closed.

She feels Elaine's arm fasten behind her back and pull her close. "Don't work too hard, Miss Berg", the woman whispers to her in a soft tone, before retreating a step while widening a smile for just her, _\- I better get out of here as soon as possible -_ , the Secretary thinks, opening the door and almost running away.


	17. When Bitches Tour (duty calls)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> «Do we have anything more beautiful in our Country? Ah, how I'd love to join you! But instead I'm stuck here, there, who knows where! When are you leaving? Ps. We'll be landing soon! Kisses!»  
> «You will come with me! You'll see! I still have two weeks to get things organized! But you will come with me, one way or another! See you soon!»

**Seventeen: When Bitches Tour (duty calls)**

"Blessed among men, huh?", the reporter on the other end of the phone teases her. "Never mind that! Perfect clique for a Southern barbecue!", she echoes by slipping off her shoes and sitting on the bed in her room at the Sheraton Hotel in Atlanta. "Tomorrow we'll beat the southern suburbs and then move on to Tennessee. There are some wonderful forests around here, you know?", she tells her smiling. "What about you? How are you doing at the paper?", she asks curiously.

"Well... Everyone at the newspaper is already buzzing about the trial, even though it's still almost two months away, and they're giving me a hard time", she informs her without particular emphasis. "Your voice is tired, too... How long has it been since you took a vacation, Miss Berg?", she asks with a veil of concern.

"It's true, I'm feeling a bit under the weather, it must be the change of season, they always say that, don't they?", the young woman jokes as she absent-mindedly runs a hand through her long hair. "Go somewhere, it will do you good", Barrish suggests softening her tone. "Yeah well… I'll think of something", she confirms, "I promise", she assures her moved by a sense of tenderness when she hears her friend's doubtful sigh. "I'll talk to you in the next few days, then", Elaine proposes after a pause", "Sure!", she replies.

———————————————————

After more than a week of hesitation, Susan is sure of her destination. All she has to do is plan her trip's stages, book her car and outbound flight. Her new boss has asked for two weeks' notice, so she has plenty of time to optimize the route she has set for herself.

Something tells her that her recent 'apathy' has something to do with her friend's departure. It's so easy to get used to a new, pleasant presence in your life that when, for some reason, it's gone, it's not as easy to get used to the lack of it. She is sure that disconnecting and taking time for herself will help her regain her balance.

She looks at the clock and figures that the Secretary is still flying from Memphis to Nashville, decides to send her a cryptic message hoping she'll understand and make her smile, since she' been pestering her for days to convince her to leave.

«Navajo Nation and surroundings! Kisses!»

Elaine hears the trill alerting her to the arrival of a new message and smiles instinctively, she already knows who's sending it to her, and was just thinking of her. The smile widens even more as she reads those few words.

«Do we have anything more beautiful in our Country? Ah, how I'd love to join you! But instead I'm stuck here, there, who knows where! When are you leaving? Ps. We'll be landing soon! Kisses!»

The plane dives into the soft white of the clouds and she is forced to swallow several times due to the change in descent pressure. She turns to the window distractedly clutching her phone, waiting for an answer.

«You will come with me! You'll see! I still have two weeks to get things organized! But you will come with me, one way or another! See you soon!»

The Secretary smiles shaking her head, clutches the cell phone in her hand and absentmindedly brings it up to hold her chin, "Miss Berg, you're going to drive me crazy! ", she whispers to herself amused, and for a fraction of a second, an infinitesimal fraction, a little voice inside her suggests that it could really happen, but before she grasps the meaning of that hint, it's already faded, and what's left is only her own facial expression, now serious, as she listens to her heart slowing down to a normal pace and wonders why it sped up in the first place. As she wonders why it's so hard to breathe, for a moment.

———————————————————

"So, you're going to abandon us for three Sundays, dear?", the matriarch asks as she hands the young woman a huge rectangle of freshly blanched egg pasta. "Mrs. Barrish, that makes me feel guilty, though!", she admonishes her, with a strange awe that she thought was long gone. She neatly arranges the sheet of pasta in the baking dish and pours a generous helping of ragu. The old woman smiles quietly.

"And you want to make me feel old! I already told you, call me Margaret!", she retorts in a joking tone, as she takes care of arranging the béchamel sauce, lifts another layer of pasta, while waiting for Susan to have sprinkled the cheese on the working lasagna.

"Did you know that your girlfriend was lost for over an hour when we took her to the Grand Canyon?", she begins to tell her as she sees a smile widen on the reporter's face. "She was eight, I think, we were on the South Rim near Williams, we had taken the shuttle and got off at Hopi Point, we would get distracted for half a minute and she was gone! I can't tell you how scared we were, we were on the edge of the canyon, below us a cliff of hundreds of meters! A ranger found her by accident, eight hundred yards to the west! She was looking for a way down to the river, the little shit! Eight hundred yards, can you believe it?", she finishes, shaking her head.

"We've done such a good job, my dear one!", she judges contentedly, looking proudly at the pan filled to the brim and ready for the oven. "Yes, I totally agree, Margaret!", the younger one confirms more relaxed.

"There! Now we're talking!", she exclaims, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, "Now we need a nice picture to send to my daughter, so she can see how much fun we have without her!", she suggests playfully, noticing a quick grimace on her interlocutor's face, she holds her a little tighter, "I know dear, we all miss her", she whispers comfortingly.


	18. When Bitches Discover (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm there... come on, describe this show to me..."  
> "Okay... Close your eyes for me Elaine"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter and the next one, I took inspiration partly from a trip to Arizona I made in 2011, and partly from my next trip there, which I don't know when it will be, but I am planning it for years, 'cause I missed too many wonders. If there's some local reading, hope you will appreciate my vision of your wonderful area.

**Eighteen: When Bitches Discover (part 1)**

Subject: Day one!

08.00 am

Hello Madam Secretary! I'm leaving for Phoenix! Finally! I should be there at 11am local time! Can't wait to get behind the wheel! I would like to be in Sedona in the evening!

1:30 pm Fountain Hills, AZ

Okay, friend, I just picked up the car a little over an hour ago and I already made a change of plans! As we were descending towards Sky Harbor International, I spotted something that caught my eye. I discovered that it was a man-made pond in a small town northeast of Apache Junction, called Fountain Hills.

That's where I headed. I'm sitting on the lawn in front of the pond, right in the middle is this artificial fountain, which shoots a jet of water hundreds of feet high every hour! I was lucky it was running during the landing, otherwise I would have missed it. I'm eating a sandwich in the shade of a willow tree, (very strange to find a willow tree in Arizona! I expected only Saguaro cactus!), waiting for the fountain to give its best at the next chime. Then I'll take a scenic detour, instead of going through I17, I'll go through Tortilla Flat, Sycamore Canyon, Montezuma Castle, Camp Verde, and Cottonwood.

8pm Jerome, AZ

I love a good change of plans! Upon arriving in Cottonwood, I spotted a curious sign on the road literally surrounded by cotton fields as I drove north bound for Sedona. 'Jerome, Yavapay County, ghost town, rooms available Hounted Hotel & Burger'... Could I have missed it, you think?

10 p.m.

The Hounted Hotel and Burger is small, cute, and entirely made of wood! The owners served me some great sliders and told me that in 1920 something like fifteen thousand people lived here, working in the copper mine. Now it's really a ghost town, there are no more than a hundred souls living here! Tomorrow I will visit it better!

Hey, I know you're tired, caught up and stressed, this is just the first of a long series, don't waste too much time answering, this is my way of taking you with me! Good night!"

Elaine Barrish pulls off her glasses, pleasantly amazed at what she just read, closes the magnetic case of her iPad and slips under the soft covers. She decides that as Susan will say goodnight to her, she will say good morning. Having little to tell in comparison, a simple and immediate text message will be enough. And with that thought, she closes her eyes and falls asleep shortly thereafter.

———————————————————

«Good morning, very nice surprise, Sue, to read about your day. Do it again, as often as you can! But don't you dare answer me when you're driving! And don't drive if you're tired! Hope you're taking lots of pictures! Hugs!!! Have a great day!»

Berg puts her phone away contentedly, thanks the lovely hotel couple, and goes out to explore.

———————————————————

Subject: day two!

2:30 p.m., Sedona, AZ

I'm sitting outside a diner at the Tlaquepaque Artisan Market. It is full of colors and sculptures, in the center of the small square the statue of an Apache in a plastic pose, he seems to be fighting with the eagle with its wings spread above him, it reminds me of the famous scene in The Matrix, when the main character dodges bullets. Around here they sell the most absurd foods, rattlesnake, lollipops complete with scorpions, chocolate glazed worms, habanero candy. Want a souvenir? My chili is simply delicious! With no weird ingredients, I hope! This morning I took a tour inside Jerome, it is truly a lovely place! The people are welcoming and the gift stores are a trap! As in, they're full of awesome stuff and you'd take it all with you!

It's a little Monument Valley here, there are these red sandstone rocks that surround the town. They built a church by carving out one of these rocks, because one of the formations in front looks like a Virgin Mary with a Jesus in her arms? To me it looks like any mother holding a baby, but those are details! I was advised to do the scenic drive through the Coconino National Forest to get up to Flagstaff, I'll be getting back behind the wheel in a bit.

9:30 p.m. Flagstaff, AZ

Okay. I can now officially say what a skunk smells like! I have to thank the waitress who recommended the overview! I don't want to think about what it must be like a few feet from the beast in question, I smelled it with the windows closed and while driving! I almost feared it would soak my clothes so strong it was! Of course I'm taking pictures! Am I a reporter or not? Early to bed tonight, I have big plans for tomorrow! Hope your day wasn't too stressful! Night!

———————————————————

«Well... I'll tell you... I would think about it, about the rattlesnake! I'd be curious, wouldn't you? Okay, okay! That doesn't sound like breakfast time talk! Can't wait to read what you're up to today! Be careful on the road, okay? Have a great day! Ps, Garcetti walks almost without crutches now, goodbye Roosevelt effect!»

———————————————————

Subject: day three!

3pm Grand Canyon NP, AZ

Despite the hundreds of people swarming around me, sitting, taking pictures, eating, talking, there is a reverential silence here that I have only experienced visiting the WTC Memorial. If I close my eyes, I seem to hear your mother calling you, looking for you everywhere! Do you have any idea where I am? The view from here is truly breathtaking! It must be stunning at sunset, or sunrise, but I can't stay that long, I'm headed further north! First though... I need to find the route down to the river! Any suggestions? Just kidding! Kisses!

10pm Page, AZ

Just a quick message to end the day, I want to be up before sunrise in the morning to enjoy the show! Get some rest! And sleep well!

———————————————————

«Good morning, you big wanderer! Have you been to Hopi Point!!! I bet my mom neglected to tell you that she was arguing with a souvenir vendor about the price of a Havasupai artifact and that I was bored out of my mind! And I had found that trail, by the way! If that ranger hadn't picked me up in the nick of time! Who knows where your day will take you! I'll find out tonight. We're about to fly to Louisiana. Have a good time for me, too!»

Susan is already on site, the sun is rising. She doesn't want to wait until later. She decides to answer straight away.

«You should be here, seeing this show in person, Elaine, we're so close now! Have a great flight!»

A few seconds pass and the phone starts ringing. She bites her bottom lip smiling as she answers without being able or having time to utter a syllable.

"I'm there... come on, describe this show to me...", the voice on the other end of the ether invites her. "Okay...", the young woman accepts with a slight embarrassment, while strangely her heart increases its beats.

"Close your eyes for me Elaine", she whispers. Elaine obeys, smiling, in her private corner that is the space where she usually sits when she is aboard Air Force One. She sinks her back and head into the seat and imagines she is with her friend.

"We took Highway 89 south, a few miles out Page we left the car at the side of the road and walked west for almost a mile, the red soil under our feet rising every time we took a step. We have the sun at our backs. We reach the edge. Below us the Colorado is emerald green this morning, flowing placidly, no sound of it, we are too far away. The river forms two thirds of a circle, on the other side there is a kind of rock tower, only a strip of land joins it to the opposite edge...", she tells her with an emotional voice.

Elaine smiles puffing air from her nostrils, her breathing has become heavy, "The Horseshoe Bend", she says. Berg doesn't feel the need to confirm.

"There is no one around here yet, we are sitting on a rock, the sun is getting higher every second and the color show is changing all the time. I think this is the most beautiful place on Earth, Elaine", she tells her, moved by the spectacle of nature. The two remain in silence, listening to each other only breathing, each immersed in her own fantasy of being with the other one. After a deeper sigh than the previous ones, it is the Secretary who breaks the spell. "Thank you, sweetheart", she tells her, hoping that her warmth will reach her, "Thank you, for being by my side... there is no other person I would want in your place"

A few more seconds and she hears the classic 'click' of the interrupted call. With her gaze lost in the canyon, her hands trembling with deep emotion, she puts her cell phone back in the pocket of her jeans. She doesn't know how long she sits there, overwhelmed by the intensity of the dialogue. She wonders what would have happened, if actually in that place, at that moment, Elaine Barrish had been with her.


	19. When Bitches Discover (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're tan!"  
> "It's not a tan, it's the desert dust!"

**Nineteen: When Bitches Discover (part 2)**

Subject: day four!

10pm Page, AZ

I'm going to stay in the neighborhood two or three more days. I need to get some rest. Today I visited Antelope Canyon with a Navajo guide, it really is amazing and such colors! Especially where the light filters into the slot canyon, you'll see the pictures! Have you had your jambalaya yet? Have a good rest! Kisses!

———————————————————

«Good morning, no jambalaya for now! We were served delicious gumbo last night though! The atmosphere is really warm here, but I can't wait to move to Baton Rouge! Have you been to Lake Powell yet? Are you planning on taking a trip to Zion as well? It's in Utah, but it's not far from there. We're leaving super early in the morning, not sure if I'll be able to get in touch, but I'm thinking of you! Always... Hugs to you, and thanks again for yesterday morning. It was really magic»

Subject: day five!

9:30 p.m. Page, AZ

Lake Powell was my relaxing destination today! I needed it! And such an amazing view! The water was so still it didn't even look liquid, and the red rocks of the canyon reflected in it.... Breathtaking! I wanted to take a boat ride! But I felt like being on my own! I checked into Zion, I'm going tomorrow, equipped to do the water hike, in the little tunnel shaped canyon, they have flyers here and it looks pretty challenging, but from the pictures I'd say it's totally worth it! So if you don't hear from me by tomorrow night, alert the rangers! Haha!

Subject: day six!

8pm Page, AZ

Okay!!! The Narrows is amazing, beautiful, fun, and... WET AND TIRING! Good thing the day was warm and out of the water I didn't get cold. It's a good thing that the clerk at the sports store I went to yesterday recommended the right clothes and shoes. Anyway... I'm still exhausted! I think I'll be resting all day tomorrow! I hope to hear from you, because then I'll be forced offline for several days, as I understand the Navajo territories don't get much coverage, it will be an adventure and a pleasure to isolate myself from the rest of the world for a few days. But I'll be thinking of you too! Call me tomorrow if you can! Kisses and night!

———————————————————

"What a sad voice!", Elaine amusedly observes from Baton Rouge. "It's not a sad voice, it's a tired voice, I think I've discovered the presence of at least a dozen muscles in my body that I had no clue existed!", the reporter complains in a pained tone. "I'm shattered!", the Secretary can't contain a laugh. "Haha, very funny!", Berg chants pretending to be offended.

"And how are you? Are you tired?", she then asks in a serious tone, "Well... I'm starting to get tired, yes... anyway I'm almost in the home stretch. I guess we'll be back around the same time", she informs her hoping that the next few days will pass quickly. "Really? When are you leaving Las Vegas?", the young woman asks animatedly, "I'm not sure, but I'll let you know, maybe you can come back with me!", the politician replies participating. "That would be nice! It won't be a problem to leave the car at McCarran instead of Sky Harbor", Susan tells her with the corners of her mouth curled up.

"Fine! Then let's see if we can match our schedules!", Barrish proposes confidently, before reluctantly moving on to greetings. The fact that her friend is going to disappear for a few days makes her uncomfortable, and although neither she nor the other mentions it, she feels it's a mutual feeling, so she decides to mask the feeling, "Hey... Don't stop writing me... It doesn't matter if you won't be able to email me every day, just keep doing it", she encourages her in a sweet tone. "I have no intention of stopping, Madam Secretary!", the other reassures her.

After a few moments of heavy silence, it is Susan again who speaks, "The time for goodbyes is always...", "Hard... Yeah...", Elaine suggests to her, she hears a resounding sigh from Arizona, "Now get out of there and go for a walk! You've had enough rest for today! Go buy me a souvenir! Come on!", she urges her in a joking tone, relieved by the sound of laughter.

Subject: days eight, nine and ten.

Day eight!

9:30 p.m. Monument Valley, UT

I'm in the middle of Monument Valley, Elaine! No! I'm not at the edge, I'm right in it! We left Oljato on horseback, we are a group of five, plus Navajo guides, a family with two beautiful children, we rode through the whole valley, you can't even imagine the spectacle at sunset! It is beyond description! We were treated to a traditional meal of tamales, right at the foot of Elephant Butte, and now we are going to spend the night in a hogan. It's awfully cold compared to the day! Elephant Butte, what a coincidence huh? Like I'd need a giant, beautiful, thousand-year-old red sandstone formation to remind me of you!

Day Nine!

11:30 PM Chinle, AZ

I wanted to stay until late afternoon, in roder to drive across the Painted Desert at sunset, to see it at its best, I know, I repeat myself, but the colors of this country are beyond words, they are pure emotion, they are wonder, commotion, life! I just arrived in Chinle, it's late and I'm tired, the hotel is the worst I've ever stayed in, but there's not much choice here. Tomorrow I will go into the Canyon de Chelly, I hope to be able to visit both forks.

Day 10!

9 p.m. Holbrook, AZ

The canyon is just like you see in the old western movies! The road that runs along it is very poorly maintained, but by having to proceed at a walking pace, I had a chance to appreciate every conformation. The car is really filthy! It was black when I picked it up, now it has taken on the same color as this land, fire red! In the evening I arrived in Holbrook. Tomorrow I'm going to visit the Petrified Forest! I decided to visit it on foot, I have all day.

I can finally send you the report of the last few days. Call me tomorrow, I want to know where you are and how you are doing! And I want to hear your voice! Hugs! And good night!

———————————————————

Elaine takes off her glasses, tired, but happy to have read her friend's adventures, she would like to call her now, but the email is from a couple of hours before and she is afraid to wake her up, so reluctantly, she turns off the light and covers herself up to the chin, hoping to fall asleep better than the last few nights.

———————————————————

"This place is incredible, Elaine! It seems impossible that these stones, millions of years ago, were trees! Yet, if you look at them, it's clear as light, you can make out the rings, the knots, the bark, everything! It looks like a lumberjack had fun cutting up a forest and placing the wood logs here and there... and then... I don't know... magically turned them into wonderful stones... I don't know it's so weird and beautiful! I'm taking amazing pictures!", she tells her in an elated voice. Elaine laughs into the phone, "You sound like a little girl in a candy store!", she tells her, "Ah, you're just envious!", the young woman chants at her, "No, not envious! But sure I wish I was there too! For the show huh, don't get any ideas!" the Secretary jokes, hearing her snort.

"Tonight we're headed to Houston and then Dallas, Garcetti is very encouraged by the latest projections, he's bursting with energy from every pore, in spite of the pain he's complaining about in his legs!", she informs her gesturing to her boss, to warn him that she needs a few more moments. "Hey my mother told me she got the postcard from Hopi Point, she was very happy", she continues smiling.

"Well did you think I would forget about them?" the reporter pokes her. "I have to go now, have fun, as always!", "And you try not to get too tired! Have a good day!", Susan crouches down to take more photos, with an extra burst of energy.

———————————————————

Subject: day eleven!

8pm Holbrook, AZ

Hey hope you made it to Texas without a hiccup! My trip was... Wow!!! I'm on the fence about stopping in Winslow tomorrow, I'm told Meteor Crater isn't that great. Anyway, I'm going to take it easy and do Route 66 instead of I40, I'll see how I turn when I get to the fork! Good night friend! Kisses!

Subject: weird dream

03:56 Holbrook, AZ

I woke up suddenly, from a somewhat bizarre dream, I was at the Horseshoe Bend, sitting on a rock, looking at the river at the bottom of the canyon, on the flat on the other side, there was you, I could see you as you were only a few steps away from me, you were smiling at me, but not talking. Then a raptor flew by and distracted me, when I went back to look, you were gone. But, while I was still looking for you, I felt your presence behind me, I felt you approaching me, I had the impression that you were sitting behind me, and when your arms surrounded my shoulders, I woke up! I didn't want to wake up, you know?

Susan rereads what she wrote, undecided, huffing a deep sigh, shaking her head. She selects the text within the email, cuts and pastes it into a new text document, saves the document, and deletes the email. She closes the iPad's magnetic case and lies back down, hoping to get back to sleep. She curls up in a fetal position, pulls the blankets up over her head, and closes her eyes in an attempt to recall the dreamlike sensations from just before, hoping to pick up where she left off.

———————————————————

Subject: Day twelve

7:30 p.m. Flagstaff, AZ

Well... I'll tell you, Meteor Crater is just a huge hole in the desert! But I'm still glad I didn't skip a short visit. Tomorrow I'm going to walk around the area and not get too tired, for the next few days I plan to go back to Phoenix to visit the city and then I'd like to go down to Tucson! I've been recommended to visit Benson Caverns and Saguaro National Park. Let me know when you have a release date from Vegas, I hope to catch up with you in time! Kisses!"

———————————————————

«Good morning, Miss Berg! You better get some rest today! You're putting on more miles in the car than I am in the plane! I just landed in Albuquerque! We are close, all things considered! Your photos are sure to be stunning, but the view of the Sangre de Cristo isn't bad either, you know? Hugs to you, have a great day!»

«Hey, you! But couldn't we run into each other in Phoenix in a couple of days? Maybe you can free up a few hours for dinner? I found a place... I'd love to take you there...»

«Which place?»

«Come and you’ll find out!»

Elaine stows her phone in her purse, undecided whether to actually take a couple of hours to spend with her friend, she's almost done with her assignment in the country, the urge to spend a few hours with her seems like an unmissable opportunity. She decides she'll try to make arrangements.

———————————————————

«Ms. Berg, have you had enough rest? So, I'll see you tomorrow night?»

A huge smile lights up her sleep-rested face. She pulls herself up in her seat and answers as quickly as she can, afraid her friend will be busy and miss her reply.

«Really?!? I am so happy!!! I'll make a reservation tonight then, if you let me know your free hours! I'm going to take my time getting ready and then head down to Phoenix! Ps, don't you dare change your mind!»

"I don't even think about it!", Barrish whispers to herself, replying briefly.

———————————————————

Subject: Day Fourteen

8pm Phoenix, AZ

Got it!!! Reservation made! Just in case, I'll text your phone in the morning to confirm time and address

———————————————————

Susan Berg arrived in front of the restaurant a good 15 minutes early. She walked around town a bit, there are signs with Garcetti and his team, including Elaine, scattered all over the place. It's strange to see her portrayed on every corner as if she's just another politician and not someone so special to her.

Finally a black limousine slows down and pulls up right in front of her, for a moment she forgets to breathe. She is undecided whether to approach or not, the rear door opens wide and Elaine looks at her smiling, getting out of the car. Then she walks towards her, returning the joy of seeing each other and embraces her warmly.

"There she is, my little wanderer!", Elaine exclaims, laughing partly in contentment, partly to mask a strange embarrassment. She can't help but hold her close with relief, thinking without wonder how much she's missed her! After a while she unwillingly lets go of her, unaware that even Susan struggles to loosen the contact. They look into each other's eyes for a long moment, still with their hands laced together, and finally see each other relax their shoulders at the same time. "I'm soooo glad you're here", Susan tells her, stepping to the side and taking her under her arm.

The waiter shows them the table, depositing the menus on it, before walking away. It's not a fancy establishment, no one seems to mind them. The large room, almost entirely made of wood, is illuminated by a long glass window that covers two sides of the entire building, the sunset colors the Superstition Mountains in the distance with a soft pink, the Saguaros on the roadside are gigantic and green.

"You're tan!", the politician points out to her with an affectionate smile. "It's not a tan, it's the desert dust!", the other jokes, snatching a laugh from her. "So... why did you want to bring me here?", asks Elaine curiously. "Look at the menu!", her interlocutor suggests, winking playfully. Barrish amusedly raises an eyebrow and feigns an annoyed sigh, obeying.

With extreme enjoyment, the reporter watches her open her mouth in wonder, the politician closes the paper with a sudden movement, producing a dry noise, and lays it on the table. "Are you serious?", she asks feigning shock. "Of course I am, Madam Secretary!", she replies confidently, nodding to the waiter.

"We are here for the restaurant's specialty", the young woman announces with a smile."Perfect…", the waiter comments "What can I get you to drink?", "Prickly Pear Margarita for me!", they announce in unison."Two margaritas, and some sparkling water", Elaine announces. Susan pulls a small package out of her purse and slides it across the table in front of her friend. "One of the many souvenirs I got you here and there", Barrish smiles curiously.

Inside the small box is a pendant made from copper wire in the shape of three small, angled spirals, reminding her of the decorations on the freeway surrounding Phoenix that she was admiring just one hour earlier. In the center of the jewel, a small harlequin opal exhibits its unique qualities within the cabochon cut. "This is from Jerome", she tells her with a fond smile. "It's very beautiful, thank you!", Elaine says, covering her hand with her palm. "It's a pleasure!", the other smiles fondly.

The waiter comes with the drinks and the main dishes, they are curious, amused and afraid, neither of them has the courage to taste first, after a fake bickering, they agree to proceed in unison. They raise their margaritas for a quick toast to Arizona and, still prejudiced, they take their first bite. After a few moments of taste analysis, pleasantly surprised, they smile. "It's good...", Elaine agrees, "It's fried!", Susan whispers to her, "Even the soles of your shoes are good if fried!", "Never heard of it?", the Secretary asks. Susan shrugs, "My grandmother used to say that all the time!", she smiles, "Anyway, I'll give you credit... it is good! I wonder what Doug and TJ will say when we'll tell them you ate rattlesnake!", she jokes. "It will be a hoot to see their faces! They'll blame you, just know!", she warns her jokingly again.

The few hours at their disposal pass too quickly, and they find themselves exchanging desserts while thinking about how to organize their return trip, "I don't think it's necessary to let you drive all the way to Vegas, you've already covered who knows how much ground, I'll ask if it's possible to make a stopover in Tucson. I'll let you know tomorrow, okay?", Barrish informs her, "Sure… thanks for coming, I'm really glad we made it do", the young woman smiles at her with the knowledge that they are about to say goodbye.


	20. When Bitches Fly (or fight)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Okay now you're really making me worry, what's going on with you, Susan?"  
> "I… I really need… to… to tell you something, Elaine"

**Twenty: When Bitches Fly (or fight)**

Susan Berg stands in the grand lobby of the Tucson airport, cell phone in hand, waiting to receive the call from Barrish as to which gate awaits her aboard the second presidential jet. She is surprised when she spots Clark's figure from a distance, raises a hand to make herself visible, and the handsome man approaches her with a friendly air. "Miss Berg, it's good to see you after so long, please follow me!"

Elaine waits for her at her usual spot, beckons her to sit next to her with her hand, waits for her to approach and immediately rests her shoulder against it lacing one arm with her own. "Tell me about these wonderful caves, now!", she urges her, while the aircraft is already maneuvering on the runway. Susan takes a breath, enjoying the contact with her friend and immediately plunges into the story.

"They are the best maintained caves in the whole world, probably, this is because they were only discovered in the 1980s. The two cavers who found them were afraid that they might be damaged, as always happens in these situations, and by mutual agreement with the Kartchner family, the owners of the property, they decided to keep the exact location a secret, until the state assured them that they would keep them almost in their original state, presenting a plan for excavations and minimal interventions for tourists to enter"

"There are huge rooms, inside, with the classic bacon formations, giant stalactites and stalagmites, the largest room, the throne room, is presented completely dark, the lights gradually turning on and you witness this spectacle almost in the same way as the first humans who entered it. There are areas that have never been touched by a living soul. There is a room with silt on the bottom, in which you can still see the drag marks of the two cavers who walked there on their hands and knees to explore its size!", she tells her in one breath, conveying her enthusiasm. "Then we need to go back there together, sometime!", the woman tells her, shaking her hand.

The jet takes off and veers northeast, after a few minutes, Susan checks her watch, then leans toward Elaine, stretches her neck as far as she can, to look out the window. "What?", the Secretary asks curiously, gently laying a hand on her back. "If we fly over Phoenix I want to show you the fountain, it's still early, but I don't want it to slip my mind", she explains, looking down with effort. A laugh escapes Elaine, the young woman's enthusiasm always does that to her, it's immensely endearing and she can't help but laugh at it.

After checking at least a couple more times, Susan's eyes finally light up as she motions for her to look downstairs. Elaine follows the direction of her friend's finger until she spots the jet of water and the green mirror of the pond. Sticking to the glass, close together, Barrish is undecided if the emotions she feels are because of the view from the jet or because of her friend's proximity. She decides not to worry about it so much and stays to enjoy the moment until the other sits back down composed.

"I almost forgot!", the politician exclaims, "I got you something in Albuquerque!", she informs her energetically, "Come with me!", she urges her by unfastening her belt.

The sight of that interior hits her like a slap right in her face. How could she forget that fucking couch? She let months go by, completely erasing it from her fucking thoughts! Months in which they truly bonded, built something despite the fact that they were practically at each other's throats at first! They got through it all and then started over again! Freezing on the spot, unable to take a step in any direction, unable to look away from that damn, blinding, fucking white! Unable to hear what her friend is asking her, she remains stunned in the center of the suite.

Elaine turns with an amused look, getting no response from her. Her expression changes, noticing the absolute nothingness in Susan's. "Sue, what's wrong?", she asks as she approaches, turning around to look in the same direction the reporter's eyes are pointing, but all she sees is just the same, old sofa.

"Okay now you're really making me worry, what's going on with you, Susan?", she gently forces her to look at her, guiding her face with her long fingers. She places the palm of her hand on her cheek, to convey her encouragement, "I… I really need… to… to tell you something, Elaine", Susan stutters in a whimsical voice.

Barrish wraps an arm around her shoulders to gently guide her towards the couch. When Susan notices their destination she recovers escaping the embrace and raises her hands hysterically. "No-no-no-not-there!", she cries out as if in the grips of the most frightening hallucinations. The Secretary places her hands on her shoulders, fearing that something serious is really wrong with her. "Honey, it's okay, come on... sit down with me, will you?", she speaks in a reassuring voice, still pushing her in the direction of the seat. What is it that scares her so much that she has such a disproportionate reaction?

The young woman squirms again. "No! I can't!", she blurts out starting to pace back and forth in front of Elaine's shocked gaze. "You don't understand!", she goes on rubbing her hands together convulsively. "I-I wanted to tell you right away! But that really wasn't the right time and then on the way back we started playing Scrabble and we were having fun and we were exhausted and-and-and-and… then it just wiped out of my head! Boom! Gone! God-God-God what a fucking bitch I am! Fucking shitty couch!", she gestures in frustration.

"What couch?", Barrish asks the increasingly confused. Susan suddenly freezes, "WHAT couch?! THAT fucking couch!", she exclaims stretching her arms pointing the piece of furniture.

Elaine realizes that she has to help her somehow, because the young woman really seems to be in hysterics. So she wracks her brain to get some input to help her understand. When was the last time they boarded the jet together? To go to France and back, of course! Suddenly she remembers the woman's strange behavior on both those occasions. Okay... she wasn't in that status, but in the suite she had seemed uncomfortable anyway. And when her friend was on that jet before that? She went to Oman with Bud...

Elaine's blood runs cold at the thought of her ex-husband's flirtatious reputation. She tilts her head to one side, squaring her from head to toe. "Oh no! Oh no!", she exclaims with a choked sound, caught in an unusual feeling of jealousy. The young woman in front of her is the perfect representation of a marble statue, with a terrified look on her visage.

She brings her hands up to cover her mouth. "Oh no... no... no, don't tell me that…", unable to complete the sentence, she looks at her with a hurt expression and aching heart and wonders why she feels so damn bad. "It was a terrible mistake, Elaine!", Susan awakened as she approached in an attempt to explain herself.

Elaine, for her part, recoils, overwhelmed by her incomprehensible jealousy. She raises her hands in a defensive gesture. "Please, please Elaine, it was a.... I don't know but… I swear it only happened once!", Susan pleads, afraid of losing her. She raises her hands to place them on her shoulders but the woman sputters backwards, ending up sitting on that fucking couch.

"Like Hell Playing Scrabble!", she finally blurts out with a contorted face, feeling betrayed. It seems to Susan that she has ended up beyond the event horizon of a frightening black hole, which is quickly sucking her into absolute nothingness, at the thought that Elaine has misunderstood who really had anything to do with that fucking sofa. If it weren't so tragic it would certainly be embarrassingly comical!

"No! Elaine! Don't... don't... how do I explain this to you?!", she asks in a disarming tone. "No... no... NO! I don't want to hear about you having sex with Bud, please spare me the details!", the Secretary of State marvels at her own words, wondering why the hell she insists on wanting to talk with her instead of just kicking her hell out. _\- Well, because we're still flying, maybe? -_ , she justifies herself.

"It wasn't with Bud!", the reporter is quick to point out, before realizing that the situation can only get fucking worse. Elaine freezes suddenly, wrinkling her forehead, completely bewildered and relieved, but it lasts only a second, then a freight train runs her over, her jaw dropping down as if the tendons connecting it to her skull had torn all at once. She stands up, towering over the young woman in all her size and height.

She is so out of her depth that Susan has the impression of seeing smoke coming out of her ears and nose, backing away moved by a gesture of respect.

"MY.SON!?", she croaks in shock as she keeps moving forward. "It was a mistake, Elaine, we had too much to drink… please-please, I should have told you right away, I erased it from my mind, I swear… but I'm telling you now…", she continues in shame walking backwards as her friend advances towards her. "It didn't mean anything…", she points out, not quite sure why she cares to let her know this.

"You, you FUCKED, MY, SON, on THAT couch?!", she yells in her face as she feels her eyes fill with tears of burning jealousy. Where does all that jealousy come from? She was never jealous of her son's adventures! She is a damn good mother-in-law, for goodness sake!

"That was a bad call, Elaine, it was a bad call", al the sudden Barrish grabs her with both hands by the collar of her shirt, and slams her hard against the wall. "BAD CALL?", she growls inches from her face, panting loudly. She can feel Susan’s frantic breath on her skin and in a way is so intoxicating than a weird warm runs through her body.

She watches the other's eyes fill with tears and can no longer hold back hers, her guts are twisting painfully, because even in the grip of all that anger, that inexplicable jealousy, she can't bear to see Susan in pain. 

Susan isn't scared anymore, now, she just feels defeated, she looks into her eyes and the feeling of having lost her annihilates her. Tears flow copiously as she stands silently taking all the shit she deserves. She doesn't know what to say, how to say it, and so she decides to do the only thing she can, so that Elaine can understand something that she herself is only now beginning to understand right now.

She cups her face between her hands, closes her eyes and lets her lips collide with Elaine's. Taken aback by the kiss, the woman momentarily loses her balance and is forced to take a step back, but Susan maintains her hold on her and Elaine finds herself with her eyes closed and her soul in turmoil.

Before she realizes she's responding to the kiss, Susan pulls away from her in sobs. "I'm sorry… I-I'm sorry…", she exhales in a trembling voice, covering her mouth. Groping for the door to her left, she disappears before Elaine Barrish can fully process what just happened.

———————————————————

The journalist hides in the small bathroom just outside the suite and leans hard against the door behind her, the lump in her throat almost preventing her from swallowing. She doesn't know whether or not to regret what she has just done. Tears continue to wet her cheeks and she doesn't even care to stop them anymore. She feels that it's all over without even having started, but at least she did everything she could to show Elaine that... _\- that what? -_ , she wonders.

Barrish recovers from her immobility with her cheeks burning and her heart beating furiously in her chest. She brings trembling hands to her face and feels the need to lean against the wall, slowly her back slips further and further down until she finds herself sitting on her own butt.

She feels like the world has just collapsed on her. She closes her eyes and sees nothing but Susan's gentle features moving closer toward her, and her stomach clenches, but it's a pleasant ache, the usual one you feel when... _\- when what? -_ , she wonders, refusing to give herself an answer, she runs her tongue over her lips and licks away the salty taste of the young woman’s tears. And she was just about to let go of her shirt collar to reach around her neck and pull her even closer! She's unsure whether to be relieved or disappointed that her friend had put a sudden stop to that curse... or spell....

In an attempt to figure out what happened just moments earlier, she tries to chronologically rearrange the exchange of lines that ended with that... _\- oh my goodness... -_ that kiss.

But it's all fragmented, and in her head it sounds like _«_ Blablabla SOFA, blablabla SCRABBLE, blablabla PLEASE, blablabla BUD, blablabla MISTAKE, blablabla FUCKED, blablabla MYSON, blablabla BADCALL _»_ , and then.... THAT... With a resounding 'thug’, she leans her head against the wall and licks again her lips until the taste of Susan fades completely, feeling a strange void inside her, when it’s completely gone.

———————————————————

Susan dabs at her swollen eyes in an attempt to cover up an obvious fact, convincing herself that if she hangs on between now and the landing, she will look at least acceptable. After managing to look at herself in the mirror without feeling pity for herself, she decides it's time to get out of there and go sit in her usual spot.

She peeps out of her hiding place, torn between wishing that Elaine was waiting for her in the hallway and hoping that she had barricaded herself in her suite. She silently closes the door behind her, straining one ear toward the other locked nearby, but all she hears are the classic noises of the flying jet.

———————————————————

The Secretary is convinced that the young woman, overwhelmed by the accusations and literally cornered, has used the kiss expedient to distract her and thus have the opportunity to escape her jealousy... _\- wrath -_ , she corrects her words, trying to convince herself.

She can't blame her, thinking about it now, when she begins to feel a little calmer,realizing the awful way she assaulted her, but what the fuck! Fucking her son and then pretend nothing happened with her for all this time! _\- but that was a long time ago! Before the attack, when you also weren't even completely honest with her yet! Then after the attack on Air Force One this could only fade into the background! -_ , suggests a little voice inside her. _\- Besides, it's not true that she's been acting out, she's always been nervous in this suite! No wonder she had removed it! And now she feels very bad about it... -_ , the voice insists.

After a few more minutes of recomposing, just as the pilot warns her that they are about to begin their descent into DC, the politician is ready to face the reporter.

Trying to maintain a neutral attitude, she slowly approaches and sits down next to her and immediately turns to look at her, her heart clenching at the sight of her reddened eyes, and she just wants to cup that face of hers and… but her expression is proud. And it's the same as when they stood at the elephant cage after she kicked her out of her office. The expression of someone who knows of being wrong and instead of run away, has the nuts to admit it and face her.

_"Thank you for seeing me", she had told her that night. "I, uh, I wanted to apologize. I found out the story was my fault. I inadvertently leaked it. I told my editor, who I'm sleeping with. He told the other woman he's also sleeping with. A fellow journalist", she had explained, refusing to show herself as a victim, albeit with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry to hear that", she had replied in a calm tone, "Genuinely", she had pointed out to the skeptical look of her interlocutor. "Yeah, thought you'd appreciate the irony", "That may be the meanest thing you've said about me", Barrish had joked. "Oh, you haven't read my columns. They were pretty mean" , the young woman had retorted promptly. "I may have read a few of your columns", the politician had finally admitted._

Now, this young woman is about to say something, but Elaine beats her to it by raising a hand.

"I just need you to listen to me right now, Sue, okay?", she begins in a reassuring voice, hoping that calling her with that fond nickname with which only she refers to her, serve to make Susan aware that nothing too bad has happened. A hasty nod from Susan is enough to carry on.

"I overreacted in there, I physically attacked you and it was understandable that you would find a way to... anyway, I'm sorry... I know you're sorry too, I can't and I don’t want be mad at you for something that happened when we were still... using each other. And Doug... I mean, let's just pretend it didn't happen and... Let's just put it behind us, okay?"

Susan tries to smile, tightening her lips and clenching her jaw, forcing herself not to allow her eyes to fill with tears once again. She can't remember what she wanted to say or even know if it matters anymore. She's still there, she hasn't lost her, but… she knows she didn't kiss her to... distract her... that's probably the word that hadn't come to her. What should she do now? Fucking tell her?

"Okay", she answers trying to sound convincing. The other one takes her hand in a fond gesture and squeezes it between her own, smiling at her. "It's okay", Barrish reassures her in a soft way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone will have noticed the callback to Aliens, in a scene in this chapter, I hope!


	21. When Bitches Try (to forget)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> «Hey you... there's an empty spot here, next to me for you… if you'd like to join us, I'll send Clark to get you right away. Please come...»  
> «Thanks for the thought, to you and your family. I'm a little messed up right now. I'd rather be alone this evening, is it okay?»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recently I had the idea to write a one-shot linked to this chapter.  
> If you wanna read it in the very moment it happens, I marked the spot with a |O|, and you can use the link below.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/28716942

**Twenty-one: When Bitches Try (to forget)**

The ride home goes by silently, neither of them really knows what to say, it's not embarrassment that silences them, it's more a sense of fear that something irreparable has just happened and they may not be able to overcome it.

Clark watches them from the rearview mirror, notices the heavy atmosphere, pulls up in front of the reporter's house, gets out to get their luggage and lingers to give them some room that he senses they both need, wandering what happened between the two.

Elaine lays her hand on Susan's, "Um... maybe one of these nights I'll stop by your place, we'll exchange souvenirs, watch a movie?", she offers insecurely. "Sure!", the other hurries to reply a little too quickly, in an attempt to mask her discomfort. She hates feeling this way about Elaine, with Elaine.

"Please, Sue, tell me it's okay…", the woman begs her in a bewildered voice. "Elaine, you haven't done anything wrong, not today, not before today, I'm the one who should be asking this question, not you...", Susan admits, aware of the lump growing in her throat. "I just need to… come to terms with the... person I am. Absorb this concept and put it behind me… pretend it didn't happen, right…", the young woman hardly tries to explain, knowing that she still is partly telling stories.

Elaine leans in and gently hugs her for reassurance. "No one did anything wrong, least of all irreparable, not today, not before, honey", she whispers, holding the knot growing in her throat. She takes her face in her hands and tries to smile, "And you’re a wonderful person, by the way. Okay?", the younger struggles to smile back, she still feels mortified, she doesn't want her friend to feel bad because of her. She nods trying to look convincing, she closes her eyes when Barrish comes up and places a light kiss on her cheek, before wishing her a good rest.

———————————————————

At home she finds her mother, two sons, daughter-in-law, and ex-husband welcoming her back, they sit down at the table after a short while. She doesn't miss the extra seat they have reserved for Susan Berg. Perhaps if what happened a few hours earlier onboard the jet hadn't happened, she would be sitting next to her right now. No. Not perhaps. For sure. She would still want her next to her, she doesn't care what happened, or maybe she does, but not in the way she should, she thinks as she looks at Doug, expecting some sort of reaction from herself knowing what she is now aware of, but nothing happens.

"Honey, if only you had called as soon as you landed, I would have made sure you brought her too, I thought it was implied by now!", her mother admonished her. "How could it have been implied, Mom? I've been gone for two months and Susan for almost three weeks! It didn't even cross our mind", she justifies herself a little bit out loud, annoyed by the knowledge that they would have thought of it instead, if things hadn't turned out the way they did. She picks up her cell phone and dials a text message.

«Hey you... there's an empty spot here, next to me for you… if you'd like to join us, I'll send Clark to get you right away. Please come...»

«Thanks for the thought, to you and your family. I'm a little messed up right now. I'd rather be alone this evening, is it okay?», she reads after a short while as the knot in her throat becomes noticeable again. "She says she's tired, needs to rest. She says hi to everyone and will come in the next few days", she forces herself to speak, avoiding the gaze of the others. «Sure honey, whatever you feel like. Please, come back soon, I'll be right here waiting for you»

———————————————————

|O| follow this link if you wanna read what happens in the meanwhile: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28716942

———————————————————

Susan is not in touch the next day or the day after that. Elaine isn't particularly concerned, but she still feels uncomfortable. And she's sorry, sickeningly sorry, to know that her friend felt the need for such a drastic breakup. She's sorry she suggested that she pretend that confrontation never happened, because clearly they can't wipe it away, not Susan, not her.

More than the discussion, it's how it ended that upsets her. Her reaction, it unsettles her, disorients her, destabilizes her. Having returned from the Oval at a decent hour, having washed and changed into more comfortable clothes, she decides to break that awful silence and call her. She dials her number, aware of the beats of her own heart that increase with each ring, while absent-mindedly her long fingers play with the copper and opal pendant she has been wearing around her neck since that day they met in Phoenix.

"Hey there!", she answers after a short while. Elaine notices that her tone is built up, but now is not the time to point it out. She's just so relieved that she answered the phone. "Hey, I got in early, what if I come over?", she asks her, trying not to sound needy. She listens to the silence on the other end.

"Okay… um... if it's just time what you need, okay, I understand, but if you want to talk about it, I'm there... I just want you to know...", she insists hesitantly, "Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to pretend like nothing happened... I... I wouldn't have suggested it. I don't think it's working for any of us. And, it was wrong for me to decide for both of us, please forgive me", she clarifies.

"Elaine, you have nothing to be forgiven for. But you're right, I would like... I need us to talk about it", the young woman finally replies, Elaine's sigh of relief clearly audible to her, "I think I need to talk about it too, Sue", "Then I'll wait for you"

Susan finally allows herself to breathe as she sets her cell phone down on the kitchen counter. They have served her well, the past few days, in trying to understand her reactions. She is relieved to know that the woman has realized that there is no denying or forgetting. Not if you want to move on.

———————————————————

Elaine decides to take it for granted that she will stay for the night, bringing a change for the next day, she leaves Clark free for the evening by making arrangements for the next morning.

"Ice cream! The best in DC!", she announces with a smile as she crosses the threshold and squeezes her tightly with her free arm, to reiterate that everything is and will be okay. She places a kiss on her temple, lingering for a long moment and looks into her eyes, smiling.

"Tell me it's all chocolate! Dark chocolate!", Berg tries to joke, finally breaking into a laugh that relaxes the atmosphere. "What if I'm going to put on my prison uniform and come back?", she ventures more confidently, to convey to her she’d like to stay for the night.

Berg is glad, she just hopes she doesn't change her mind after they talk. Immediately she calls herself a fool for that thought, the woman would never do that. "While you're in the room, get the blankets too", she tells her loudly to be heard. After a short while she watches her coming back with the night's necessities, which she leaves at one end of the couch, before sitting down at the counter with her.

"If you're not too hungry we could have an ice cream dinner... How about that?", the young woman proposes. Elaine smiles conspiratorially, "I'm in!", she announces. She watches her get up to get two bowls, "I don’t think we need those... Just grab two spoons, I reckon it is more appropriate, for tonight!", she proposes, knowing that the topic they need to address is a sensitive one. A little intimacy will definitely help them. In fact, they really need it, she tells herself with belief.

After a few spoonfuls, she decides to break the silence. "If what's bothering you is what happened with Doug... it doesn't matter to me, I mean it…", she assures her looking into her eyes, "If you're uncomfortable... about that kiss... you don't have to... I was pressuring you, I had you cornered, literally", she waits and pray that Susan takes the bait and clarifies what she started to suspect lately, because she need her to know that it’s really okay.

"Elaine...", Berg interrupts her, relaxing in her seat and tilting her head looking into her eyes, she need to say it, "I didn't kiss you to distract you...", she confesses gently, trying to decipher the expression of the woman in front of her, in vain. Strangely, she is not as nervous as she had feared, in clarifying this point.

Here we go.

"I kissed you because, in that moment, it seemed like the only way to let you know how much I cared about you, how much I care, present tense. And after thinking about it so much over the last few days... well I just don't want you to think... It was not to distract you and find an escape… It’s just so unfair, and wrong, to let you think this. That’s what made me feel bad... really, just that", she tells her with a calm, relieved look. "I know I crossed a line, and I feel very bad about it, but I thought I lost you and-"

"Shut up and eat!", the older interrupts her in a sweet voice, handing her own spoon full of the cold and creamy mixture. She desperately want to tell her that somehow she think to feel the same, but Susan doesn’t deserve her insecurities. So She decides to say just part of her truth, the one she is sure of.

"There are no limits to respect or go beyond, here... it's just the two of us...", she reassures her tenderly. "And, I wasn't... mad about Doug... I was mad because you didn't tell me before...", she raises a hand, to interrupt her, seeing her catch her breath.

"I know, honey, you've suppressed it, and I believe you, now that I'm thinking about it in retrospect... but at that very moment... after all this time... after all that...we've been through together... I felt betrayed, and I shouldn't have, I lost my temper... maybe kissing me was really the only way to make me... shut up", she concludes bursting into a half laugh, relieved to feel Susan following her, she willingly accepts the last spoonful she offers her, finally breaking the discomfort between them.

Susan still doesn't know how to interpret her last words, but at the moment she realizes that it doesn't matter. She doesn't even really know how she feels about it yet, but she knows that whatever it is, it makes her feel good, so for now the important thing is to have clarified what was bothering her and to know and feel that Elaine has no problem accepting that truth that is still not clear to either of them. Shivering she tosses the now empty container and rinses the cutlery.

"Are you cold?", the other asks her as she stands up. "Brrr! Yes! Always, when I eat ice cream!", she confirms shaken again by a tremor. "Then let's hurry up and go curl up on the couch in the warmth!", Barrish spurs her on dragging her behind and making her laugh out loud. She pushes her playfully onto the couch and immediately dives in beside her. A moment later, however, she is back on her feet, throws a blanket over her, tucking it in tightly amidst the laughter of the other, "I almost forgot the little gifts from the South!", she exclaims in looking for her purse.

———————————————————

"Okay… we're in trouble folks! About fifty more people have joined us! Where am I going to find another kitchen attendant for tonight?" complains TJ scratching his head. The family is gathered in the large bistro room, ready for the grand opening."We didn't anticipate this many guests!" adds Doug chewing on his bottom lip.

"Okay, let's keep it together!", Susan proposes, raising her arms, "Do we have any raw materials left?", she asks the two brothers. "Sure! We have plenty of that!", Grandma Barrish assures her. Instinctively Elaine and Susan exchange a knowing look, "We're on it!", they announce in unison. "Are you serious?", Tj asks, widening her eyes. "Of course honey! We'll figure something out! Right Sue?", his mother reassures him, smiling at Berg who nods with confidence. "Oh my gosh! Thank you!", the young man exclaims relieved, jumping onto both of their necks and holding them close, "You guys are so cool!"

Margaret circles the counter and tables, making sure everything is perfect for the upcoming event. Marveling at her daughter's decision to try her hand at cooking, she suspects that her dear journalist friend and former bitch Susan Berg is running the show.

Every time she went into the kitchen to take a sneak peek, she spotted them in their little corner, so close that they were constantly brushing up against each other, silently making canapés, their movements almost perfectly synchronized, while they spoke softly and smiled at each other. - how touching! - she thinks, amused. She can't remember how long it's been since she's seen her daughter like this, she's not even sure she's ever seen her like this.

Surprised not to be shocked at the suspicion that comes to her by watching them together, she wonders where they are in their relationship. She'd like to think they're at a good stage, but she doesn't think that's possible, knowing Elaine, her history, her social and professional status. It's one thing to be the son of one of the most important members of the government, quite another to be the member himself.

It's one thing to be a forty-something bookish woman, hella hummer lady, and quite another to be a sixty-something woman, fresh from a single, troubled marriage of over thirty years. And one of the most powerful human being of the whole world.

Elaine sits at the table reserved for the family, enjoying the party she helped to create. It was much more enjoyable than she could have expected, spending the last six hours crafting tiny morsels in industrial quantities. While from afar she watches her friend joking with her daughter-in-law and her son, she agrees that it was all thanks to her. "I don't know how you did it, but you saved the evening!", Grandma Barrish remarks as she sits down next to her, noticing a smile widen on her daughter's face as she doesn't stop looking at the reporter on the opposite side of the room. "Yeah!", the woman affirms.

"I admit, I was dead wrong about her!", the elderly woman admits. "No, Mom, you weren't wrong", her daughter tells her, turning to look at her, "But a person's validity can be seen by their willingness to change when necessary, right?", she observes with a tired but relaxed expression. "Well, anyway, I'm very happy to have her in the family, dear, I can tell she adores you, stick with her!", she advises as she disappears, fearing that her daughter might want to delve into a topic that instead she wants her to just absorb, for now.


	22. When Bitches Face (truths)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What's wrong with Mom and Susan?"  
> "Doug, you're such an obvious macho egomaniac that he can't see beyond his nose when it comes to women! Just a total jerk!"

**Twenty-two: When Bitches Face (truths)**

"Hey, Ma!", TJ greets her as he walks into the kitchen and hugs her from behind. He plants a resounding kiss on her cheek and places one side of his face on her shoulder. "Baby, what's with all the cheesy drama?", she teases laying her palm on his face.

"I wanted to thank you again for the other day, you and Susan were amazing! I'm sorry I didn't run into you sooner to tell you, but the club is always full and we end up at crazy hours!", he explains. "I'm glad things are going great, and is your brother doing as well as you are?", her mother inquires, "Of course! He has a great sense of business!", he reassures her.

"You rather!", he carries on after a moment of hesitation, looking at her with a complicit expression, the woman raises an eyebrow, unaware of what the boy wants to say, "What?", she asks after a while. He sighs knowingly, "Mom…", he chants at her, "What, TJ? Explain yourself!", she suggests slightly impatiently.

"Well… let me tell you… you'd make a cute couple!", he ventures. "TJ!", she admonishes him, whipping him with the washcloth. "Haha! Gotcha! You didn't even ask me who I was referring to!", he challenges her with bright eyes. "Stop it, TJ!", she orders him trying to keep a serious face. "Well... I'd think about it!", the young man suggests to her grabbing an apple and running towards his room.

———————————————————

"Little shits, we need to talk!", Grandma Barrish announces firmly, setting a huge roasted chicken and a bowl filled with perfectly cooked potatoes on the table. Without being too slow or precise, she dismembers the still steaming bird and serves her grandchildren, undecided on how to start the conversation. She waits for TJ to take care of the side dishes for everyone and sits down crossing her hands in front of her, watching the two youngsters with their jaws already working.

"Your mother needs a little nudge", she begins in an imperious manner. "You're right, Grandma, we have to do something or she'll never get there!", TJ confirms, sensing the argument. "Why? What's wrong with Mom?" Doug asks focused on his chicken. "Yeah! We need to let her know that we just want her okay and happy!", Grandma continues, ignoring the younger brother's question and watching the older one nod with belief.

"We need to talk to her a little more clearly, because I've been showing her how much I consider Susan family for a while now, but she just doesn't get it!", "I've thrown a few thinly veiled jokes at her, but nothing!", TJ confirms. "What's wrong with Mom and Susan?", Doug insists with his mouth full.

"Honey, we need to let her know that it doesn't make any difference to us if they've fallen in love!", in less than a second the boy coughs, spitting the mouthful onto his plate, jerks his chair back and stands up wiping his mouth with his napkin, his eyes bugged out, "What!?", he exclaims shocked continuing to back away. Grandma slumps in her chair overcome with disappointment.

"Doug, you're such an obvious macho egomaniac that he can't see beyond his nose when it comes to women! Just a total jerk!", the matriarch sentences grossed out. " I mean, where are your eyes? Can't you see how they behave around each other?", " Mom will never admit it to herself unless we help her out!", TJ adds.

Douglas is petrified on the spot, his eyes dancing madly between his grandmother and his brother, _\- It's a nightmare! Wake up! It's just a damn nightmare! Wake the fuck up! -_ he repeats himself frantically. He points his finger at the two diners, "You two are totally insane!", he accuses them with little conviction as images of his mother and Susan mentally flash through his mindas they smile and joke with each other. Anger mounts within him, until he is forced to leave the room, fleeing who knows where.

TJ gets up to join him, but Grandma Barrish places a hand on his arm, "Leave him, he'll calm down", she orders him in a calm voice. "Grandma, I didn't think you were so soft, you know?", TJ confesses amused. Margaret sighs, "Eh, my dearest girlfriend, at the time of the shows, always used to say to me, 'Under a seemingly tough heart… there's plenty of butter!'", she recounts thoughtfully.

———————————————————

Susan Berg is proofreading a short article to be printed the following day, when she is interrupted by a frantic knocking at the door. She gets up in a huff because she already knows that she will lose the thread and will have to read it all over again. On the other side of the peephole she notices a visibly impatient Douglas Hammond, she rolls her eyes, wondering what's so urgent and opens the door, Doug almost sweeps in like a tornado. He turns around, nervously touching his face.

"Are you fucking my mother?", he growls at her in anger. Susan is speechless, the rush of adrenaline making her hands shake. She takes a deep breath to regain control of herself.

"Okay, get out of here", she orders, throwing open the door that was almost closing by now. The boy approaches her menacingly, pointing a finger at her, "Do you, fuck, my, mother?", he punctuates through clenched teeth.

The reporter crosses her arms in front of her, tears welling up in her eyes from anger, biting her tongue. "Fuck off, Doug! It's not like that", she says in a calm voice. Her reaction seems to have an effect on young Hammond, who suddenly deflates.

"What's going on, then? Why are Grandma and TJ so convinced there's something going on between you two?", he asks confused, not exactly remembering the succession of events and words that led him to the reporter's house. "Because there is, Doug, she's just not ready", the woman admits with sincerity.

"Leave her alone, she can take care of herself", she adds walking away from the doorway. The man follows her, even more confused, "No, wait…", he insists taking her by the arm. "Doug, I'm not… fucking her, okay? Is that clear to you?", she retorts. "For fuck's sake! Don't you see me? I absolutely adore her! Don't you see that?" ,she exclaims, spreading her arms wide with shining eyes.

The young man raises his arms in surrender, he realizes what she's saying, of course he does, how could he not realize it before? "Okay, um... I overreacted, I recognize that…", he admits approaching her as if to comfort her. "So... you have feelings for her…", he states watching her nod silently, "... and... she has... feelings for you…"

"Yes, Doug", Berg replies slightly impatient, he nods thoughtfully. "If you hurt her I swear I'll come after you", he threatens unconvinced, she snorts in laughter and a tear escapes her control.

"What can we do?", he asks surprising himself. "Nothing, Doug, you don't have to do anything, just leave her alone, she needs her time", she replies decisively, "Please don't get on her nerves, don't get in the middle of this", he insists. "I just don't understand you, what do you mean leave her alone? Are you two in love or not? Then what are you both waiting for?"

"Do you have any idea what this means to her? Do you have any idea what may be going through her mind? After more than 30 years with your father, eight in the White House as First Lady? And now the fourth figure in order of succession to the presidency? Do you realize the weight she must feel on you guys as well as herself?", she explodes in disbelief. "Is it also necessary for you to get involved?", she insists in disbelief.

"But she'll never make up her mind otherwise! Grandma and TJ are right… At least you have to help her on this, Susan!", "I am helping her, Douglas!", she retorts raising her voice. "Oh yeah? How?", he asks spreading his arms impatiently. Susan gets closer.

"Tell me, what could be more… right… than showing a person how you feel every day, while still leaving them free? By not making her feel the… weight of expectation or responsibility that is not hers? She's not responsible for how she makes me feel, just like I'm not responsible for how I make her feel", she tells him softening her tone, "But she's hurting you", he retorts.

"No! That's not true at all! I'm happy to feel what I feel, regardless of what she feels or wants!", Susan states confidently, "Then why do your eyes glow so much?", the young man insists, "Doesn't love make your eyes glow?", she asks quickly.

"Listen... this isn't about what I want or whether or not I'm suffering from this thing, which I repeat, I'm not hurt, this is about what's right", she tells him. "What if she never makes up her mind?", he asks doubtfully, "Then it means you don't know your mother, but on the off chance, as long as I feel that being around her is worth it, then it means it will have been worth it really", she smiles serenely.


	23. When Bitches Struggle (in needs)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you remember what I told you that night at the zoo, just before the attack?"  
> "That it was time for you to think about your family, rather than putting your career in front of it like always"

**Twenty-three: When Bitches Struggle (in needs)**

Returning to her article, Susan realizes that the confrontation with Doug has allowed her to finally clear her head about her feelings for Elaine. It had been instinctive, until a moment before, her behavior regarding the woman, now she truly realizes the depth of what she feels. Of how important it is to be herself with her without expecting anything in return.

To give her what she is allowed, to feel that she is fully welcomed and accepted, to feel that Elaine feels free to be herself as she is, without the weight of expectations or the fear of disappointment or illusion. Because in reality there are no expectations, so disappointment and delusion are not contemplated at all.

Amazingly, she manages to finish the piece without a hitch and can think about dinner, even though it's still early. She usually doesn't ask Elaine what she wants for dinner, she knows she doesn't need to, but given the time available and the desire to hear from her, she decides to text her, hoping she has a chance to read it, despite her commitments at the White House.

«Hey, do you want to have something specific for dinner? I'm going grocery shopping!»

«What a challenging question! What happened to you? Should I be worried?»

«Dummy!»

«I've never wondered what's for dinner when I'm with you! Whatever you do, I'm content to have your company, you know that, right?»

«Oh how sweet of you!»

«Oh how dummy of you!»

———————————————————

Elaine stows her cell phone, trying to mask a smile in front of her colleagues who are gathering in the Oval waiting for Garcetti to tell them the schedule for next week. If all goes smoothly, she could be out of there within an hour.

She was never interested in knowing what she would find for dinner at Susan's, even when they can cook together. The truth is that she simply loves spending time with that woman, no matter what they do, in a way it is always fulfilling, even when it is not pleasant due to adverse circumstances.

She had feared that she would unintentionally change her attitude after the young woman had clarified the reasons for that kiss, instead the opposite had happened, she had increasingly welcomed her way of interacting with her and Susan had not let that confession hold her back, she had continued to show her how much she cared about her.

She had begun to think more and more about that kiss, and not only that. Something had happened during their separation, something inside them. The distance had brought them closer together. And when Susan had left, in a way she had really taken her with her.

What had happened at the Horseshoe Bend had been the proof of what was growing inside them. Perhaps if they had been together that day, that kiss would have happened under more natural and spontaneous circumstances. Perhaps it had simply been inevitable. Every time she thinks back to that kiss, she thinks back to the moment when Susan walked away from her, the same moment when, the more she thinks about it, the more she is aware of how close she was to drawing her to herself and reciprocating the outpouring. And every time she relives that moment, she feels herself pining inside. And then the little jokes from her mother and son come back to her, and she is happy to know that they are on her side.

But her life was a completely different matter until a few months earlier. What if she was wrong? What if she let herself feel and then realized it wasn't right for her? Would she bear the weight of the responsibility of taking a step back? Would she bear the weight of looking into the eyes of her sweet Susan and telling her that she'd bitten off more than she could chew? Susan simply doesn’t deserve it. She can’t do it to her.

She watches one by one all her colleagues sitting at the table with her, watches Garcetti speak, and realizes that for the first time in her career she has no idea what the person who took the floor is talking about. All those people, or a good portion of them anyway, respect her, admire her, and have known her for twenty years. It's not like she cares how they would react. Just her persona is exposed not only to them, but to the public, and the masses, you know, need labels. She's not sure she wants to stick a label on herself. All she feels is just for Susan Berg and how Susan Berg makes her feel. She realizes that she is more aware of this with each passing day. But still, not quite enough to know what to do with that awareness.

———————————————————

"Sue, I don't want another position besides the one I already hold", she explains, sticking a forkful of salad into her mouth. "You can tell Garcetti trusts you enough to entrust you once again with the role he already offered you three years ago", Berg reasons. Elaine places the cutlery back on the side of the plate and looks at her carefully.

"Do you remember what I told you that night at the zoo, just before the attack?", she asks her in a patient voice. "That it was time for you to think about your family, rather than putting your career in front of it like always", the young woman replies. "Yeah… then the unthinkable happened and I was forced to put all my good intentions about my family on hold", she reminds her.

"True… but now TJ and Doug have found their own way and although they still remain your kids, you have to admit that they no longer need your constant presence. There were confusing times when you still bent over backwards for them, despite your professional commitments, it's not true that you pushed them aside. You are a wonderful mother. All of this is impressive. But serving the country as a Vice, now that you have regained trust in Paul Garcetti is something you have always aspired to, you two make a great team", the journalist encourages her by shaking her hand.

"This crisis has brought out a lot of good and gifted people, I don't want Garcetti to put too much trust in me and underestimate the rest of the staff. He is young and skilled, and I want him to evaluate all the alternatives. I want him to put together a team that is capable of giving its best even if one or more individuals fail. Troy, for example, comes from a family of industrialists and has traveled the world for thirty years, he knows at least twenty languages and speaks fluently at least six of them, he would be an excellent Secretary of State, not to mention at least a dozen current Governors, who could become suitable Vice Presidents", she explains quietly.

"It almost sounds like you want to resign, Elaine", her friend gently points out, as she gets up and carries the dishes over by the sink. She intentionally stays there, her back to her. She knows she's made a delicate point and wants to give her time and room to think it through.

She realizes that her friend's thought processes are still pretty unconscious; she senses that a good portion of these new ideas depend on what is going on between them. She feels that Elaine is still trying to figure out what to do with her life and her feelings, and she doesn't want to be the one responsible for a decision made too abruptly.

Barrish is taken aback by Susan's conclusion, but admits to herself that the reporter may be right, it is just what it seems. Amazed at this realization, she falls silent, thoughtful. Where does this new need to distance herself from her career come from? Just when her sons are settled and she could devote herself to it without a care in the world? Elaine gets up and approaches the young woman, who is washing the dishes. She stands beside her to attend to the dishes that need rinsing. It has never been heavy, the silence between them, but now Elaine feels the need to fill it with something else that she realized tonight more than ever. "Thank you", she whispers to her as their arms, busy with chores, brush against each other.

"About what?", Berg asks, "You make me feel… free… maybe I'm still unaware of what I was saying… you're not… and yet… you push me to think about it… even though it might backfire… I truly appreciate that", Susan lets go of the last of the dishes, dries her hands and hands the dishcloth to the woman.

"Nothing can backfire on me, Elaine, if you're free and fine", she tells her as she looks up into her eyes, "I'm the one who feels free with you first. What would be the point if we didn't feel that way?", she finally asks.

Elaine has only one answer, "Right", she declares in a sigh, "Come here", she urges her by spreading her arms and holding her close. She closes her eyes and lets her body gradually adhere to Susan's. For the first time she is attentive not only to her emotions, but also to the physical reactions that contact with the other triggers in her. She feels the warmth of her body in full contact with that of the young woman, aware that only two thin layers of fabric prevent her from tasting her skin. The desire to remove that uncomfortable barrier almost makes her breathless, gentle arms lace behind her back and the warm breath on her neck makes her dizzy. She is no longer sure where her heart might be at this moment, she feels it in her throat, beating furiously, but even more overpowering are the burning pulsations coming from her lower abdomen.

_"Aroused with desire, you put me in a trance._

_A vision of fire, I never had a chance"_

She wonders how much she can resist that physical and emotional avalanche similar to a violent adrenaline rush. She holds her even tighter, as if he wants to disappear into her, to go through those layers and lose herself in Susan. How easy it would be, right now, to sink a hand into her soft hair and let her lips make their way from the temple where they're resting on, down to her soft lips, too easy to test their tenderness, their taste... in a flash of clarity she realizes she's completely losing her mind and doesn't know if she cares or not.

_"Arousing me now with a sense of desire._

_Possessing my soul till my body's on fire"_

Susan becomes aware almost immediately that this is a different kind of embrace than the others. She feels that Elaine is testing herself, it's incredibly difficult to let her do it without reacting and surrendering to desire, but she knows the woman needs it, she knows it will serve her, she senses her body's responses and knows they are the same as her own. For a second she is afraid of not resisting the temptation to gently sink her teeth into the soft skin of her neck and feel the taste and texture on her tongue. All this begins to be too much, they must stop before it is too late and slip into something premature.

"Elaine…", she whispers, pulling her face away from the crook of the other's neck. "Sorry", the woman replies in a labored, mechanical way, pulling her face away from hers, but not enough. The warm palm of her hand rests gently on her cheek as Barrish looks into her eyes as if addressing her soul directly, perhaps, looking for the confidence she still lacks.

"You have nothing to apologize for, it was beautiful…", she reassures her. The older one snorts a sad smile, "I'm not a person who steps back, I don't want to hurt you, you wouldn’t deserve it", she tries to explain a concept that is not so clear to her either. "I know the person you are, Elaine", the reporter replies calmly. "It's just my brain that's not ready yet", she continues annoyed by her own admission.

"I know", the other confirms, taking her face in her hands to reassure her and convey her serenity. She makes an effort to stare into her eyes, although the other keeps alternating hers between her lips and her gaze, she waits patiently until Elaine finally manages to focus the same way, and realizes that it's all gone, that both of them have regained control of themselves and 'are safe'. "It's okay… come on, let's finish up here and then I'll let you choose the movie!", she prods her, gently pulling away from her.

The couch in front of the TV is too big for them tonight, and they find themselves snuggled in each other's arms, wrapped in the warm blanket, distractedly watching and commenting on the images passing by in front of the screen. The previous moment of desire and passion is replaced by the knowing tenderness that all will be well, in the proper time.

When Barrish turns off the TV and the room plunges into almost total darkness, Susan doesn't even hint at moving from there to bed, and Elaine welcomes the urge to fall asleep by holding her close. She lets the young woman hide her face inside the crook of her neck and laces her hands behind her back, resting one cheek on her hair, lets their legs intertwine under the covers, lets their bodies fit together perfectly, and wishes her goodnight with a kiss through the dark hair, indulging in a not-so-unexpected shiver when the other's lips briefly brush the pronounced line of her jaw.

———————————————————

"You let me sleep too much", she admonishes her in a voice still hoarse from the night as she kisses the back of her neck softly. " Well today is Saturday!", the young woman justifies herself in a sparkling tone, turning around and smiling as she places a blueberry between her lips waiting for Elaine to accept it. "Good morning", the politician smiles at her, leaving another kiss on her forehead. "Come on, go sit down! Breakfast is ready!", spurs the younger giving her a playful slap on the butt. "I've got one or two things to do this morning, I don't know what time I'll be free", she informs her regretfully, they had decided to spend the whole weekend away from everything and everyone else.

"Hey what's with that sad look on your face? Are you afraid I'll run away while you're gone?", Berg jokes noticing the disappointment on the other's face. "You don't mind?", she asks her surprised. "Elaine, I know you'd put it off if you could. Of course I mind, but I know you'll be back as soon as you can, just like you know I'll be here waiting for you, right?", she reassures her by curling the corners of her mouth and cracking a smile at her as well. "Wise woman!", Elaine chants at her with a resounding kiss on the cheek as he pulls away to get ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The small verses I quote in this chapter are from Judas Priest - A Touch of Evil


	24. When Bitches Learn (a past)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you think or do you know?"  
> "I do feel it"

**Twenty-four: When Bitches Learn (a past)**

As she walks down the hallway to Judge Nash's chambers, Elaine can't help but remember their pact from a few months earlier.

_"Why didn't you tell me Garcetti offered you a golden parachute and that I was the parachute?", she had asked at that time, after she learned that the President had used Corinne's illness to offer the Supreme Court Justice to retire to private life and appoint Elaine in her place, before the woman made official her intention to run against him with her own resignation._

_"I didn't want to get your hopes up. A seat on the Supreme Court, I thought you'd jump at it", Diane had justified herself. "Can't you see he's playing us against each other?", she had retorted. "Of course I can! But forget about the politics for a moment and think, what you could accomplish", she had encouraged her._

_"Why aren't we talking about what I could accomplish as president?", the pupil had offered. "Oh, so it's true?", "I'm considering it, yes", Barrish had admitted. "You'll be a pariah… You remember your last campaign? They branded you as an ambitious bitch… if I hadn't know you… I would’ve believed them", she had pointed out to her. "Do you want a president who will force a justice like you off the bench?", she had replied sharply._

_"These last two years have been good for you. Garcetti may be a bastard, but he let you do your thing; let the world see the heart of that brilliant 22-year-old girl who walked into my law class determined to make this country a better place. If you challenge the sitting President, voters will see your motives as selfish. I know, it's not fair, but ambition looks better on men", her mentor made her notice._

_"I don't care how it looks. I'm doing it because it's right. I learned it from you.", "Then take my seat. This isn’t Garcetti, Elaine. It’s me. Your friend. I’m offering you the chance to spend the rest of your life telling Presidents what they can and can’t do"_

_"Do you remember my first moot court competition?", she had asked then, "I was the only first-year you chose… I thought I was pretty hot shit… And then you proceeded to eviscerate my argument word by word! I had so much flop sweat... I… I thought I was going to float away!", she animatelyhad made her remember._

_"I was extra hard on you… I wanted you to learn to be rigorous and brave, and not to give up", the judge had explained. "It was a good lesson… I came back the next year, and we beat Harvard and Yale. Diane… I don’t want to be on the Supreme Court. I want to run for President again", Elaine finally had declared._

_"All right, counselor. Convince me that you're not doing this because this is still a competition to you and you didn't come in first", the elder had challenged her. "It's different this time. I can’t turn away 'cause it’s hard, I can't turn away because it'll piss people off. I do have deep convictions about what's right and what's true.… And, unfortunately, Paul Garcetti did not have you for a teacher, and he didn't learn to be rigous or brave or to stand up or his convictions. So I have to run again. And yes, I have to win. In two years, when I become president, I will name your replacement.", she finally had assured._

_"Corinne Will be gone in two years… you better win, Elaine", her mentor had concluded with a sad, worried and doubtful face._

"Madam Secretary, I thought I taught you that we can't discuss a case of this caliber that's still ongoing", her friend admonishes her good-naturedly, before lifting her head from the papers in front of her. "I'm not here about Collier, Diane", she justifies herself without particular emphasis.

The Supreme Court judge looks at her for a moment from over the edge of her glasses, taken aback by the unusual tone of her pupil, then takes them off, rises wearily and joins her to greet her inside the large hall. She carefully watches Elaine move with uncertain steps to the sofa, where she encourages her to sit down and sits in front of her, waiting patiently for her to decide to speak.

She has no idea how to broach the subject and wonders why on earth she decided to address her. "You know Susan Berg?", she begins, as the mention of her name creates a sudden emptiness in her stomach.

The judge grimaces in disappointment, "Elaine, when you came to the funeral you told me you had developed some kind of healthy bond! What did she do? Did she threaten you with some gossipy news once again?"

Elaine hastens to deny it with a mute gesture of her head, smiling at that naive accusation, and before she knows, the words are out of her mouth in a rush, "I have feelings for her…", she freezes, surprised at herself, her lost eyes wandering aimlessly around the room, "Deep feelings", she specifies, and suddenly Diane watches her assume a more dignified posture.

She observes her for a long time, while the politician continues to avoid her gaze. Unconsciously she nods, still studying her, "I can see that...", she confirms without betraying any feeling, "Elaine...", she calls her demanding eye contact. "Why does this upset you so much?", the pupil snorts, incredulous at that question, "Where are your values about love? The ones you've always flaunted in defense of your son? Or of people like Corinne and me? The ones you fought for by our side all these years?", she insists.

"It's not the same thing, Diane!", she exclaims in her defense, "Why? Because now it's happening on your own skin?", the other shakes her head with the feeling of not being understood and rummages within herself for a way to explain herself. "But a woman? Why a woman?", she asks bewildered.

The elderly woman looks at her understandingly, "Maybe the right question would be 'why Susan Berg?' you know sometimes... love is just love", her mentor reasons. "Yeah but… why now? I mean… at my age? I've never had a clue!", she continues, increasingly shocked.

"Clues to what? Did you ever met another Susan Berg before?", the other challenges her, "Oh come on, Diane, you know what I mean!", the pupil retorts impatiently. The widow exhales a deep sigh and makes herself more comfortable in the chair.

"Did I ever tell you that Corinne was married when we met?", she asks in a calm tone. Elaine feels sorrow for her. "No, you never told me that", she confirms intrigued.

"Her husband was a banker, he was the grandson of Amedeo Giannini, the founder of the Bank of Italy in San Francisco", she says. "I had almost finished law school and was doing pro - bono work on small civil cases for a law company that also assisted those who couldn't afford a private attorney. She was in charge of taking in people who asked for support", she continues, aware that she has her interlocutor's attention. She smiles at the fond memory, trying to leave aside the pain of her recent loss.

"It wasn't love at first sight and we didn't go looking for it, it grew slowly, with respect, mutual support, the moments we began to share became more and more various and frequent, and without us realizing it at some point we found ourselves... in love...", her eyes moisten and she pushes back the tears with difficulty.

"It took a few years for both of us to finally be able to admit what had happened to us, and accept it, when I think of all the time we denied each other... the suffering we caused each other, trying to pretend that nothing had changed between the two of us…", she reasons, shaking her head with her gaze lost in emptiness.

That last thought breaks through to Elaine. She realizes the meaning of her teacher's words, thinks about TJ, how close she came to losing him twice, and everything suddenly makes sense. Life is too short. "Is it a mutual feeling?", Diane questions, turning back to look at her. She sees a smile full of warmth form on her face as she confirms with a monosyllable.

"Do you think or do you know?", she persists. Elaine finally looks her in the eye, "I do feel it", Barrish specifies.

Nash leans toward her again. "Are you willing to dump your entire career you for her?", she finally questions her. The politician snorts, slightly irritated.

"You're already assuming it will be leaked", he accuses her. "If you're going to honor the President's offer, it will get out, Elaine, and you'll be the one to break the news yourself, because you're an honest person. You've always been too honest for politics. And if you still want Paul Garcetti to rule for another four years, you're going to have to step aside on time."


	25. When Bitches Quit (life's short)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Elaine, I thought I ordered you to enjoy the weekend!"  
> "Mr. President, it seemed to me that our professional relationship had passed the stage of orders!"

**Twenty-five: When Bitches Quit (life's short)**

The dialogue with Diane Nash clarifies her last doubts about her professional future. A thought that especially in the last few days has almost obsessed her, now she understands why. Incredible how sometimes, simply by changing perspective, a problem that seems insoluble is turned into something incredibly easy to deal with.

She has served the country, with commitment and conviction, for more than twenty years, first alongside her husband and then on her own, serving it in perhaps its deepest crisis since the Vietnam War. She feels that she has led the President in full awareness of his role. She feels she has chosen with him the best collaborators they could hope to find.

She turns to Clark with an affectionate and somewhat wistful look, aware that this is the last time the handsome man will be in her service. "Are you all right, Madam Secretary?", he asks, curious about that attention. She snorts a smile, grateful for his thoughtfulness. "I'm fine, Clark, thank you"

———————————————————

"Elaine, I thought I ordered you to enjoy the weekend!", the man jokes, still limping, as he makes his way to his own chair. "Mr. President, it seemed to me that our professional relationship had passed the stage of orders!", the Barrish stands up to him, eliciting a hearty laugh.

Immediately, Number One's gaze falls on the woman's hands and the cream-colored envelope clutched in them. An instinctive grimace paints itself on his face as he brings his back up as if to turn away from it. "Elaine…", he exclaims in a grave tone as he shakes his head.

Barrish steps forward and sits down without waiting for the boss' invitation. "Mr. President, we have assembled a formidable team, this administration still needs you, but it doesn't necessarily need me yet", she insists in an assertive tone. "Elaine… please, I thought we had truly come to an understanding by now! You taught me how to sit in this chair!", he pleads with her with persuasion.

"It is precisely because we have reached a meeting point that I am here now, Sir...", the Secretary replies, "I need to retire to private life, for a personal matter, which cannot be postponed, set aside, and which I do not feel like co-existing with my career...", she announces, "I am honored to have supported you during this difficult time, but I am now deeply convinced that my presence is no longer necessary", she concludes.

" Are you okay, Elaine?", Garcetti asks worriedly. The woman's gaze softens, moved by his concern. "I'm fine, Paul", she reassures him, smiling.

"Confidentially, I'll tell you specifically that I'm moved by a purely selfish and sentimental reason. I've become deeply bonded to someone lately. I am not ready to share my relationship by holding this or any other government role, which I would morally feel obligated to do if I kept working. The reason I would feel obligated to do so is because this someone is a woman. The reason I don't feel ready to share this is because I don't reflect myself in a label that I would be forced to attach to myself, to make this relationship public. I am moved by feelings and feelings have always been a private thing, for me, you know that Paul", she pauses to take a deep breath, before continuing.

"Moreover, to make this relationship public, as a member of the government and as a vice presidential candidate, would put you, Mr. President, at risk of not being re-elected, and that is something neither you nor I want, for our own Country", she concludes, suddenly relaxing. Garcetti watches her, nodding thoughtfully, gradually absorbing the meaning of her monologue. Sighing defeated, taking the letter the woman hands her, she opens it giving it a quick glance.

"Your reasoning makes no bones about it, Elaine, but let me tell you that I would have no fear of keeping you by my side, I would be proud, but I understand and respect your need for privacy", he says signing the three copies of the resignation letter. He hands one to her, holding it briefly for her attention. "Just stay for a couple of hours, you've given me great advice, these past three years Elaine, let me discuss with you my thoughts on the positions to be filled"


	26. When Bitches Love (is just love)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Where are all the others?"  
> "There is only Clark, he was kind enough to wait for you to arrive. That guy's a smart one"

**Twenty-six: When Bitches Love (is just love)**

"Madam Secretary, Mr. President has instructed me to drive you back", the driver smiles at her with a wistful expression. "Clark… I'm just Elaine now! No more Madam Secretary! Is that okay?", jokes the woman, who has long since given in to asking him to remove her official titles. "As you wish, Mrs. Barrish?", he replies in a playful tone, bursting into laughter as he sees her roll her eyes. "Not even for our last race will you give me that pleasure, I get it!", she retorts, looking at him fondly.

"I'd like you to take me to the zoo, please", she says, as soon as they get on the traffic route. "Certainly... Elaine!", the man replies in a jovial tone, wringing a surprised smile from her. "You see? You won in the end!", he affirms in a relaxed mood, smiling contentedly. "It's been a beautiful experience, these three years of work for you, Madam. Thank you for your kindness and your trust", he says, taking his eyes off the street for a moment. The former Secretary of State curls the corners of her mouth upwards, holding back a slight emotion, "Thanks to you, Clark, I couldn't have found anyone better than you. Please stop by for coffee sometime, will you?", she urges him, "I'd love to, Elaine", the boy replies, watching her launch a call on her phone.

"Hey... Will you join me at the zoo?" Elaine asks in a sweet voice. Clark smiles happily, "Our elephants", she hears her answer after a short while in an even more tender tone. For the rest of the drive, the two remain silent.

When the diplomatic car finally pulls into the inner lane closest to the pachyderm paddock, Barrish lingers for a moment before getting out, looking at the man with a grateful and wistful look, "Thank you for everything, Clark", "It's been a pleasure and an honor, Elaine", he replies. "I'll wait in the car until Miss Berg comes", he informs her in a confident tone, noticing the woman raise an eyebrow in surprise, her expression widening an open smile for his benefit.

"There's only one life, Elaine, I wish you the best and I'm happy for you... for you two", he says while maintaining eye contact, "I would love for you to say hello for me", he adds. The woman nods with slight embarrassment, but pleasantly impressed by his honest courtesy and steps away from the government vehicle one last time.

———————————————————

"Have you been waiting long?", Susan asks sitting so close that one side of her body adheres completely to her own side. She looks around, perceiving something out of tune and after a few moments of indecision she realizes what is not quite right, "Where are all the others?", she asks, referring to the security guards that usually remain at a distance, but are always discreetly present.

Elaine smiles as she observes the imposing animals, "There is only Clark, he was kind enough to wait for you to arrive. That guy's a smart one", she replies without giving too much away, the young woman looks over her shoulder and finally spots the dark car, the young man inside raises a hand and smiles in her direction, she returns the greeting, slightly perplexed, watching in disbelief as the driver starts the engine and slowly drives away. She looks back at Elaine, noticing her unusual smile, and finally the right question rises to her vocal cords, "What's going on, Elaine?", she snorts a thoughtful smile and gently takes her hand, intertwining her fingers with hers.

"Do you remember the first time we met here?", she asks looking at her serenely. "Of course I remember", the reporter replies softly as she tightens her grip. "We always had meaningful conversations, in front of them", Susan jokes pointing to the animals, "Yeah... they're good witnesses, they have long memories too", the woman confirms in a playful tone, snatching a laugh from her.

"This peculiar way you have of laughing, Sue...", Barrish points out to her, "God...", she continues shaking her head in disbelief, "Here is where I first heard it...", she tells her lost in memories, "And I loved it right away...", she confesses in a soft tone. Seized with tenderness, the young woman lifted their joined hands to her lips and gently placed a kiss on the back of Elaine's. 

Then she brings them back to her lap, joining her other hand as well. Now she knows why there is no one there with them, "You quit, didn't you?", she asks cautiously. "Yes, honey", the former politician replies after a sigh of relief. "It's time for me to think a while about myself, what I want for me, what makes me happy, I want to be free... I want to live... and I want to be with you", she explains serenely. Berg doesn't reply, she takes to caressing the skin of her hand with her thumb. Her heart pounding in her hears.

Part of her dares to feel responsible for that decision, not sure how that thought makes her feel. After a few minutes of silence enjoying the intimate outpouring, looking at each other intently without any embarrassment, a gasp from the baby of the pack wakes them up, bringing them back to the real world, both of them turning to observe the tender scene of two adult specimens playing with the pup.

"Good thing it' a girl!", Susan chuckles, making Elaine laugh out loud. The youngster watches her suddenly become serious again, she has a different light in her eyes as she sees her gaze linger on her lips. "Let's go home, Sue… now"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comment will be appreciated. Thanks for reading ^__^


End file.
